Janet* (28) first met her long-term best friend, Jesse*, when she was 13. She talks about their 15-year friendship, people mistaking their closeness for romance and why she doesn’t want to date Jesse.
As told to Boluwatife
Image by Freepik AI
My best friend, Jesse*, has been the one constant in my life for the past 15 years. It’s funny how I initially hated him.
We met in 2009 when we were in JSS 3 at the same secondary school. Jesse joined my class in the middle of the second term as a transfer student, and I remember thinking, “Who joins a new class halfway through the school year?”
We got talking when Jesse inevitably fell behind on most of the subjects. He had weeks and weeks of notes to write, so he came to my seat to ask me for my English notes. Apparently, other students had told him I kept the most detailed notes, so I was the obvious choice.
I lent him the note, but Jesse lost it after two days. To make matters worse, he didn’t tell me because he was scared of how I’d react. He came up with excuses whenever I asked for the note and only came clean when it was three weeks to exams.
Of course, I was angry. I reported Jesse to a teacher who punished and directed him to rewrite my note from scratch. He wrote the note and even stuck an apology card inside. I was still angry with him, so I tore the card into pieces and dropped it on his desk.
But Jesse didn’t mind my reaction. It was as if my anger only made him more determined to make me smile. Every day, he’d stop by my desk to tell me a joke or present me with snacks. On my part, I thought he was an unserious fellow who joked too much, and I’m not sure why, but I just hated his guts.
He started to wear me down towards the end of third term, and I began to look forward to his “disturbance”. Then, when we resumed SS 1, we found each other in the same science class and immediately became fast friends.
Ironically, Jesse’s parents moved to a new house in my neighbourhood that same year, which made Jesse and me even closer.
Every morning, Jesse would walk down to my house to wait for me to get ready, so we’d walk to school together. The distance from my house to our school was about 30 minutes on foot, but rather than take a bus, Jesse and I chose to walk and gist all the way.
When we got to school, we used our transport money to buy Ghana buns to share over lunch break. After school, we’d buy yoghurts and drink them while we walked home.
We quickly became inseparable. Our classmates used to call us “husband and wife” teasingly, but we just really enjoyed each other’s company. Our friendship did not have a romantic undertone.
In fact, Jesse had a crush on another classmate when we got to SS 3 and begged me for weeks to talk to his crush on his behalf. They eventually got dating, but the girl dumped him by second term because he spent all his time with me. I did try to include her in all the discussions and walks that Jesse and I usually did together. But she wanted Jesse to stop talking to me to focus on her instead, and he just couldn’t do it.
Leaving secondary school in 2012 was extra emotional because we knew we couldn’t attend the same university. Jesse’s parents had always said he’d attend their church’s private university, and I knew there was no way my parents could afford that.
But somehow, even when we attended university in different states, we kept our friendship intact. We met up during school holidays, but whenever we were in school, we kept in touch through FaceBook, 2go, Blackberry Messenger, and phone calls. Omo, we made so many phone calls, especially at midnight, because it was cheaper.
We also tried to create memories together by watching movies and TV series at the same time so we could talk about it.
We’d just finished watching an episode of “Friends” when we decided to start telling each other, “I love you,” as an inside joke. We thought, well, people don’t understand how two people of the opposite sex can be platonic friends but still genuinely love each other, so let’s throw them off even more.
Since then, we’ve ended every conversation with “I love you.” It’s still difficult to explain to others, but it was worse when we first started saying it.
Jesse had a girlfriend then, and while she was cordial with me, she always complained to him that she didn’t like our declarations of love. So, he toned it down whenever he was around her. It wasn’t much of a problem for me because I dated a lot of fuckboys in uni, and most of them didn’t care.
Jesse thinks I expect too little in romantic relationships, so I typically go for guys who break my heart. I’m still not sure whether to accept that analysis, but knowing I have a best friend who loves me unconditionally and without expectations somehow reduces the hurt from my almost non-existent love life.
Jesse and I have lived in the same city since 2019, and while we don’t see each other as often because of adulting struggles and work, our friendship has remained as steady as a rock. We talk on the phone daily, send each other little gifts and are even part of each other’s families. I think of Jesse as my soulmate; he just gets me.
He’s currently in a long-distance relationship with the girl he’s been dating since 2021 — she relocated last year — and I’m still as single as ever. This dynamic often makes mutual friends joke that we’ll hook up one day or suddenly realise we want to be together romantically, especially because we go on friendship dates at least once a month.
Some friends have even whispered to his girlfriend not to trust him fully since she’s far away in a whole other country while Jesse and I are so close in the same city.
It gets tiring having to constantly explain that I don’t want to date my best friend. Is it really that difficult to imagine people can love each other and not want to have sex?
I’m very sure that attempting to make our relationship romantic will ruin our friendship. We’ve never talked about becoming more than friends, and I don’t want it either. Jesse is the one good thing in my life. I’m shit at romantic relationships.
What if we start dating, and I mess it up? I wouldn’t just be losing a boyfriend; I’d be losing my best friend and literal soulmate. That’s too big a risk to take just because of sex. At least, as friends, I know he’ll be part of my life forever, and I’m okay with that.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: My Best Friend and I Plan to Marry Each Other if We’re Still Single at 30
