The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been married?
It’ll be 10 years in November.
Let’s talk about the beginning. How did you both meet?
We met about three months after I moved to Lagos from Akure in 2013. I was squatting with a friend in his one-room apartment, and Happiness was his neighbour. She came to my friend’s house to charge her phone one day, and I was immediately attracted to her. I kept thinking, “This babe is too fresh.”
After she left, I confirmed that there was nothing between her and my friend, and when he gave the go-ahead, I began pursuing her. It was funny — I didn’t have a job or a house, but I was chasing a woman.
Haha. How did you convince her to “gree for you”?
I had a sweet mouth, or maybe she just liked me. While toasting her, I made it clear that while I didn’t have money, I came to Lagos to hustle and didn’t plan to be broke for long.
Happiness was — and still is — really understanding. My airtime once finished on a call when I was still toasting her. When I told her why the call ended the next day, she just said, “Ehya. No wahala.” I thought she’d be angry.
I wasn’t even looking at a long-term relationship because I wasn’t ready to support a girlfriend or even a family. But Happiness was so considerate and thoughtful. She didn’t bill me and sometimes even cooked food for me and my friend. Me, I was surprised. How would someone I haven’t bought anything for be cooking for me? I didn’t even know when I fell in love, but I knew I was at my last bus stop.
So, when I got a ₦35k/month teaching job a month after we started dating, I started seriously thinking about marriage.
Did you think you were financially ready for a home?
I wasn’t, but I also didn’t want her to go. Happiness is two years older than me, and when we started talking, she told me about the pressure she was under to get married. She was 29, and her two younger sisters were already married. I knew she’d find someone else if I didn’t show my seriousness.
Also, Happiness had a job, so it’s not like we’d rely only on my ₦35k. She was a secretary and earned ₦60k. We figured we’d survive one way or another, so we got married in 2014 and moved into her apartment.
How did you handle wedding expenses?
The wedding was a small affair. We went to the registry and had a small traditional ceremony in my in-laws’ parlour.
Happiness’ parents initially protested. They thought it was an insult for their first daughter to have a small wedding ceremony. But trust my wife. She asked them to pick one: a small wedding or for their child to remain single. Everybody kept quiet.
See now, we didn’t have a big wedding, but we’ve stayed together for 10 years and now have three children. The size of the wedding doesn’t mean anything.
True that. What are both of your finances like these days?
My wife’s brother helped me get a local government job in 2016, and I now earn ₦78k. However, I also get free money — up to ₦15k monthly when a politician shares money at the office or when my office (I work in sanitation) goes on raids at the market.
My wife left her corporate job after we had our third boy in 2022. It was stressful for her to handle the job with the kids. So, she’s a hairdresser now. During the long holidays, she also organises lessons for children in our area.
The woman is really trying. Our boys are a handful, and it’s tough caring for them and trying to do anything else, but she does it. I just want to make plenty money so I can spoil her well, and she can relax at home. But we’re just managing the way we can for now.
But how do you spoil her now? Is there a romance budget?
Ah. Did my wife send you? She always complains that I’m not romantic. She’s not wrong; my own spoiling doesn’t pass buying her ₦3k shawarma once or twice a month. Then I buy her a dress or scarf for her birthday. Sometimes, I send her ₦5k here and there when I get free money from the office.
I think she’ll think I’m more romantic when I start sending her more money. She’s always extra happy when I send her random money. I recently promised her I’d be more romantic, so I’ll try to dash her money more. Having any extra money on a ₦78k salary is difficult, but she deserves it.
That’s sweet. What kind of money conversations do you have with your wife?
We’re always talking about money — how much my children’s school said we should bring for one thing, how much NEPA sent us for the electricity bill, feeding costs, etc. Tinubu has turned most of these conversations into complaining sessions.
For example, my wife will bring one yam tuber and ask me to guess how much it cost. When I guess an amount, she tells me to multiply it by 3 or 5, and we start complaining about how expensive things are.
Things are hard o. I’m sure my wife even adds her own money to what I give her for food because there’s no way the ₦50k I give her monthly for food does anything.
I can relate. Has money ever caused conflict between you two?
I can’t remember. Of course, we argue, but money is hardly a topic. My wife doesn’t complain about whether the money I dropped is enough or not. I told you she’s understanding.
I also don’t hide things from her. A senior colleague at the office always says that women are more demanding when they don’t know how much you have. My wife knows what I have, so she collects it like that. But I still wish to do more for her.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
One day, I hope to transfer to work with the federal government so I can earn more. One of the first things I’ll do is to open a shop for my wife. I’m also considering taking a loan to buy a vehicle I can use as a cab when I’m less busy at work. In a few years, our older boys will be ready for secondary school, and I don’t want them to attend an anyhow school. I really just want a future where we can complain less and enjoy our lives.
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*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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