Have you ever received relationship advice from or consulted your wise friends and family for counsel on matters of the heart? These Nigerians share how that went for them.
Chude, 26
I often asked a long-time friend out, but she declined because of my “player” reputation. At some point, I decided to let go and move on.
I started dating a new girl, and I liked her. Four months into my new relationship, I got a text from my long-time friend asking if she could still be my girlfriend. I was amazed by the text, and my reaction got my best friend’s attention from where I was seated in the house.
He already knew the story and how much I was invested in my new relationship, but he advised me to cheat on my girlfriend anyway. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, but I induced anyway.
I started dating my longtime friend while I had a girlfriend. When my girlfriend found out I was cheating, she called it off immediately. Still getting high off my friend’s bad advice, I wasn’t bothered a bit, mainly because I had another girl I always wanted. Then, one day, eight months into the new relationship, my new babe said she wasn’t interested in “whatever we call it” again. She said I didn’t offend her, and I did nothing. She was done and over it. I wasn’t too pained until I saw this babe’s engagement photos on her WhatsApp status. She didn’t even block me from her line or WhatsApp. I was confused and sad af. Her carefree attitude left me broken for so long that I avoided women and started referencing that babe as the greatest “player”.
Both babes are married now, and I wish I hadn’t hurt the first one who wanted to be with me.
Adebimpe*, 26
I’m seven months into a relationship with my boyfriend, who lost his job two months after we began dating. He took every test and interview, but nothing came up. The whole thing stressed him out, and he always complained about it until I grew tired.
I mentioned his job issue to a mutual friend, who told me to focus on other men with money who wouldn’t slow me down. As my boyfriend’s frustration grew, I also grew tired of his nagging. I grew a little apart from him and slowly opened up to responding to DMs from some of the other guys I usually ignored. My man got a job now, but he also found out that I’ve been talking to other guys. I have explained several times that I wasn’t cheating on him and hadn’t gone out with anyone, but he’s so mad at me, and I love him.
Isaac*, 33
My family told me, “Marry with the little you have.”
I wish I hadn’t taken the advice, but I was also eager to get married because I didn’t like prolonged relationships. That was a big mistake.
Now, I’ve realised that marriages can’t survive without financial support. Money shouldn’t be the main focus, but it becomes the only focus if you don’t have it. No woman wants a broke man. I’m not proud to say this, but I’m lucky to have my wife because she’s a good survivalist.
There’s been little financial change since we married two years ago, but I hope it improves. No one should take advice like this; it doesn’t work for everyone.
Ayo, 28
My ex-girlfriend and I had issues in 2017. We’d go like two days without talking, then I’d apologise, and we’d get back together. One time, I decided I wouldn’t apologise first. Days passed, and we didn’t speak, so I got worried and asked a female friend for advice.
“All you need to do is make her jealous, and she’ll come around,” she said. So, my friend took it further (with my knowledge) and texted SubDeliveryMan, saying she had a crush on me. I stupidly commented that the “anon” person should DM me. My girlfriend saw the viral SDM tweet and sent it to me with a “What’s this???” question, and she was mad that I was flirting with other babes. I came clean and explained that I was just trying to make her jealous, but she wasn’t having it. She almost fought and publicly called out my friend.
The situation irritated her a lot, and it ended our relationship. I thought I did something grand to fight for my love. But to be honest, after it ended, I realised what a big fool I was for descending that low to make my ex jealous and “rush” me. She dislikes my friend to this day.
Onome*, 29
When my ex first cheated on me in my last relationship, I thought I loved him so much, and I could change him. So, I didn’t dwell on it much and let the issue slide because of the advice from some friends that all men cheat, and every partner is just managing them and their relationships.
The cheating hurt me, but I overlooked it despite my family’s advice to leave the guy. But I didn’t want to let go because of my age and the four years already spent in the relationship. Then, the second cheating situation, which made me end the relationship, happened. Another babe messaged me to tell me she was his “real” girlfriend and that I was wasting my time. I felt helpless and tired. But it was that relationship that radicalised me. Now, I don’t care how much I love you; I’d be ready to let you go if I catch any whiff of cheating. God forbid bad things again.
My cousin told me that the wasted four years is better than a wasted forever, and that was all I needed to hear. I wish I hadn’t overlooked the cheating the first time, and I let him go asap. Just maybe it’d have been less humiliating than the way the breakup eventually happened.
