A Story Of How Terrifying Your First HIV Test Will Be

Your first thought will be

Is this how my story will end??

You’ll think of the farthest hospital from your house you can go to for the test.

So no one will see you. If you live in Isolo, go to a hospital in Ikorodu.

You’ll wonder if the nurse attending to you thinks you’re a giant whore.

Don’t judge me please.

You’ll wonder if the other people in the waiting area also think you’re a giant whore.

All of you should mind your business.

As the nurse draws your blood and takes it to the lab, you’ll wonder what your life will be like if the results come back positive.

Everything will scatter.

How your family will react.

How your friends will react.

You’ll think of how you’ll possibly be able to afford the drugs.

You’re broke.

At this point, it’s been 30 mins. You’ll see the nurse coming back with the envelope and you’ll wonder why she has that sad look on her face.

Jesus!

She’ll call you to a corner and you’ll wonder why the hell she’s stressing you out like this.

God please let this be over already.

She’ll hand you the envelope and watch you open it with your hands shaking and you’ll think

She’s here to give me counseling. IT IS FINISHED!!!

The result says negative. You’ll look at the nurse in disbelief and think

WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT DRAMA ABOUT?!

Like she can read your mind, she’ll lean in and whisper quietly in your ear

Go out and whore no more.

She’ll hand you a handkerchief to wipe your sweat with.

It turns out that the nurse’s name is Hannah and she has monogrammed handkerchiefs that she hands out because she does this kind of thing all the time.

This will be you the moment you leave the hospital.

YASSSS GAWWWWDD!!!

Unless of course your story ends differently, in which case……

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