Zikoko walks into the empty Chicken Republic outlet.
Chicken Republic Chicken: Welcome to my not-so-humble home!
Zikoko:
Thank you?
Zikoko sits and pulls out a notepad and voice recorder.
Zikoko: You said you want to tell your story?
Chicken Republic Chicken takes Zikoko’s hands in his.
Zikoko:
Chicken Republic Chicken: Thank you for gracing us with your presence. I told people you were coming to speak to me and they called me a liar. Shame to all my haters!
Chicken Republic Chicken turns to his videographer.
CRC: Did you get that?
Zikoko: What’s happening?
CRC: I’m making a documentary, “The life and times of Chicken Republic Chicken: The sustainer of the average Nigerian.” It slaps, abi?
Zikoko: I guess.
CRC:
You guess? Look, it doesn’t get any better than Christopher Romanus Chicken.
Zikoko: That’s your name?
CRC: Not really, but it sounds nice.
Zikoko: Ear dey pain you?
CRC:
Zikoko: My apologies.
CRC: Did my haters send you?
Zikoko: You have haters?
CRC: Shocking, right? How could anyone hate a delectable meal like me? Versatile, multitalented, award-winning … It’s jealousy. They’re jealous of me and my success. They want to be like me and taste like me, but I’m one of a kind.
Zikoko: You believe in yourself o.
CRC:
Are you one of my haters?
Zikoko: No! It’s just nice to see self-love.
CRC: Better.
Zikoko: So who are these haters?
CRC:You want me to give them free clout at my interview? Never.
Zikoko: (under their breath) But you just finished talking-
CRC: I know what they can do with their hate though. They can shove it up their –
Zikoko: Okay! Talk to your fans now. Tell us how you started.
CRC: Divine inspiration. I had a vision where I was a king, and all these other fraudulent proteins were bowing to me. Next thing, I started Chicken republic. How many other proteins have their own state?
Zikoko opens its mouth to speak.
CRC: Exactly. I’ve always known I was destined for great things, big things.
Zikoko: So you just manifested this?
CRC: Manifestation, delegation, natural talent, grace and one word.
Zikoko leans forward.
Zikoko: What word?
CRC: “Nice. “
Zikoko: Yeah?
CRC: “Nice.”
Zikoko: Like, “Gongo Aso” 9ice?
CRC: Zikoko, don’t upset me. It’s “nice”.
Zikoko: You like getting upset?
CRC: The word is “Nice” as in “Nice nice”. How are you doing your job like this?
Zikoko: Sorry. It’s the aroma from the kitchen.
CRC: That’s why you want to frustrate me?
Zikoko: It smells really nice o.
Zikoko takes a deep breath.
Zikoko: Is that jollof and spicy fried-
Zikoko gets up, sniffing their way into the kitchen.
CRC: Zikoko! Zikoko you can’t go in there!! What type of interview is this?
