Crushes are usually described as warm tingling feelings in the stomach, but what about the dark side to having a crush? The anxiety, fear, and self-doubt? For this article, 8 Nigerians describe the motions they go through when they having a crush and why they hate having crushes so much.
Titi, 20
Whenever I have a crush, I turn into a fool. I like to think that on a regular day I am calm and collected, but having a crush throws all of that out the window. I also start imagining a life with them in the most fanfiction way possible. Crushes don’t usually work out for me, so I don’t pursue them. I’m always scared of letting myself trust because of my trust and commitment issues. The last time I had a crush was in 2020. We dated, and he turned out to be a lying, cheating bastard.
Halima, 22
I hate having crushes because I hate who I become because of them. I become awkward, shy, not confident. There’s also the part where I start making up cute scenarios that’ll never happen. Crushes turn me into a mumu that starts thinking of spending money she doesn’t have on people. I even start thinking of sleeping with them and I don’t even like sex. There was a time I slept with a man because I had a crush on him and partly because I wanted to. That is completely out of character for me because I don’t have sex with men.
I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t pursue my crushes. There’s the fact that I feel most of them won’t feel the same way or I’ll be disappointed by who they are when I get close to them. Also, I’m broke. I can’t be spending money I don’t have because of a crush.
Amarachi, 21
I absolutely hate having crushes. I am a woman who likes women, but unfortunately, I am constantly in straight circles. So, most of the women I have crushes on are straight or women I convince myself are straight. When I develop a crush, I invent a version of myself in my head that I think will appeal to them and build a whole fantasy in my head. I never actually have the guts to approach these women in person. That’s why whenever I feel like I have developed a crush on someone, I block them immediately.
Anu, 20
I hate having crushes because of how consuming these crushes can get for me. I’m constantly thinking of them and ways to just make them happy. Whenever we meet in person, I get flustered, stammer, get the jitters, and can’t look them in the eye. Whenever we hang out, I try to keep them laughing so they spend the entire time with their eyes closed. That way, they don’t see how much of a mistake they’re making.
I don’t feel I am good enough, so it leads to a lot of overthinking and overcompensation. I want to be useful to them in some way, and that includes investing time I do not have enough of and money I can use to do other things. It takes a while to tell people I have crushes on them because when they eventually tell me they only see me as a friend, it’ll be a new degree of feelings to process. I prefer sticking to the scenarios I have in my head. Right now, I have a crush and I feel like I am running mad. A crush will crush you. I can’t wait for it to die down. I just want to be normal again.
John, 24
I hate the fact that the crushes are mostly in my head. It’s annoying that I can’t tell them because I am very shy, so I’m constantly worrying if they like me or not. There’s also the fact that I spend so much time having fantasies of them in my head, forgetting that there’s a real person outside of those fantasies.
I currently have a crush and as usual, they don’t know I like them. It’s long-distance and we’ve never met in person, but we talk. The conversations were good, but they’ve suddenly dried up. It’s not like I don’t want to learn more about the person, but it feels like the energy isn’t reciprocated anymore.
Tobi, 20
Crushes suck because they take a mental toll on my mind. I have a very obsessive-compulsive brain, so when I have a crush, I am extremely fixated. I’m also more prone to breakdowns and depressive episodes when I have a crush. In fact, it’s physically sickening because there is a type of chest pain that comes with having a crush.
My last major crush was on my current boyfriend and it was a deep and draining one. He’s a musician and I used to listen to his music obsessively on SoundCloud. His first major hit needed 200 plays to get to 1000 and I decided to stream the song all through the night. I didn’t know Soundcloud let people know when you streamed their music, so when he texted me to thank me, I almost entered the ground. I was mortified. One thing I realised is that crushes are way more unstable than relationships.
Richard, 22
Crushes are just so annoying and inconvenient. I become a teenager and I want to spend all the money I don’t have on you. It makes no sense. I don’t like having crushes because that means more time in my day that I’ll waste thinking. Especially when I know that I won’t even talk to them or make a move. If by some miracle, I do start talking to them, I lose interest. I really suck at continous conversation and there are very few people that understand that.
Also, all that getting to know you stage is a bit pretentious for me because if I have a crush on you, I definitely already know everything you like. Everything else will just be a bonus and no matter what you say, it wont matter because I like you.
Adaeze, 20
I hate not having control, not being able to compartmentalize my feelings, and how much they dictate my mood. My happiness can become contingent on how much attention they pay me and I measure the quality of my day based on our interactions. There are also the insecurities they can bring out of me. Constantly overanalysing whether my actions are good enough or not. There’s a lot of uncertainty with liking someone because with a crush, you never really know if it’s going to end in a relationship, situationship or friendship. With crushes, I feel like a crazy person.
