The universe runs on many truths – and one of them, even though no-one will ever tell you – is that no matter how lump-y the sum of money is, it will runs out..
What it means is that you’ll never have enough money. Obviously, you’ll want to know the evil spirits behind this. As I’ve learned, there’s nothing you can do to them, but knowing doesn’t hurt either does it.
Our first bus-stop is in Lagos. In fact, it’s Lagos itself.
Lagos is a black hole that sucks money. It doesn’t matter if you don’t live there. It’s absurdly likely that if you live in West Africa, an accountant in Marina has calculated half your pay as part of someone’s income and locked it up in the abyss, never to be seen again.
The Black Tax
No, don’t blame the FIRS. The Black Tax is basically the extra money that black people are expected to give every month to support their extended families i.e “Segun, what’s up? How’s work? I’m broke” and other sibling-related stories.
Inflation
Inflation eats at a currency’s self-esteem, basically reducing its value over time. So if you’re in a country where it’s high, like Nigeria, your savings may be worth half in a few years. Just imagine dropping a bale of money every year and coming back at intervals to find a fraction missing, every single time.
Miscellaneous
Sitting at the bottom of your expense sheet or Spendee profile. The guy who claims everything you’re too proud to account for or you can’t fit in any expense category. If you’re ever dutiful enough to track your spending, you almost always find out it’s where most of your money goes.
Unforeseen Expenses
What do you do when joy overcomes you and you drop your phone to see it shatter to pieces? Do you have enough stashed to buy yourself a new laptop if it suddenly joins its ancestors in Computer Village? Important questions like this always come up and you will never be prepared enough. Proof that Sarkodie lied when he said “money no be problem”.
You
Yes, you. Will you die if you don’t get the new phone every year? In good times, everyone tends to think they spend fairly well, but we often ignore the fact that your money needs your permission to leave your account. Hold yourself responsible. More proof that you’re actually stronger than your village people.
As you probably know, there’s no surefire way to avoid this. What you can do is…
Put some money away. But as we now know, money loses value in its sleep. So all that money has to go somewhere it can work and valuable. In simple terms, invest in something. There are apps for micro-investing and if you’re feeling particularly nice, you could put your savings in a friend’s business. We shall all prevail.
