Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Bunmi: My first memory of Andrew was during an excruciating weight loss class in 2017. I’d joined because my blood pressure had suddenly spiked, and the doctors suggested doing something about my weight. But there he was, the loudest in the room, cracking jokes while we were all caving under the weight of dumbbells. I remember thinking, “Who is this clown making a spectacle of himself?” But it turned out he was just trying to make the pain a bit more bearable.
Andrew: Yeah, I was definitely trying to distract myself and everyone else from the agony. I’d reluctantly joined the class after a friend, tired of hearing me rant about my weight insecurities, suggested it. Before then, I’d been juggling portion control, intermittent fasting, and a healthy eating plan, but the progress was barely noticeable. I saw some video testimonials and thought, “Why not?” Plus, it was affordable.
Anyway, Bunmi’s bombastic side-eye that day was unmissable. It was like she was silently telling me, “Please, can you shut up and let us suffer in peace?”
What happened after that moment? When did you start warming up to him?
Bunmi: It took a few sessions. I remember him coming up to me after one particularly rough day to ask if I was okay. That’s how we started chatting about how much we hated burpees and how sore we were most of the time. The shared struggle brought us together.
One evening, about six weeks after the bombastic side-eye incident, Andrew invited me to his place and cooked me this healthy version of jollof rice. It was then that I thought, “Wow, I really like this guy.”
The jollof was that good?
Bunmi: It was, to be honest. But it wasn’t just about the taste of the meal, I could tell that he really wanted me to enjoy the whole experience — the way he plated the food, his choice of drink and he also packed a separate plate for me to take home. I didn’t need anyone to tell me at that moment that cooking is one of his ways of expressing love.
I see
Andrew: Before all of this, we bonded over our mutual dislike for the gym, honestly. We’d motivate each other in the most ridiculous ways. Like, “If you finish this workout, I’ll treat you to a smoothie” or a plate of healthy jollof like she mentioned.
It took a while for both of us to acknowledge our feelings because we were both scared. Dating someone who shared the same struggles felt risky. I worried we’d drag each other down, but the more time we spent together, the more convinced I was that we were lifting each other up instead.
Why did you have doubts about dating a plus-sized person, Bunmi?
Bunmi: I worried about us enabling each other’s unhealthy habits. And since people can be so judgemental, I also worried about being tagged as “the fat couple.” It wasn’t just about my comfort—it was about the external pressures, too.
I kept thinking, “What if we never lose the weight?” This fear stayed with me even after we became official in 2018.
Andrew: Our shared determination changed everything. We didn’t want to stay stuck. I mean, that’s why we were both in a weight loss programme. It wasn’t like anyone forced the other to be there, it was a decision we made of our own accord. So, the way I saw it, we motivated each other to keep going, and that gave me confidence in the possibility of us as a couple.
Sweet. How did your families feel about you two getting together?
Bunmi: Oh, there were mixed reactions. My mum was supportive but worried. She said things like, “Are you sure this is the best for you both? Two overweight people together?” It was tough to hear that because I knew she meant well, but it also hurt.
Andrew: My family was mostly supportive, but there were a few snide comments from them as well. Things like, “Maybe being together will help you lose weight faster.” It was like our relationship was only valid if it helped us become slimmer. But we learned to ignore the noise. We’d laugh off the backhanded comments sometimes, and at other times we simply didn’t acknowledge them.
I’m curious. Did those comments ever make you doubt being together?
Bunmi: Sometimes, yes. But by the time we got engaged in 2019, we’d lost a decent amount of weight together—about 37kg each. I had dropped from 160kg, and he from 170kg. We felt healthier and more in control, and that gave us the confidence to move forward. We knew what we wanted.
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Hold on a sec. Could you walk me through how you crossed the line from relationship to marriage?
Andrew: It was a gradual process. By 2018, we’d been together for over a year and had helped each other through some tough times. We were both committed to our weight loss journey and growing together. We’d become each other’s accountability partner, and I realised I didn’t want to do life without her.
Bunmi: But it wasn’t as simple as “I love you, let’s get married”; we had to talk about our fears and worries. Would we be healthy enough for each other? My blood pressure was unstable and I was dealing with a couple of other illnesses from being overweight. Would society accept us as a couple?
Hmmm
Andrew: I remember asking one of my closest friends if I was crazy for wanting to marry Bunmi, given all the pressures we already faced. He told me, “You’re crazy if you don’t marry her. You guys make each other better.” That stuck with me.
