Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Obinna: We met at a church event in July 2022.
I wasn’t supposed to be there. During a visit to my mum, she practically dragged me to help her out in her small family church. So I was setting up chairs when Emem came in with her family. She was with her sister, and they were joking about something. She had this vibe—confident, but still a bit shy.
Later, I found out she lived near my mum’s shop. We started chatting whenever I passed by the shop every other week or so, and eventually, it turned into longer conversations.
Emem: I was waiting outside his mum’s shop on the day we really talked for the first time. I was bored, scrolling through my phone, and he just showed up. He was talking to our mums about some local council thing—I barely paid attention. But after a while, he started showing up more, and we’d talk casually.
About what?
Emem: At first, I thought he was just being polite, you know, those older guys that are nice but never look your way. But he started asking about me—like what I wanted to do after school, what I was passionate about. He wasn’t pushy either, just…interested.
Obinna: I remember Lagos was in that usual rainy season mess. I’d stop by whenever I was in the area, and we’d talk about the weather and how it’ll affect so many things—traffic, electricity, laundry.
By the end of the year, we were seeing each other more often.
How did you feel about this, Emem?
Emem: I was still 18, entering into my second year at uni. I wasn’t even thinking of him in that way when we started talking. But he wasn’t playing games. By the time I turned 19, it just felt right to be together, even though I knew some people wouldn’t get it.
Tell me how you got together
Obinna: We got into a routine. I started picking her up from school whenever I could. We’d go for lunch or just drive around town. Lagos traffic was a blessing in disguise—the long car rides gave us time to bond without interruptions. And I started inviting her over to my place just to hang out, watch movies or talk. Nothing serious at first, just enjoying each other’s company.
Emem: He’d sometimes drive me and my sister home from school. Eventually, he started picking me up more often, especially on weekends. I wasn’t really going out much before that, but with him, I felt like I could experience more.
We didn’t want people getting the wrong idea, especially early on, so we kept it low-key. But as we got more comfortable, it became more open.
What wrong idea did you think people would get?
Obinna: The obvious one—people would assume I was taking advantage of her because of our age difference. Once people see a younger girl with an older guy, the first thing they think is, “He’s grooming her” or “She’s too young to know what she’s doing.” They don’t take the time to understand that it’s not like that with us.
Emem: My friends, especially. They’re quick to judge things like that, calling it sugar daddy vibes or whatever. But I know what I want. From the beginning, I knew I liked being with him. It’s always easy to label something “wrong” just because of that holier than thou attitude.
Did you have your parents’ approval to go out with him so often?
Emem: Not exactly. I knew they’d have their concerns about me dating an older guy, especially since I was still in school. So I just told them I was hanging out with a “friend,” which was true to some extent.
Obinna: I wasn’t happy she had to sneak around for us to spend quality time together. But then, I know she’s still young. I get why she felt she had to protect what we had, just like me. It’s not like she was lying about her feelings; she genuinely likes spending time with me.
If anything, it made me want to be more supportive and prove that we could make this work, regardless of how others viewed it.
How did you know for sure that you liked each other?
Obinna: I’ve been with women my age, but it always felt like we were competing—like we were both bringing too much baggage. There was something about Emem that clicked on a deeper level; it felt easier. It wasn’t instant, but I liked that she wasn’t jaded yet, if I’m being honest. She was still figuring things out. She wasn’t trying to prove anything.
I knew I liked her when I found myself genuinely looking forward to our conversations, not just the physical stuff. There was a simplicity to being with her that I hadn’t felt in a while.
Emem: I knew because I felt safe with him. I’ve never felt even a dot of bad vibes or like I’m putting myself in danger. Most guys my age just want to play games, and I was tired of that. He didn’t make me feel like I had to impress him or act older than I was. I don’t feel like just some young girl he’s using for fun.
We talk about my plans, my frustrations with school, and he’d give me advice that makes sense. I liked that he wasn’t rushing anything and let me set the pace. That’s how I knew it was real—he respected me.
So you didn’t tell anyone at all about the relationship?
Obinna: Not at first. Even my own friends—guys who have no business judging—would’ve had something to say about it. And I was right.
I didn’t want to deal with unnecessary comments before we even knew where the relationship was heading. Eventually, though, I told one of my cousins, and she was surprisingly cool with it. That gave me the confidence to slowly open up to others.
Emem: I didn’t tell my friends at first. I just said I was talking to someone, but I didn’t give too many details. It was only a few weeks after we became official that I told my best friend. And she asked me, “What could you two possibly have in common?” But when I explained that I felt more comfortable with him than with any guy my age, she kind of backed off.
My family found out later when they noticed I was spending a lot more time with him. I was 20, and I think that’s why my mum, surprisingly, didn’t react badly. She was more concerned about whether I was happy than about the age gap.
