It’s that time for the 2024 AMVCAs. That special time of year when Nigerian celebrities (led by every past and present BBNaija cast member for some reason) storm the halls of Eko Hotel in the most outlandish Tiannah Styling creations to celebrate the best of Nollywood movies. 

To quote Aretha Franklin, there were great and beautiful gowns this year. There were also many terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad gowns. Let’s talk about all of them. 

Looks like an Igbo Batman villain.

I love that Elozonam clearly went into the studio to photograph his outfit but got so lost in the magic of greenscreen that the photoshoot ended with him inadvertently joining the Greek god Pantheon. 

You know when you leave potatoes in a warm space for a while and you come back to find them growing terrifying roots because the room’s temperature has tricked them into thinking it’s spring (i.e. time to sprout)? That’s what this dress reminds me of.

I don’t agree with the sleeves of this dress. You can tell the designer thought the initial look was too simple and decided to spice things up by adding so many flowers that whoever wears it automatically becomes the May Queen of a violent cult in rural Sweden

This suit is serving Mafia but make it Igbo. I feel like he’s about to whip out a shotgun from that enormous jacket and shoot me in the face for not refilling his snuff-box on time. I respect it. 

Many exotic birds and pairs of jeans died to make this look, and that doesn’t sit right with me. Also, I love that the concept of product placement has evolved to the point where brands demand that people become walking advertisements. 

Obsessed with the fact that Toke looked at this dress and said, “You know what this really needs to pop? A hat for my left boob.” You better werk, bitch.

Tacha took Toke’s concept a step further and gave her right boob its own corset. There’s a member of the Hunger Games costume design team wishing they came up with this first. Can you imagine Effie stepping out in this insane number to conduct the District 12 reaping?

I’m gagged because this is the best I’ve ever seen Lekan look. I’m also gagged because this makes him look like the end result of a forbidden but steamy sexual relationship between the Monopoly Man and the Pringles mascot

Many people think this outfit is giving Poison Ivy (and I kinda see how). However, somewhere in the execution stage, it quickly and unexpectedly started giving Grinch Couture and the designer just went with it because they were out of time. 

Phantom of the Opera.

I have nothing to say about this dress. I’m just here to point out that she always stands like Wonder Woman on red carpets, and I think it’s funny as hell. Maybe it’s the corsets. Maybe it’s the one-sided rivalry. 

I don’t know if it’s the makeup or the way the photo is edited but she looks like a Wallace and Gromit character. Mama, the makeup is giving claymation. It’s making her look like a high-quality muppet. I’m so scared.

Biblically Accurate AMVCA Guest.

I’ve always maintained that Dr Rommulus looks like a mischievous cartoon snake. Something about the way he looks makes my mind disagree with his existence. My mind also disagrees that that’s his actual shoe size. He looks like if a clown stepped into the Matrix. 

Someone said this look is a commentary on the current price of a bag of rice. I’m holding onto this explanation as the truth because I’ll start spiralling over what’s going on here if I don’t. 

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