Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
The BBNaija Reunion is back and the former housemates are serving premium drama and hot shade. Very soon, fanbases might have to renew their membership cards.
On today’s episode of Interview With, we spoke with the BBNaija Eye about the level of chaos that is bound to come.
Zikoko: Hello, we are so happy to have you here today.
BBN Eye: Are you sure you are happy to have me?
Hmm. You have come again.
BBN Eye: Which one is “you have come again”? Is it that you’re not happy to see me or what?
Well… you have come back to shake things up. When you were not around, everywhere was quiet.
I have seen a lot of people who are seriously expecting me. They keep asking when BBNaija will be back, all because they know I’ll show them all the secret things I am seeing as the BBNaija eye. Why is it now peppering your body?
Even if I will be jealous of something, will it now be ordinary eye?
BBN Eye: If you know the kinds of things I see, then you’ll know you have every reason to be jealous.
I was the first to witness Erica’s beauty in real life oh. The Neo that you people are dying for, I saw his chest first.
Well, we saw him washing pant on DStv. You cannot brag about that one.
BBN Eye: Ordinary pant washing, that’s what you are excited about? Clearly your priorities are not aligned.
We saw Lucy’s stove thread too abeg.
BBN Eye: What stove thread? You mean her hair extensions?
Ehn? It’s not thread for stove? I thought…
BBN Eye: Cho-cho-cho will not kill you. Focus and see. There was Eric and Lilo acting like Jack and Rose from Orile Agege. Romance everywhere. Indomie noodles was the side chick that threatened to tear them apart.
We thank God for faithfulness.
Oh and there was Ka3na the Boss Lady.
The one who got a throwpillow and frame from her fans?
Yes. The fan love is too much. She hugged one guy and he said he would not shower because he just received a life-changing hug.
Osanobua.
You didn’t see that one, abi? Well surely, you must have learned the difference between mental attraction and physical attraction, right?
Ah, yes, yes. God bless Laycon, Erica, and Kiddwaya for that wonderful education.
Oho. Despite all of this, it’s pant washing and stove thread you saw. Nawa for you oh. There is more to BBN than Nengi’s wig cap, TolaniBaj’s bonnet, or Ozo’s bum shorts. Just look deeper and you’ll see beyond the durags and the nightly semo that Brighto turns.
Omo.
BBN Eye: With all this entertaining vawulence I give you, some people will come and accuse me of promoting immorality and indecency. Oya, shebi I gave you space…
Maybe we should call immorality and indecency to ask them if you people have any business together.
BBN Eye: Go ahead, please. Shebi you have the phone number of immorality and indecency, abi? Anyway, it’s you Zikoko people. Your weekly supply of craze is always full tank.
If you want to talk to me, talk to me directly. Don’t go through the corners.
BBN Eye: That one is even your own personal cup of tea. Buy bread and soak it inside.
But let me say this loud and clear: I know that people will come out to say BBN is distracting the youths. But when I was away, shebi they accused you people of riding Buhari.
Ride what? Where? When? How?
BBN Eye: They said you people want to ride our dear Bubu to death.
Hmm. He’s probably enjoying it.
BBN Eye: Is it until they send DSS to lock your office abi? I did not follow you to say that one oh. Daddy BuBu, see me sir, my hands are clean oh.
Forget it.
BBN Eye: [rolls eyes] Anywayyyyy, they said you people want to ride Daddy Bubu to death, that’s why I said, let me come out and give you people something else to work on.
Don’t thank me. It’s my contribution to making the world a better place.
How did you know I was about to thank you?
BBN Eye: I saw it already. Have you forgotten I’m the Big Brother Eye? Why else do you think Big Brother is watching? Nothing is hidden.
Oshey, over raw best in seeing. Abeg, can you see my future for me?
BBN Eye: Bold of you to assume I can see what is not there.
Blood of Jesus. I will blind you today.
[BBN Eye rolls out before I can kill it with slippers]
The BBNaija Lockdown Reunion show airs Mondays through to Fridays at 10pm on Africa Magic Urban and 10.30pm on Africa Magic Family, with an omnibus every Tuesday from midnight till 4am.
Headline sponsor: @abeg.app and Associate sponsor: @patricia.com.ng
Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.
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