Nigerians On Twitter Are Sharing Their Worst Childhood Mistakes And We Can't Stop Laughing

Schadenfreude – pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune.

Every human being is guilty of this. Even you. And that’s why you are here. That’s why I also found this funny. Since that’s out of the way, we can start.

Anyway, I was scrolling through Twitter when I saw this tweet:

https://twitter.com/WendyA__/status/1250498837078331392?s=20

I just knew it was going to be lit. So, I peeped into the comments section and trust me, I was not let down. I like you guys and I don’t want you to scroll. So, I compiled the funny, the scary, and the ones that left me speechless.

Before we start, play this song in your head while reading each tweet.

I’m going to write in my will that these are my pallbearers, absolutely fantastic pic.twitter.com/6oFBXH5Z9A
— Byrne (@cjb_tweet) April 12, 2020

And Action!

1) Play Pall bearers music pls.

I was in Secondary school when I stole meat from the pot, didn't know my mum counted it. She later talked about counting the meat in the pot, I got scared so I cut yam in the pot to replace the meat.
As God will have it, she picked the "Yam" to eat first. Sigh, I almost died https://t.co/yGiXK3Ql79
— Olúwayémisí (@HalimaTHELIGHT) April 15, 2020

2) Ah.

I was 8 and got kidnapped, I was giving the kidnapper the direction to take to avoid meeting with people that knew my family
— the pressure (@larabillionaire) April 15, 2020

3) Nigerian parents have no chill.

I shaved off my right eyebrow completely and then, I had to shave off the left. Lmaoo my parents didn’t even hit me. They said my look was enough punishment
— Mocha (@raychellered) April 15, 2020

4) Surprised she’s still alive.

https://twitter.com/TemiShomo/status/1250522219735900163?s=20

5) I prefer not to speak.

https://twitter.com/asiuolssim/status/1250506619202535424?s=20

6) Dyingg.

Went to pick up my mom’s car from the mechanic without her consent, instead of taking the car straight to her shop I took it for a spin. Ended up bashing one full side so much the doors didn’t open. Drove to her shop parked the car in front, left the key in ignition and ran away
— ANUWE òmó NNAÒDÚÀ (@Anuwe231) April 15, 2020

7) What?

I came home and saw my brother with a babe. She said hi and I answered with “Are you Nneka? It’s nice to finally meet the person my brother keeps talking about” and she said no, her name was Chichi.
— Adanne (@Adanne) April 16, 2020

8) Tired of internet people.

In secondary school, I got my friend to come and take us out in my mom's car when she travelled. Thieves stopped us in front of the house and stole the car. My only saving grace was that they hit my friend's head with the gun and he ended up in the hospital.
— Ololade mi Asake (@queen_velo) April 15, 2020

9) I am experiencing second hand anger.

Tired of sharing the story. Seun and I stole over 50 peppered snails my mum made for a client.

The rest is folklore. https://t.co/b3whGxlUEj
— Papa Burrito (@bule_jr) December 10, 2018

10) I laughed. I am sorry.

They sent me Kerosene of N200. On my way, I met a lady of my age (I still remember the face). I don't know what she said to me but I gave her the N200 and turn back home. No kerosene, no money.

My mum wanted to give me 40 strokes that night but my uncle interrupted at 38.
— Toyosi Godwin (@ToyosiGodwin) April 15, 2020

11) The Government needs to ban children.

https://twitter.com/Sadcastic2/status/1250719328682627072?s=20

12) I fear you people.

In my third year in school, my parents were "passing by" from aba to Owerri by past 9pm , and decided to drop by unannounced. I had man in my room, so when I heard their voice in the corridor, I asked my man to climb stool and make like he was fixing my fan. So my parents came-
— Sneakkita (@_amakaa_) April 16, 2020

13) Oh dear.

My mum came to my school unannounced to check up on me and as she walked into my class, there I was standing on a desk singing "toto is a kind of food, sweet like sugar, yellow like fanta" . You can imagine what happened to my existence bruh
— Ojonugwa (@fredykruegerr) April 16, 2020

14) ….

My momcy wanted to flog me, she went to get the cane and I locked her inside her room , she came out through the other door and flogged shege and madness out of me
— David (@santazid) April 15, 2020