It is Christmas time and families are bound to host visits from distant relatives, including Uncle Soji, who laughs louder than the Mikano generator at boring jokes. You were on your own in 2019 when Uncle Soji asked you to send your account details in front of everyone, but the stingy man is yet to send money. Here is how to get money from stingy uncles this Christmas holiday.
- Ask them in front of everyone
Stingy uncles like to brag in front of the world. The best way to get money from them is to ask them in front of everyone. Please, you don’t take bank transfer. Your bank is not working. Uncle Soji has to give you cash in front of everybody. If he wants to be shameless, out-shameless him. The game is the game.
- Tell them you have medical crisis
Grab your stomach and start rolling in the mud like the Nigerian economy. If anyone comes close, do not respond. Just keep rolling until Uncle Soji and his stingy self comes close to do superhero. Then grab his white shirt and start shouting surgery. Don’t leave his agbada until he brings out money.
- Fake your death
Stingy uncles like to show the most sympathy when relatives die. They start talking about how they had so many plans for you. If not for death, stingy Uncle Soji would have sent you to Havard. At this point, jump out of your coffin and threaten him as a ghost. Shake his soul until he has transferred money to you. Please, plan this one with your mother otherwise you’ll actually die when she slaps you.
- Take his name to Babalawo
If his side-chicks can use kayanmata on him, why not you? Take Uncle Soji’s stingy face to Babalawo before sending him your account details. He cannot be promising you and failing. Even Jesus will understand. You need that money to celebrate Jesus’ birthday nau.
- Find his side-chick
This one will guarantee you long term funding. Uncle Soji does not want his wife to know about his side-chick, so you have to go the Inspector Fashola Holmes way. Find his side-chick(s) and take pictures of them together. He either sends you money or you send to his wife.
- Send your last born
Children know how to embarrass stingy uncles. They will remind Uncle Soji how he promised Aunty Florence money but won’t remember where they put their food flask. Utility players. Promise the child ₦200 and watch them collect ₦20k for you. Outsmart the system.
- Deploy Mommy
This will come at a loss of at least 60% investment, but deploying Mommy works. Mommies know how to move a conversation from jollof rice to how Uncle Soji is yet to give you money he promised in 2019. Mummies will take at least 60-80% of the amount recovered while reminding you of the breasts that raised you, but at least, you have cashed out from stingy Uncle Soji.
These ways are surefire to get you your Christmas coins. Don’t say we did nothing for you.
