The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been in your relationship?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years.
Gist me about how you both met
We met in a market in December 2017. I was buying some things for the house when my phone battery got low, and I went to charge at a business centre in the market, and there he was — Roy was a friend of the centre’s owner. He asked for my number, I shared it and we started talking. After a few weeks, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I’d just lost my dad — a soldier — around that time and was looking for an apartment that my family could move into. My dad’s death meant that our time living in the barracks would soon end. At the same time, I was a 200-level university student in a different state, so I wasn’t even sure that a long-distance relationship was the best thing at the time.
What changed your mind?
It just happened. Roy and I talked regularly, and when my birthday came around in January 2018, he surprised me with a cake (I was still at home) and paid ₦6k for my hair. We hadn’t started officially dating, and I was surprised someone I’d just met was already doing so much. We started dating some weeks after that.
The long-distance relationship you were running from
Right? It was a struggle at first, especially for a new relationship. There were moments of insecurity when I wanted to know exactly who he was talking to or calling, leading to small arguments. I used to imagine different things whenever I called and he didn’t pick up for whatever reason. Like, what if he was with a girl? But he usually addressed my concerns and made me see how it was all in my imagination.
Also, I wasn’t in a great place financially. The army covered my dad’s funeral expenses and gave my mum ₦5m, but she used the money to sort school fees, accommodation, food and provide for my other siblings. The responsibilities were a lot on her, and I didn’t get a regular allowance in school.
But after I started dating Roy, he pretty much took over my financial needs. That included my ₦25k school fees — which increased to ₦45k in 2020 — and my ₦120k/year off-campus hostel rent. Then, he’d give me money to survive monthly, usually between ₦20k – ₦50k.
In 2020, when schools closed because of COVID, Roy suggested I learn a skill and paid ₦80k for me to attend baking school. He also paid ₦120k for me to take a refresher course the following year after I forgot most of the knowledge due to minimal practice. Roy literally became my sponsor from my 300 level to when I graduated in 2021.
What was Roy’s financial situation?
I honestly don’t know. I know he worked in a bank, but I don’t think his salary or how much he has is any of my concern. He didn’t tell me how much he earned, and I didn’t think it was my place to ask.
Is it safe to assume you didn’t have money conversations?
Oh, we did. In the early days, our money conversations were mostly about how much I needed for one thing or another. But as the years progressed, it became more about him identifying and attending to my needs.
For instance, while I was still in school, I always visited him during any school break, and he always paid the ₦18k – ₦22k bus fare for my transportation to and fro school. I didn’t have to ask. He also paid for any dates we went on when I visited.
We also talk about Roy’s spending habits. He’s quite a reckless spender, and I’m always sounding a note of caution. He can just decide to buy watches and perfumes for both of us or buy me random gifts and defend it with, “If you don’t spend your money in this life, how will you spend it after?” The gifts weren’t one-sided, though. I also got him gifts — mostly Senator materials because he liked them.
But after I graduated and we moved in together in 2021, I’ve mostly limited gift-giving to special occasions like birthdays. The frequency at which Roy gave me money sort of reduced since we lived together, and I only just got my job as a customer service rep at a management firm six months ago, so money wasn’t that regular.
What’s cohabiting like?
You mean, what WAS it like? Roy relocated to the UK for his master’s degree a year ago, so we’re back in a long-distance relationship. But while we were together, it was okay. Of course, we had issues.
Roy had a habit of going out with friends and returning at midnight, and we clashed about that several times. But we always talked through our issues, and besides that, it was mostly smooth sailing.
We had an arrangement: I stayed with Roy during the week and went home to my mum on the weekends. He handled the bills and dropped money for feeding while I cooked. He also cooked sometimes because I didn’t really like chores. When neither of us cooked, we went on dates to restaurants.
How often were these dates?
Two or three times monthly. Roy is an extrovert, and I’m content to stay home as long as there’s light, internet, and food. But when we had to go out, it was usually restaurants, bars, lounges and outdoor games. He always paid for the dates.
I retained our two-bedroom apartment after Roy japa, and he pays the rent, which is ₦700k/year. Honestly, when he told me he was leaving Nigeria, my first reaction was, “Are you going without me? Why can’t we go together?” He’d been hinting about being tired of Nigeria since 2021, but I thought he was joking.
It became real in 2023 when he mentioned that his parents would financially support him. He left with his junior brother.
How has japa affected your relationship dynamic?
It has been really hard, and I sometimes wonder if I want to continue the relationship. It’s just that I’ve come too far to give up. We hardly have time to talk. My job doesn’t let me use my phone while on duty, and I also take on small baking jobs here and there.
In addition to schooling, Roy also works as a care worker. With both of our busy schedules, it takes a lot of determination to talk daily, but we try our best to talk before we sleep. Right now, we’re just trying to survive each day.
Is there a plan to join him soon?
We have to get married before that, and we’ve talked about considering a 2025 wedding. My biological clock is ticking, and I don’t want any more delays. Roy wants me to work for at least a year to save money first, but I don’t think I’ll leave 2025 unmarried.
Have you considered how you’ll both handle the wedding expenses?
Not really, but the cost should be split 70:30. I don’t think the man should shoulder all the expenses, but he should take the bulk, and I can support him.
That’s why I’m not really bothered if Roy wants to postpone the wedding for some more time so I can work a bit longer. I understand the importance of money in a marriage, and I don’t want to be in a position where I can’t support. However, he’ll have to pay for my relocation expenses.
So you both don’t talk about your salaries. Will this approach continue post-wedding?
Actually, he knows how much I earn. He helped me get the job, so he knows my salary. He’s always known my financial status. I just don’t ask him about his because I think it’s private to him.
However, this will change after marriage. When we’re married, I expect his finances will have to be my concern. Plus, we’ve even decided to have a joint account when we’re married. He’ll put in 70% of his income, and I’ll put in 30% of mine. That’s what we’ll use to run our household.
Interesting. How do you budget for romance in a long-distance relationship?
Since I started working, I have saved ₦100k from my salary monthly—I currently have ₦370k in my savings. I use some of it to buy stuff for my boyfriend when needed. Since he left, I’ve only gotten him a ₦120k wristwatch. That was possible because his brother came to Nigeria, and I gave him the watch to deliver.
I’m curious: What’s the most expensive gift you’ve ever gotten for each other?
In 2022, he bought me an iPhone 11 Pro and 18-inch bone-straight hair. Those should be the most expensive gifts so far. Mine is the ₦120k watch.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I just want us to be happy, to have enough money so we don’t have to worry about the little things and can enjoy peace of mind.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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