Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Nneka: We met at a lounge in 2022. I was out with some friends, trying to unwind after a long week. Daniel was there, taking photos for an event that was happening on the side. I noticed him because he was really into it — like he was capturing something more than just faces. There was this confidence about him, and well, I found him incredibly attractive.
I’m not usually one to approach someone, but I decided to make the first move that night. I asked him if he could take a picture of me and my friends, and we started talking from there.
Daniel: I remember that night clearly. When she asked me to take her picture, I wanted to tell her I was working, but I could tell she was interested in more than just the photo. We started chatting, and she was upfront about what she wanted.
Her honesty caught me off guard, but in a good way. We exchanged numbers, and things took off from there. It was clear from the start that this would be more about mutual benefits than love, and we were both fine with that.
What has kept this relationship going?
Nneka: Honestly, it’s his looks. I won’t pretend that wasn’t the first thing that caught my eye.
After my divorce in 2021, I wasn’t looking for anything serious, just someone who could bring some excitement back into my life. And Daniel does that—he’s young, fit, and knows how to keep things interesting. What keeps me around is the fact that he fulfils my needs without any of the emotional baggage that comes with a traditional relationship.
Daniel: Being a photographer in Lagos isn’t easy, and I’ve always had to hustle to make ends meet. With Nneka, it’s straightforward— she takes care of me, and I make sure she’s happy. I respect her, and I do care about her, but I know what this relationship is, and I’m fine with that. I’ve got goals, and being with her moves me closer to achieving them.
So what exactly happened after that first meeting?
Nneka: I reached out to him the next day. We met up for lunch, and that’s when we really laid everything out on the table. He was open about his situation, telling me about his work and how tough things were. We both knew what we wanted and agreed to give it a try.
Daniel: That lunch was when things got real. After that, we started seeing each other regularly. She’d help me out financially, and in return, I made sure she got the attention and company she wanted.
Neat. How has that worked out?
Daniel: Things moved quickly. We settled into a routine — dinners out, occasional weekend getaways and regular late-night meet-ups at her place. It was convenient and uncomplicated.
Nneka: Over time, I think we’ve started to care about each other more than I expected, but we both keep it in check.
Daniel: We have a good thing going, and neither of us wants to complicate it. We don’t bother with labels or try to make it into something it’s not. It’s been almost three years now, and we’ve managed to keep things steady by staying honest about what this relationship is — and what it isn’t.
How does the financial part work?
Daniel: It’s not just about giving me cash or paying for our outings, even though that definitely happens too.
She helped me upgrade my photography gear, which was a big deal for me. When we first met, I was using a pretty basic setup, which was holding me back. Nneka saw potential in my work and didn’t hesitate to invest in better equipment. She bought me a new camera, lenses, and even helped me set up a small studio space. She also covered some of my living expenses, taking a lot of pressure off me.
Nneka: In return, I expect him to be available whenever I need him, whether it’s to accompany me to events or just spend time with me. He also has to keep himself in shape and make sure he always looks good.
Daniel: But she’s so generous. She’s given me money to help my family out a couple of times before. She doesn’t just think about me—she knows I have responsibilities, and has been willing to support me in fulfilling them.
Do you ever feel conflicted about being in a transactional relationship?
Nneka: Not really. I was married for 27 years, and I spent eight of those years estranged from my ex-husband. I’ve dealt with all the complications that come with love and commitment.
With Daniel, there’s no pretending. There’s no pressure to be anything more than what we are to each other, and it’s been refreshing. It’s about fulfilling needs—mine are more physical, and his are more financial. It works for us.
Daniel: I grew up in a tough environment; money has always been a big deal. I’ve dated younger women, but the stress of trying to build something real while struggling financially wasn’t worth it. I’ve been with other older women too, but they will stress you? With Nneka, I’m able to focus on my career, and that’s what matters to me right now.
Maybe someday, I’ll look for something more. But for now, this is what I need.
