Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
A little backstory: Tech Cabal and Zikoko are sisters. One considers herself hip and trendy, the other considers herself cool yet trendy. And then, one of them (read the interview to know who) got a complete makeover.
In today’s episode of Interview With, both sisters have their day. This is the Zikoko x TechCabal cross over you have been waiting for. Believe me, it is pure chaos.
Zikoko: Hello baby sis.
TC: Is this one okay? Who is your baby sis? Anyway, I don’t blame you. If not for people that are taking your quizzes, who are you?
At least they are taking my quizzes. Does Google recognise you?
TC: Africans everywhere read me. Talk another thing.
Is that why you rebranded? You want to compete with me, isn’t it?
TC: Day after day, you prove to me why I am your elder sister. Does rebranding mean competition? Besides sef, why will I compete with you when there is New York Times, for example.
Oshey, aspire to Pakistan. Anyway, now that you have been redesigned, what is your new name?
TC: So if a person undergoes cosmetic surgery, does that mean their name has changed? Explain your thinking, if any, abeg.
Hian. Oya, introduce yourself then. At least let Zikoko people know you.
TC: I don’t need introduction, please. I am TechCabal. Everyone already knows me.
This your confidence level is high oh. You think Nigerians read tech stories?
TC: Of course they do. And not only Nigerians, Africans all over the world do too. Why do you think so poorly of your fellow Africans?
Abeg oh. I am an African publication telling African stories. Mind your speech and stop your rubbish agenda.
TC: Anyway sha, Africans read tech news, and that’s why I exist. I have been in existence for over seven years now. They keep me going. Every day, I serve high-quality articles, reports and expert opinions on innovations and technologies that are shaping Africa. It’s not just news about Flutterwave and Paystack that people are searching for. People want to know about innovation and technology, and I am here to bridge that gap.
Come through, Third Mainland Bridge!
TC: Behave yourself.
But wait first. How do you serve these high-quality articles? What is your mode of operation?
TC: People like me because even if tech isn’t their thing, all they need to do is read one of my stories and they are hooked. You don’t need code to decode me. You get?
I wish I didn’t.
TC: [sigh] These Gen Zs.
Sorry oh, Ancient of days.
TC: Well that’s not all. I also serve a newsletter from Mondays to Fridays. It’s called TC Daily. That one contains a round-up of tech news from around Africa. Every weekday at 7 a.m., it lands in people’s inboxes. I want people to think of it as a part of their morning routine: wake up, brush your teeth, then read TC Daily.
Ahan, hard worker. Osinbajo no work reach you.
TC: Stop mentioning the poor man’s name. His hands are tied.
Alleged rare footage of Osibanjo leaked from the Aso Rock CCTV camera.
Anyway, let me keep quiet. I don’t want to hear that TechCabal has been banned from operating in Nigeria.
Bold of you to think I won’t enjoy that.
TC: You’ve always been a hater, Zikoko. And you are one of the reasons why I felt the need for this cosmetic surgery. I need to differentiate myself from you. Let people enter TechCabal’s website and shout, “See beauty!”
Beauty without brain is kuku vanity…
TC: And that’s where you fail again. You think I will redesign my website without offering good content? I’m not TrikkyTee, please. I am Ka3na and Erica rolled into one. Content overload.
LMAO not you —
TC: Shut up and learn. I now have a dark mode feature for people that enjoy browsing with dark screens.
I also now have a page dedicated to reports and stories. You know, as an organised baddie that I am.
Tech Cabal Thee Stallion!
TC: It is you that will be a stallion in Jesus name. What kind of foolish description is that? Why will you call me a male horse?
I was literally referencing Megan Thee Stallion. The babe that sang Savage.
TC: Oh.
Millennials…
TC: You could have called me Celine Dion. I know that one.
Ayway, if you want to watch any of Tech Cabal videos, you can access it on the website directly, not just on our social media pages. And who knows, maybe I can speak to my people to upload a video of Megan Thee Stanbic.
Thee Stallion…
TC: Na you sabi. So far as Megan is there.
Interesting. This your rebrand is on point oh.
TC: If you have to do something, do it well. That’s my belief. In this new website, every flagship has been categorised properly. Now, readers won’t have any problems finding them. Everything is easy and right.
Mad oh. Oya, recommend a column you think I’ll like. Let me see if your hype is legit.
TC: You like new things, so I’ll recommend The Backend.
Which one is that one?
TC: The series is where where we walk you through tech products on the continent. If you are interested in learning about tech products on the continent, you should—
God forbid column without money. Abeg oh. I have suffered for 19 years. I want to shake this Zikoko ass on a Yacht.
TC: Then you should read Centre Stage. We talk about the brightest minds who are working behind the scenes in Africa’s tech and—
It’s like you are not getting me. Tech Cabal, WHERE ARE THE TECH BROS?!
TC: Ah, you should have talked since na. Omo, they are in My Life In Tech oh. That series shares the stories of Africans making great strides in the world of tech. You learn—
It’s enough. I need to go.
TC: Go where?
Go-a-fishing, of course. You think this ass will shake by itself without external funding by tech bros?
Zikoko in Tech Bros’ dms.
TC: Since I was born, and now I am getting older, I have never met a shameless person like you.
When I’m on a yacht in Dubai, shaking everything in a thong, we’ll see who will be shameful then.
TC: You’re literally the letter Z. Where will the thong enter?
And you are shaped like T & C. Jealousy doesn’t look good on you.
TC: You know what, I think I should go. This interview is clearly a bad idea.
Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.
To read more TechCabal, start here: FK Abudu’s aspirations transcend her Twitter influence
