It’s one thing to find out your partner shares their genitals around town like a blunt at a party. It’s another thing to find out your friend’s partner is doing the same. But what do you do this time? Do you tell them, keep it to yourself, or take matters into your own hands and tell them to square up on the Third Mainland Bridge?
You don’t have to make this decision on your own. Here’s what you should do.
Consider how close you and your friend are
We’re not telling you to repay evil with evil, but think long and hard about this friendship. Would they give you the last slice of pizza just because? Would they fight for you? Would they call you a jealous witch, ask you to get out of their sight, and then report you to their philandering partner? Think about it.
Ignore the situation
If you live in Nigeria, there are already a million and one things you could pour your time and attention into. Someone else’s relationship doesn’t have to be one of them. So consider ignoring the entire situation; focus more on how your village people and internet provider are conspiring to frustrate you out of a job.
Get proof they’re a cheat
We understand that, like goats, some people are stubborn AF. So, if you’re going to tell your friend that their partner is community property, at least do it with evidence before they call you everything but the name your mother gave you.
Psst! Where are our Zikoko Ships now?
Find out how three of our Ships are doing five years later:
Spoiler alert: it’s lovey-dovey 
Ignore the cheat
It might be tempting to confront and punch them in the face but don’t do it. They’ll take it to your friend and lie their ass off before you even get to tell on their cheating ass.
Don’t ignore the cheat
After showing your friend the evidence you’ve gathered about how their partner wines and dines with Lucifer, consider spraying “cheat” in big, bold letters on their car. Public embarrassment for publicly embarrassing your friend doesn’t sound bad.
Drop hints
If you don’t know how to tell your friend that they’re in a loveless relationship with the weapon fashioned against them, consider doing it with a billboard. Put “Mmesoma, your partner is a roaring cheat with no self-control” on a billboard and hope they get the message.
Consider doing it anonymously
Buy a new sim card or open a burner account on Instagram and tell them the truth, complete with evidence (before they cuss you and your good heart out). Now you can rest; you’ve done your part.