Do your family or friends know about this?
Daniel: Mostly no. But of course, my best friend knows.
We’ve known each other since secondary school, so he’s seen me go through a lot. When I first told him about it, he wasn’t too bothered. But he’s recently started questioning my choices.
Nneka: Maybe he didn’t realise we’d be together for so long.
Have you met this friend, Nneka?
Nneka: No. I’m curious to hear about this myself.
Daniel: One time, we were out drinking, and he just kept saying things like, “Man, you’re wasting your youth. What’s going to happen when she gets tired of you? Are you just going to hop from one sugar mummy to another?” He was worried that I’d get used to the easy money and never want to work hard again.
I tried to explain that it wasn’t just about the money — Nneka is helping me build my future. He literally said I was letting myself be “kept,” like I was some sort of toy for an older woman’s amusement. We’ve made up since then sha.
What about you, Nneka, do your people know?
Nneka: I’ve been very selective about who I tell and how much I share, but some things inevitably come out.
One of the more challenging conversations was with my eldest daughter, who lives abroad. She called me one evening and asked me why I was with someone so much younger—she’d heard from my lastborn who’s in a Nigerian boarding school. She was concerned that he’d just take advantage of me and steal my money.
Daniel: Meanwhile, she gives it freely.
Right?
Nneka: My close circle of friends have been even more critical. One of them is in a similar relationship. But another friend, in particular, is very traditional and can’t grasp why we’d be involved with younger men. At a recent dinner party, she made a comment about my “mid-life crisis” and implied that I was being foolish for dating someone who was clearly using me.
Daniel: I’ve met this particular friend, and she’s always so nice to me. I don’t even get.
Nneka: These conversations haven’t been easy, but I’ve tried to stay firm in my choice. I know people have their opinions, but this relationship works for me right now. It’s not about fitting into societal norms but about finding what suits my current needs and circumstances.
Any chance this relationship could evolve into something more serious?
Nneka: I doubt it. I’m not looking to get married again or start another family. I’ve done all that. We’ve been together for two years, and while we care for each other, I know he’s not in this for love. When the time comes to move on, we’ll do so without any hard feelings. I’m enjoying the present, and that’s enough for me.
Daniel: Like I said, I have goals. I’m using this time to build my career and save up. Eventually, I’ll want to move on and focus on something more permanent. But right now, this relationship gives me the stability I need. When I’m ready, I’ll figure out the next step.
How do you balance the power dynamic?
Nneka: We’ve developed a mutual respect over time. I don’t try to control him, and he’s not greedy. He knows that as long as he keeps me happy, I’ll keep supporting him. We’ve both agreed to those terms.
Daniel: It’s all about understanding the rules. I know what Nneka expects, and I deliver. In return, she makes sure I’m taken care of. It’s not a typical relationship, but it’s honest. I don’t feel powerless because I know my value in this dynamic. We communicate openly about our needs and boundaries, and that’s why it works.
Is there an actual contract signed somewhere?
Nneka: Nothing formal like that. It’s an unspoken agreement between us. I know that might sound risky, but we’ve managed to maintain a balance because we both have something to lose if things go south.
He’s never tried to push for more than what we’ve agreed upon. He’s respectful of my space, my time, and my family. And honestly, I’m not naive — I’ve been around long enough to see when someone is trying to play me. Daniel hasn’t shown any signs of that. He’s been consistent, and that gives me confidence.
Daniel: I know how good I have it. I wouldn’t risk losing this by overstepping. There’s no formal contract, but we’ve had enough conversations to know where we stand.
I also know that if I tried to take advantage of her, it would backfire sha. She’s smart, experienced, and she has connections that could make my life difficult. So I stick to our arrangement because it’s beneficial for both of us.
Have you ever felt emotional pressure within the relationship?
Daniel: There have been times when I felt the weight of expectations. When you’re with someone older and wealthier, there’s always the unspoken pressure to be perfect and meet their needs. It’s not always easy. We’ve had our share of arguments and misunderstandings, but we’ve also grown stronger because of them.
