Today, I will be recapping the 2006 Nollywood crime heist (?) movie, Girl’s Cot.
Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To “, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc.) and recap them for your pleasure.
I know that this was 2006 but these Darling Yaki wigs are sending me!
Before we begin, I need you all to know that the director of Girl’s Cot, Afam Okereke, is also responsible for Beyonce & Rihanna and White Hunters. Do whatever you want with that information.
The movie starts with a thrilling car chase on the traffic-free roads of Abuja. Four girls dressed in shake & go wigs and insane early 2000s fashions are in an SUV being pursued by the police.
The girls drive into the compound of a lavish-looking mansion and lock the gate before the police can catch up to them. When the police van gets to the house, the detective present orders the policemen to storm the house and arrest the girls but the men are like, “Lol. No.” The detective asks:
And the men are like:
As the policemen are discussing where on the bad bitch scale the girls are, the girls emerge from the house to taunt the policemen…
…before going back in. The policemen are just there like:
I find all this incredibly amusing but I’m also confused as to what the hell is going on. As if on cue, the movie cuts to a flashback to explain how this group of girls came to be. Alicia (Rita Dominic) is a university student who is poor as shit. She gets into sex work but keeps getting screwed over by customers (literally and figuratively) who fuck and run without paying.
Alicia is chilling on her street corner one night when she meets Eve (Ini Edo). Eve gives Alicia some money and invites Alicia to come to live with her in her dorm room. Alicia gets to Eve’s dorm room and meets Eve’s roommate, Bella (Uche Jombo Rodriguez), who immediately expresses intense dislike for Alicia.
Alicia’s determination to become a happening babe on campus is what gives us what has become the most iconic Nollywood scene of all time. A group of popular campus babes are going to a party. Alicia sees them as they’re on their way and asks if she can go with them. You know what? You need to watch this scene yourself if you haven’t already.
The popular girls storm off and Alicia is left standing there like:
Eve, Alicia, and Bella are in their dorm room one day when a girl named Queen (Genevieve Nnaji) sashays in and says she was assigned to that room by the school. Bella tries to tell her off because they’re already three in the room but Queen subtly tells Bella to fuck off to hell.
Queen says that her father is the vice president of Nigeria but begs the girls not to tell anyone so she doesn’t draw unnecessary attention. When they ask the obvious question:
Queen says that she wants to feel what it’s like to live like the common man. Eve welcomes Queen with open arms and later tries to steal her shoes.
But gets caught in the act by Queen.
Eve is terrified that Queen will expose her but for some reason, Queen has no problems with being robbed. She even gives Eve a few of her shoes. Eve has no idea what to make of this behaviour but is happy to not be exposed as a thief.
Alicia and Bella are by themselves in the room one afternoon when Alicia catches Bella doing this:
After a few minutes of heavy flirting, Alicia reveals that she too is about that life and is like:
Since they’re both alone in the room, they proceed to bump genitals.
This storyline is weird and came out of nowhere but let’s see where they’ll go with it sha.
A few days later, Queen invites the girls to a party that’ll be attended by the top politicians in the country. The girls are about to turn down the invitation because they have nothing fancy to wear when Queen offers to buy clothes for all of them. They excitedly accept her offer and have the time of their lives at the party. At school the next day, they’re all bragging about the money they made from the men they met when Queen is like:
The girls are gagged and not in a good way. They start to argue but Queen shuts them up with the reminder that she spent a lot so they could attend the party. She also points out that her connections helped them make all that money and if they don’t give her what she’s asking, they’ll never have access to those rich men again. Defeated, the girls acquiesce to her demands, and she officially becomes their pimp.
Queen is walking across campus one day when a random student runs up to her and says this:
Queen is confused as to why the cultists would do this when the guy informs her that it’s because her secret is out. The whole school now knows that her father is the Vice President. Queen quickly moves out of the hostel and into a lavish-looking mansion in town; the same one the girls drive into in the movie’s opening scene. She invites the other girls to move in with her and they happily agree.
After going on a ₦1.6 million shopping spree, Queen gathers the girls and says:
Queen proposes that they become professional blackmailers for a living. The rest of the girls are apprehensive about doing this, probably because they’ve seen the 1996 action thriller, Set It Off, and don’t like how that movie ended for the protagonists, but Queen points out the skills they possess that’ll ensure their success.
After the pep talk from Queen, the girls agree.
Their jobs are simple. Queen and Eve bring the rich and powerful men they’re dating to the house.
Alicia comes in and seduces them.
The girls secretly make a video of the sexual encounter and then blackmail the men with it.
This movie clearly takes place in an alternate universe where a Nigerian politician’s career can actually be affected by something like a sex tape. Let’s just go along with it.
When a few of the politicians they’ve blackmailed report them to the police, they get Bella to sleep with the Inspector General of Police and blackmail him so he’ll make sure they’re untouchable.
And with this, the long-ass flashback ends and we end up where the movie began. Queen and the girls had just stolen a shit ton of pure gold from one of their victims and that’s why they were being chased by the police. They’re a menace. All of Abuja knows about their antics but no one can do anything about it.
Meanwhile, Alicia and Bella are having relationship drama. Alicia suggested that they elope to another country so they can get married and live openly but Bella is like, “Fuck no” because she wants to marry a man and have kids. Alicia feels like she’s been deceived and is constantly pissed but can’t explain to Queen or Eve why because her and Bella’s relationship is still a secret.
The movie gets super messy from here. Alicia finds out that Bella has a secret fiancé and sleeps with him to get back at her. Bella is pissed by this and moves out of the house. It’s revealed that Queen has a serious boyfriend who she genuinely loves. It’s also revealed that he’s been cheating on her with Eve.
The Inspector-General wants to do the right thing but doesn’t want his life ruined so he quits his job and flees. All the girls are arrested. The Vice President FINALLY shows up and reveals that Queen is indeed his daughter but from an illegitimate relationship. Queen accepts that she’s going to prison for life for her crimes but not before releasing an audio clip of the Vice President threatening to kill her and get rid of her body. Things end badly for everybody.
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