Did she know you’d been talking since you were 18?
Emem: No. She still doesn’t.
Okay. So how did the relationship progress after this?
Obinna: Earlier this year, we stopped hiding. But the real turning point came when she got pregnant in May. That changed everything. Suddenly, what was just between us became everyone else’s business. It solidified things for me—I knew I wanted her in my life long-term.
Emem: We got more serious when I occasionally started staying over at his place, helping him with stuff and spending weekends together. By the time I found out I was pregnant, I already felt secure in our relationship, but I was still scared. When I told him, he was calm about it, even more than I expected.
We talked about the future, and he made it clear he wanted to take care of me and the baby. That’s when I knew he wasn’t playing. He wants to marry me now, and honestly, I’m ready for it. People will always talk, but I’m happy with him.
What’s been the reaction to the pregnancy and marriage talks?
Obinna: My parents are still warming up to the idea, and a few relatives have made comments about me “rushing things”. Some even suggested that I was being irresponsible, like I purposely got her pregnant to trap her. But the truth is, I’m not marrying her just because she’s pregnant—I actually love her. Is that so bad? I wish we didn’t always have to prove our relationship is pure.
Emem: My friends freaked out when they found out. I’m four months in now and some of them have stopped talking to me altogether. My mum actually discovered it before me. She was shocked at first, but she’s supportive now. She’s been telling me to focus on building my life with Obinna and ignore the noise.
The most hurtful reactions have been from strangers. People look at me like I’m some naive girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing, but they don’t understand us.
And how are you balancing everything with school?
Emem: It’s no joke. I’m in my third year, so classes have been intense, but Obinna is really supportive. He helps me study and reminds me to take breaks. When I feel overwhelmed, he encourages me to focus on my health first, which I appreciate.
I’m excited about being a mum. That keeps me motivated.
Obinna: She’s currently on break, but when school was in session, you wouldn’t even know she was pregnant. We’d use everything from apps to planners to keep track of her assignments and doctor’s appointments. But we’ve agreed to defer her final year for our peace of mind.
Emem: My elder sister has been really supportive as well. It’s just the two of us, and I’m so happy that we’re still so close.
Neat. So what was your first major fight about?
Obinna: We don’t really fight. The only one I can think of is two months ago when I’d put money together to take her away to celebrate our anniversary. But Emem wanted us to spend it all on the baby—clothes, a crib, stuff like that. I felt like she was getting ahead of herself since she was just over two months gone. We had an argument about it for days.
Emem: I thought we should be preparing for the future, not just focusing on having fun. It was the first time I really questioned if we were on the same page, and I cried and cried. But we talked it out. We ended up going shopping for the cot but still having a nice dinner on our anniversary.
It didn’t feel like a fight, though.
Got it
Obinna: That’s how I know I want to marry her.
In our culture, there’s a lot of stigma attached to having a child out of wedlock, and I don’t want that for Emem or our baby. It’s important to me that we do things the right way, even though everyone’s interpretation of that is different. I believe in being a family, and I want to give our child a sense of stability.
Emem: My mum has been dropping hints about how important it is to her, so that’s in the back of our minds.
So what’s the plan?
Obinna: The plan is to propose soon, ideally before the baby arrives. I want to do it in a way that feels special, not rushed at all. I’ve been looking at rings. I want it to reflect her personality, something unique. Once I propose, we’ll start planning the wedding.
Emem: I’m excited about it. I’m secretly hoping it’ll be a cute proposal I can brag about to my friends! For the wedding, I don’t need anything extravagant, not in this economy. I just want us to have enough to create a home filled with love and support, and marrying him is a big part of that.
Does it still feel like you’re setting the pace, Emem?
Emem: Honestly, yes, it does. I’m excited about becoming a mum and marrying Obinna, and I sometimes feel like I’m the one driving the relationship forward. I’m the one who’s pregnant, and that changes a lot! I’m thinking about our future, how we’ll manage the baby, and making sure we’re both on the same page.
Obinna: I worry she feels overwhelmed with everything, and that’s the last thing I want.
In what way?
Obinna: I just wish she’d relax a little, knowing I’ll support her. It’s a learning curve for both of us, but I believe we’ll find our way as we go.
Emem: I see Obinna stepping up all the time, and it gives me hope that we’re in this together, but I still catch myself thinking about things I want to make sure happen, like expanding my crochet business and creating a loving home for our child.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your Love Life?
Obinna: 8. There are challenges, like dealing with the stresses of an unplanned pregnancy. But overall, I believe in what we have.
Emem: I agree with 8. I know it might sound crazy given our age difference and the baby on the way, but I genuinely feel loved and supported by Obinna. I think once we’re married and start our life as a family, that score might just go up.
Read this next: We Struggled After He Survived a Terrible Accident