Nneka: There are moments when the financial dynamics come into play. Sometimes, it’s like I’m the one in control because I provide the money. But Daniel contributes emotionally, creatively, and by being there for me in ways money can’t buy.
What are some common misconceptions about the glucose guardian-glucose issue situation?
Nneka: That it’s all about sex and money?
Okay, I know ours sounds exactly like that, but that’s not the full picture. While the financial aspect is significant, there’s still genuine respect and care. Another misconception is that the younger person is always being exploited, but it’s more nuanced than that. Relationships, no matter their nature, are complex.
Daniel: I’d add that people often think we have nothing in common, or that we’re fundamentally incompatible because of the age gap. But that’s not true. Nneka and I share many interests—art, travel, and even some business ventures. Also, people underestimate the support and growth that can come from it. She’s been instrumental in my career, offering guidance and opportunities I might never have had otherwise.
I know you said “nothing serious”, but how else do you see your relationship evolving in the future?
Nneka: I try not to think far ahead because life is unpredictable. But we’ve talked about some long-term plans, like travelling more and maybe even starting a small business together. Whatever happens, I know we have a deep bond that’ll carry us through—even if it’s not a romantic bond.
Daniel: I agree.
You also said something about arguments and misunderstandings. What was your first major fight about?
Nneka: Things had been going smoothly up until maybe five months into the relationship.
We’d planned to spend the weekend at a resort, and I was looking forward to it because I needed a break from work and everything else. But he cancelled at the last minute on the day we were supposed to leave, saying a “job” came up. He didn’t give me any details. I was furious because I had already made all the arrangements.
Daniel: It was actually a last-minute opportunity to shoot an event for a high-profile client. I’d been waiting for them to get back to me for several months. It was a big deal for me, something that could open doors and help my business grow. I couldn’t explain well because I was already panicking over the impromptu logistics for the job.
Did things escalate badly?
Nneka: Yes. I accused him of being unreliable and not taking our relationship seriously. I remember saying something like, “If our arrangement was a real job, you wouldn’t just cancel last minute. Why should it be any different?” I was hurt because with my ex-husband, I always felt second to his work, and I wasn’t about to let that happen again.
Daniel: I felt like Nneka didn’t understand my situation. I tried to explain this to her later on, but she wasn’t hearing it. She kept saying I should have told the client no, that I’d already made plans with her and I should’ve respected those plans. I remember accusing her of wanting me to be dependent on her so I wouldn’t have any other options.
How did the relationship move past that?
Nneka: We didn’t speak for a few days, which was unusual because we were used to talking every day by then.
Eventually, I reached out, and we met up to talk things through. We agreed we needed to be clearer about our expectations and boundaries. He had to understand that, while I was willing to support him, I needed to be a priority too.
Daniel: When she reached out, I felt happy that she valued me. I wasn’t completely satisfied with the resolution. Sure, we talked things through, and I said all the right things. But deep down, I felt a bit cornered. The whole situation made me realise just how much power dynamics were at play in our relationship, and I had to be more serious.
I decided I didn’t want to rock the boat and risk losing everything I had gained by being with her. I told myself that as long as I could build my career and eventually stand on my own two feet, I’d be okay with making some compromises.
That’s why I said I know my value in this dynamic.
Nneka: Since then, we’ve had other disagreements, but that first major fight set the tone for how we handle conflicts.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your Love Life?
Daniel: It’s probably a 7. I enjoy our time together—sex, conversations, all-round enjoyment. We care about each other. We’re both getting something we want. But it also feels a lot like a situationship, so I don’t feel settled.
So yeah, a 7 feels about right.
Nneka: Based on that, I’d say it’s around a 6.
He knows how to make me feel young and alive, which is something I’ve missed for a long time. But it’s not the deep, emotional connection I once had in my marriage. It’s good, but it’s not perfect.
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