The miracle of the mobile device means people can stay connected 24/7. For some people, this doesn’t make digital communication with their loved ones any easier; in fact, it has become a factor that negatively affects their interpersonal relationships.
We talk to eight young Nigerians about their bad texting habits and how it has affected the relationships they maintain, asking them, “Are you a bad texter only when you don’t like the person you’re texting?”
Kwansogbu*
Nah. I like my friends very much, but I forget to text back because I’m absent-minded and easily distracted. I’ll see a notification and say, “I’ll respond to it when I’m done with what I’m doing,” but I never do. I often feel like a bad friend when it comes to texting because I really want to stay in touch, but it doesn’t come naturally. Sometimes I open texts from my crush and only realise (by seeing their name) hours later that I didn’t reply.
Kylie*
I’m a bad texter even with people I really love. I’m better at calls, but I literally hate texting. I can’t explain why, but it just stresses me out. I feel like we should control our phones, not the other way around. With texting, I’m expected to respond immediately, and, I just don’t have the capacity for that. It has made my friends think I don’t like them as much because other people they barely know are ready to text them all the time. I enjoy physical interaction more than texts. I’d hang out with my friends every day if I could but sadly, most of them live in different cities now, and some abroad.
Sommelier*
Honestly, I’ve really tried to get better at it. I get bursts of motivation to text, but that never lasts. Most potential partners have to push through my bad response times to get to know me. I’m grateful my friends understand because it would be easy to get mad at me. I’d rather just have a phone call, a quick in-and-out.
Dana*
Sometimes, I think I’ve replied, and I find out later that I didn’t. It’s weird because I wasn’t like this in the past.
It all started 2 years ago. I was going through a lot and was a bit depressed, so I was unwilling to reply to any texts. I went on many social media breaks during this time, and most of my friends ultimately became tired and distant, which I totally understand. I became used to replying to texts when I felt mentally up to it.
My remaining friends have gotten used to it, so they just wait until I reply. On other days, they send messages repeatedly, so I reply to them.
Sometimes, I try to dedicate my day to replying to all my friends, but other days, I feel down and don’t reply on time. I’ve worked really hard to fix my bad texting habits, and I think I’m getting better.
Sunshine*
I’m really a bad texter, and it stems from having a traumatic childhood. I’ve always liked keeping to myself; I grew up being told to be more reserved. Now, I have an avoidant personality, and I fear being too much or saying too much.
This means I’m terrible at communicating with friends or texting. I’m used to going through stuff alone. So anytime I’m at a crossroads in my life, I panic, disappear and stop texting. I know I had a traumatic childhood, and I need to see a therapist because of my avoidance issue, but I’ve been managing it well. One day, I’ll have enough dispensable cash to see a therapist; there is so much to unpack.
Jay*
Omo, at this point, I’m a bad texter to everyone. Once, my estranged best friend tried to reconnect with me, and I aired her for days. There were also other factors involved (my sim got blocked, and I was writing exams). When I finally got back to her to reconnect, she said she was no longer interested. I didn’t even try to convince her because, lowkey, I knew I didn’t have it in me to actually text her frequently. At the time, I felt bad, but now I don’t really care anymore.
Hen*
In general, I find conversations quite overwhelming, especially after a full day of work. I don’t want to return to even more conversations. As such, I’ll put off responding until I feel better, but then I’ll forget to respond.
McGash*
No, I just struggle to connect emotionally to what’s not right in front of me. I think of myself as an “in-person” person. Also, I’ve come to gradually shun social media. This, combined with a myriad of short-term memory issues, means I struggle to maintain my attention in a chat setting and hardly remember why when I do. Liking someone has little to do with it for me.
