You’re a person who lives in Lagos and is stressed, so you visit spas to relax but still end up leaving more stressed than the thief on Jesus’ left-hand side when he realised he’d insulted the one person who could grant him access to paradise.
If you wonder why this constantly happens, allow us to explain.
1. Everybody is angry, and that includes your massage therapist
You think you’re going to unwind and enjoy a relaxing time at the spa, but unknown to you, your massage therapist just finished fighting a bus conductor over ₦30 change. Now you’re wondering why their own Swedish massage seems like they are using your body to pound yam. You’re not the one de-stressing o. They’re using your body to de-stress. That conductor they couldn’t fight, they will take it out on you.
You can raise your head at the wrong time and they will slap it back to correct the posture.
2. The service would probably be overpriced
Lagos people always have their ways of making things expensive. Before you know it, they will remove the engine and chairs of a danfo, find somewhere on the island to put it, throw a bed inside and call it “Eko De-stress Shack”. 5 minutes of the most basic massage ever, ₦35k.
3. Traffic will hold you on your way back home
How can you go for a 1-hour spa session and then spend four hours in traffic on your way home? Make it make sense.
4. Your neighbours will put on their generator overnight
After a spa session, you’re supposed to have a good night’s rest abi? But not in Lagos. Imagine there’s no light that night. Generator noise everywhere. Well, we know how to make your neighbour’s generator stop working sha.
5. You’ll have to wake up by 4 a.m. the next day to enter traffic again
Lagos people, did we lie?
6. Your boss will stress you the next day
How can you go from relaxing the night before to being stressed at work the next day. How?
7. If Sanwo Olu finds out, he will tax you
“Who is that woman that went to enjoy herself last night? Tax her!”
QUIZ: Only Real Lagosians Can Unscramble These Locations in 2 Minutes
