Most of us are afraid of something, whether it’s as basic as driving or as complex as rejection. To live our lives to the fullest, we must eliminate these fears.
Here’s what these Nigerians had to say about overcoming their fears.
I had to start living for myself — everyone would adjust
— James*, 27
My biggest fear was disappointing my parents. So when they expected me to get a job at an oil company after graduation because I was an engineering student, I didn’t tell them I was more interested in design.
I got a job at an Engineering company, but every day I had to go to work felt like torture. So I realised I had to start living my life for myself — everyone would adjust.
After that, I quit the job. My dad and I had a big fight about it. But five years later, he’s one of my major supporters.
I post more pictures and videos because I’ve gotten comfortable in my skin
— Godwin, 25
Due to my insecurity about my appearance and the fear that people wouldn’t accept me, I decided to build my brand without a face — an anonymous Twitter influencer brand. Sometimes, I’d post a picture but immediately take it down because someone left negative comments on them.
But I made up my mind to reveal myself on my 25th birthday after being anonymous for six years. I was so nervous after making the post that I went offline. When I went back online, I saw people complimenting and gushing over the pictures.
Conquering this fear helped me find myself. I’ve started to post more photos and videos because I’ve gotten comfortable in my skin. I even changed my username to my real name because it felt more authentic.
He told me he didn’t think my brain could carry it
— Steph, 27
In my early university days, I reached out to an acquaintance to teach me how to code, and he flat-out told me he didn’t think my head could carry it. And just like that, I developed a phobia for coding. I didn’t really blame him because we were coursemates at the time, studying Industrial Mathematics, and I struggled to grasp the theories and hypotheses we were learning.
It wasn’t until my final year that I found out a guy I considered unserious was not only a designer but a programmer as well. I figured if he could do it, so could I. Now, guess who’s paying his bills through programming?
I realised my mind created the fears
— Andy, 21
It may sound silly, but I used to be terrified of driving. Because I’d seen too many videos of car accidents, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I could hit someone one day. But I knew I’d have to drive sooner or later; when I thought about it, I was only just scared of the process. I realised my mind created the fears. And in the end, we can do “almost” anything if we set our mind to it.
That single experience taught me to do it scared
— Ugo, 25
Anyone who knows me would know I struggle with public speaking. So when my office selected me to speak at a conference to a group of influential people, including the governor of Lagos state, I was terrified. I had a runny stomach throughout the day, heart palpitations nonstop, and my palms were sweaty. I had to reach out to my sister, who gave me a long “Ted” talk.
I’m still scared of public speaking and putting myself out there, but that single experience has taught me to do it afraid because what’s the worst that could happen?
I stopped focusing on doing everything right
— Jane, 24
I’ve always been terrified by the whole process of childbirth. The fears intensified when I got pregnant after my wedding. I started to question if I could do it, if I’d make it alive, or if the baby would be healthy. It didn’t help that family members kept sharing their different dreams about the pregnancy. But I decided to take it one day at a time and stop focusing so hard on doing everything right. I also learnt to block out all the negative energy because fear could kill you even before what you’re afraid of does.
The one thing I feared, happened
— Patricia, 24
I worked at a digital marketing firm until the pandemic started, and the one thing I feared happened: I lost my job. I was very depressed during the lockdown period, so I turned to photography. I started taking pictures of random things and people. It felt like an escape from the depression. In hindsight, I’m grateful things played out the way they did because, in overcoming the fear, I moved closer to something I wasn’t just passionate about but also really good at. Two years later, I’m still taking pictures of people and telling stories through my lens.
If I didn’t take the bold move, I’d always settle for less
— Grace, 26
My biggest fear has been of new beginnings. Without family or close friends, I moved to Lagos for my NYSC. Even though I was lucky enough to find someone to accommodate me for a period, I had to forfeit fashion design. After NYSC, the fear doubled. I wanted to get my place and return to my business, but I was scared of living on my own and not making enough money to meet rent; I even questioned if fashion would pay off since I didn’t have any clients or customers in Lagos. I was so scared of failing I started to consider going back home to Benin.
Talking to a friend of mine reminded me of my strengths. She made me understand that if I didn’t put myself out there and take the bold move, I’d always settle for less. The fears haven’t stopped completely, but now, I’m more open to trying new things because you never really know what the outcome may be. So I made a downpayment for my apartment, and I’m looking forward to launching my business in Lagos.
Never back down from taking control of your narrative and shining wherever you find yourself, regardless of norms and expectations. Join the Bold conversation, and don’t be afraid to #ShowYourColours.
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*Some names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
