1. So I had been job hunting for over a year.
Walking up and down my state!
2. I had become a prayer warrior.
Going to church 4 times a week.
3. My mother had been running from pillar to post trying to help me get a job.
Like a headless chicken!
4. All those uncles that said “call me when you graduate” were nowhere to be found.
They had all disappeared. Professionals in the art of promise and fail!
5. I applied everywhere, to places I was qualified and otherwise.
Something will fall in place!
6. I even ran for election.
And lost, woefully!
7. That’s how all of a sudden I got a phone call inviting me for an interview.
8. I first did my special celebration dance.
As a Michael Jackson apprentice!
9. Then I started preparing for my interview.
Fail to plan is plan to fail!
10. I first spent 30 minutes ironing just the collar of my shirt.
11. Then another one hour ironing the remaining part.
I must shine.
12. I went over my CV and cover letter again.
Cannot miss anything before they think I’m a fraud!
13. Then went to sleep early so that I can be refreshed and renewed for my interview the next day.
Beautiful sleep for a beautiful me!
14. The next day I woke up early and made plans to to the office 2 hours before my interview.
The early bird gets the worm!
15. Before I left my mother made me a nice cup of tea and prayed for me.
16. After waiting for about an hour I was invited in for my interview.
17. That was the beginning of my trouble.
Na wa oh!
18. Everything was going well for the first few minutes of the interview.
This job is mine!
19. Then all of a sudden, my stomach started making one funny noise.
Ah! God don’t let my enemies disgrace me.
20. The interviewer was looking at me like:
“What is this one?”
21. Before I could answer another question, one funny noise came from my stomach, followed by a strong smell.
22. My interviewer looked like he was about to pass out.
23. I didnt know if I should pretend I had no idea of what was happening or start begging.
What should I do?
24. After struggling for another minute, my stomach made another sudden sound followed by an even worse smell.
Wow! So this is how my enemies set leg for me?
25. At that point my interviewer quickly ended the interview and opened his windows.
26. I ran out of the office full of shame and embarrassment.
Is this my life?
27. When I got home and told my mum, she said “ah maybe it’s because of the detox tea I gave you before you left”.
28. Needless to say I didn’t get the job.
29. And I no longer trust anything my mother gives me to eat or drink before I need to go somewhere important!