1. When someone says ‘you should eat more beans’ or ‘drink more milk’.
Yes. I went through my life in Nigeria without eating beans or drinking milk, scientist.
2. When someone taller tries to hug you and you get a faceful of breasts.
Na wa.
3. When people tell you to walk faster like they’re oblivious to your way shorter strides.
Are you blind?
4. And living alone is exhausting. Because you can’t reach anything on the top shelves.
This isn’t even fair.
5. Having an absolute nightmare trying to buy trousers, so you have to hem or turn up.
The lengths, oh lord!
6. When you have to sit very close to the steering wheel so you can actually reach the pedals when driving.
See my life.
7. When you’re taking group photos and you’re eternally up front.
Actually, that’s not so bad.
8. When your friends use your shoulders – or head – as an arm rest in pictures.
Annoying!
9. When someone calls you ‘portable’ as per the generic nickname for short people. Or other equally Nigerian nicknames like ‘mosquito’.
How original.
10. When you have a phobia for crowded places because you are small enough to get lost in the crowd. Or get stepped on.
Rude!
11. Everyone thinks you’re forever 12 even though you’re a a fully grown adult.
Jesus!
12. Your legs never touch the floor when you sit down anywhere. And someone points it out repeatedly.
It wasn’t funny the first 183 times.
13. “Why are you so short?” “Look I’m taller than you.” “You are so short”. You:
Thank you, angel of remembrance.
14. When someone thinks you’re younger than your YOUNGER sibling because they’re taller than you.
Wow.
15. And finally, when you realize that you’ve actually got it good.
Small feet, great clothes.
