Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
How did you meet?
Jola: We met at a friend’s off-campus birthday party in 2016. We were still undergrads, and I think our whole class attended it. The place was packed because her boyfriend had taken over the party, and I barely knew anyone.
At some point, I saw this guy sitting by himself, looking very chill and contemplative. I watched him for a bit and noticed one of my friends knew him. Later on, I asked him to introduce us. The chill guy turned out to be Alex.
Alex: That’s pretty much it. We were introduced, and just like that, she came into my life. A week later, she moved into my flat.
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Before or after you’d agreed to date?
Alex: After. But we never really agreed; we just knew. We talked for a long time during the party, eventually left and took a stroll where we didn’t say much. Then we ended up at my place. The relationship started right away, to be honest.
Jola: There was no asking out. There was just “I like you”, “I like you too”. Then months later, “I love you”, “I love you too”. That was really it for us. We knew we’d met the one.
We graduated the following year, so it was great to have him as a present support system through graduation struggles, NYSC and the start of our careers. We’re both creatives, so we were able to develop our craft together, hustle for gigs together and so on.
Alex: It was pretty convenient for us to fall in love.
Since we’ve jumped to that, how exactly did you know you were in love?
Alex: She moved in pretty early on, and it somehow felt natural. That must’ve been the first sign.
As soon as she came with her black box and big pink bag — without my prior permission, by the way — I don’t think I’d ever been happier, and I’m usually territorial.
I’m always so happy to do things for her, to get her gifts or just small things she likes, and she always pops up in my mind when something interesting is happening.
Jola: I knew I was in love with him after living with him for about a month and realising I wasn’t sick of him. He’s such a pleasure to live with. He’s not perfect — we do have our fights once in a while — but he’s so considerate, neat and clean. In fact, I’ve learnt to be cleaner from him.
I also always want to be with him, but I’ve never felt like he thinks I’m too needy or clingy.
Alex: Yeah. We go everywhere together. We’re like each other’s hand bag. We don’t have everything in common, but we have such good conversations. We can talk for hours and hours.
Jola: We were considering starting a podcast together, inspired by my popular namesake. But that was before literally everyone jumped on it.
Right? But what led up to Jola moving in? What was it about that first week?
Jola: It’s been over seven years. Not sure it was even that big of a deal. I’ll say I wanted to visit him all the time.
Alex: She was always at my place after that first night. Maybe because it was closer to campus and in a more convenient part of the school community than hers.
Jola: I’d go straight to his after classes or we’d go out together and end up back there after. Then I’d find it hard to make it back to my flat later.
Alex: Either it’d get too late or we just didn’t want to part ways. So most nights, she’d sleep over.
Jola: Then in the morning, I’d be worried about getting ready, if my clothes were rumpled, stuff like that. By the end of the first week, I was tired of that routine. I went home one afternoon, packed my important items and returned to his place. Over the next few days, I moved my remaining things and abandoned the rest. Even after graduation, I never went back to my parents’ house.
Wild. How did they take that?
Jola: They pushed back for a bit. My mum felt I just wanted freedom to be wayward, but once they knew the pressure wasn’t working, they eased off. It helped that I didn’t need them for the rent because they’d never have released funds. I also stopped asking them for allowance.
Alex: My parents, on the other hand, thought I should’ve been saving for important projects instead of spending on rent so early. But it’s not like we got an apartment in Lekki Phase 1. I told them to calm down.
Jola
Alex: We really tried o. We’ve come far.
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True. How are you guys not married yet?
Jola: We’re still saving for that o. Country hard. Haven’t you heard?
Alex: And when we think “marriage”, we also think of children. We have high hopes for our future kids — what school they’ll attend, what activities we’d like for them to be involved in — so we need to get to a certain level in our careers first.
Jola: That’s it.
Alex: Besides that, we’re already married in our own eyes.
Fair. But what was your first major fight about?
Jola: So when we first got together in 2016, he used to study overnight a lot. He’d leave the bedroom light on through the night instead of just going to the living room. He didn’t like going there because he shared it with his two housemates.
Meanwhile, I’m a light sleeper and can’t sleep if it’s not pitch dark. I thought since he knew this, he’d stop, but no. One time, he did it for three days straight, and I wasn’t getting any sleep.
Alex: Yeah. I actually didn’t put two and two together.
Jola: When I finally told him on the fourth day, he just dismissed it — his studies were more important than my rest. That night, two of his coursemates came to the room to read until around midnight. I had an exam at 8 a.m. the next day. I was so angry, and I told him as soon as they left.
Alex: She ranted for a while and then started crying. I stood there shocked. I sincerely had no idea the light was affecting her sleep. I really felt bad, but me too, I didn’t immediately apologise. I just left the room for her that night. I actually cried in the sitting room because of how bad I felt, and I was also overwhelmed with final exam pressure and exhaustion.
Jola: We gave each other attitude for the rest of the exam period, but as soon as it was done, we made up and it was as if the fight never happened. It was just exam hormones.
What’s the best thing about being together so far?
Jola: How well we understand each other and get along.
Alex: Yeah. The whole foundation of our relationship is that we get along well. Everything happens naturally.
Jola: We get along with the other important people in each other’s lives too. All our friends are now friends with each other, same with our siblings and parents. We even use each other as a vibe check. If you don’t get along with someone I’m about to be friends with, they usually get cut off and vice versa.
Alex: We also have so many inside jokes now. How could I start that over with someone new?
What’s the most unconventional thing about your relationship?
Jola: How little sex we have? People expect that we must have a lot of sex because of how clingy we are to each other, but we only have sex every other day.
Alex: Are you joking? Tell me you’re joking.
Jola: Maybe twice a week at most.
Anyway we made a decision a few years back to only fight or argue via text. Even if we’re in the same house.
Alex: It doesn’t always work, but it’s the funniest thing when it happens. And depending on how serious the fight is, it diffuses the situation a bit. Have you ever texted while you’re angry? It’s the worst.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Jola: A high 8 that’s leaning towards 9.
Alex: 9
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