If you are a man with a “manly” voice, you have no idea what God has done for you. In this Nigeria where people abandon their own business and obtain a PhD in other people’s business, these are the things that can happen if you are a man without what people perceive to be a “manly” voice.
1. Customer care agents ALWAYS refer to you as ‘Ma.’
And I honestly really don’t get it. Even after you mention your obviously “manly” name to them, they still carry on with their talk of, “Alright, ma. What’s the problem?” Like, calm down, sis. My name is Ibrahim. Have you ever seen a female Ibrahim?
2. Bike and cab-hailing services always come looking for a woman.
They’ll drive past and then come back to say, “Are you the one?” Ah, I thought it was a woman o. Oga, keep thought-ing. Continue, you hear.
3. You can’t exactly argue loudly with someone during a fight.
You know why? Your voice will rise in pitch and you will sound hysterical. And in more ways than one, it discredits your argument, because your opponent will likely start laughing at you. But if, like me, you’re shameless, this will not really stop you. Points must be made.
4. Men want to date you when they hear your voice.
You spend time with them on the phone and they go, “Oh baby, can we meet? Can we link up? I’d love to know you better.” First of all, Oga, know your God, so that you’ll get the divine revelation that I’m a man. Because if you really continue this foolishness, I will find creative ways to chop your money and I will clean mouth when I’m done.
5. The singing delusions.
Because of your voice, you’ll probably think you’re the next best thing since Ariana Grande. Leemao. It’s a phase. You’ll soon grow out of it.
What’s the funniest thing that has ever happened to you because of your voice? Share in the comments.