Bunmi: I also spoke with friends, my siblings, and even my mum. One night, after another long conversation with one of my closest friends, I just knew. It wasn’t about perfection; it was about knowing we could build a good life together, even with our flaws and all.
Andrew: It wasn’t some grand, perfect decision. It was messy and full of second-guessing, but we went for it and got married in 2019 — about five months after we got engaged.
What was your wedding like?
Bunmi: Our wedding day was perfect, but a few moments leading up to it tested us. Shopping for outfits was a nightmare. I remember a tailor suggesting I wear something to “hide my belly.” We had to remind ourselves that this day was about celebrating our love, not our weight.
Andrew: The stares were also unavoidable. But we didn’t let it get to us. We knew we were marrying for the right reasons, not to fit into anyone’s idea of what a couple should look like.
I’m sorry. What about the early days? Did marriage change things, especially your weight loss journey?
Bunmi: They were some of my best moments in our union. We were so motivated, not just by our feelings but by the idea that we were a team. We’d meal prep together, find new workout routines, and celebrate even the smallest victories. There was constant encouragement. If one of us wanted to give up, the other was there to push back.
Andrew: We built a bubble of support around ourselves. We weren’t just focused on weight loss, but also on building each other’s confidence. But it wasn’t without its struggles.
Please, tell me more
Bunmi: COVID hit. We both fell off our routine and gained back some of the weight we’d lost. By the time the world started reopening, we’d regained at least 10 kg each. Then I got pregnant in 2021, and my weight shot up even more.
Andrew: I managed to lose 20kg post-pandemic. I’m now much trimmer, but it’s been a dicey mix because Bunmi’s journey took a different turn. The weight gain from her pregnancy never really went away, and it’s been hard on both of us.
Bunmi, could you please talk about that?
Bunmi: Getting pregnant was beautiful, but it was also terrifying. I knew the weight gain was inevitable, but experiencing it still was a nightmare. Meanwhile, Andrew started losing weight again. It felt like he was leaving me behind, and that made me resentful. Sometimes, I’d look at him and think, “Why do you get to feel good about yourself while I’m stuck in a body I don’t recognise?” It’s an ugly feeling to acknowledge, but it’s the truth.
Andrew: I noticed the shift. There are moments where I feel her pulling away, especially when people compliment my weight loss and say nothing—or something cruel—to her.
What sort of things?
Bunmi: Things like, “Wow, Andrew, you look amazing!” and then glance at me with pity or judgement. Some are even rude enough to comment on how “I’ve put on.” It makes me dread going out with him.
Andrew: It’s painful to watch. I know I’ve made progress, but I hate that it makes Bunmi feel left behind. I try to reassure her, but I know it’s a struggle she has to work through herself too.
How do you cope with this, Bunmi? Does it ever boil over into your interactions?
Bunmi: Yes, more often than I’d like to admit. I hate feeling this way, but it’s hard. I avoid going out with him sometimes because I don’t want to feel like his “less attractive” wife. And even though I’ve started a new weight loss programme, the pressure is still there. It’s like I’m constantly being measured against him.
Andrew: It’s difficult, but we try to talk about it. I want to support her, but I also can’t pretend that the comments and comparisons don’t exist. It’s something we’re working through, one day at a time.
Can you share how?
Andrew: I’m learning to stand up for her when people comment on her weight. I used to avoid confrontations and reassure her later, but she told me speaking up in the moment would mean more for her confidence.
Bunmi: I try to remind myself that he’s on my side, even though his weight loss journey seems easier. I’ve seen his struggles—bad gym days, turning down wrong-sized gifts from friends, and skipping beach hangouts. Remembering these struggles helps me stay compassionate and let go of resentment.
I can imagine. So, has this affected your conversations about having more kids?
Bunmi: Oh, absolutely. The thought of getting pregnant again and what it would do to my body terrifies me. My experience after having our first child has made me hesitant. I love our baby, but the physical and emotional toll is something I’m not eager to relive anytime soon.
Andrew: I get where she’s coming from, but it’s complicated for me too.
Complicated?
Andrew: I’d love to have another child. I grew up in a big family, and I always pictured us with more kids. But I also see the toll it’s taken on Bunmi, and I don’t want to push her into something she’s not ready for.
Bunmi: I feel guilty because I know how much having a bigger family means to him. But I also feel like he doesn’t fully understand the fear I live with. Pregnancy wasn’t just physically tasking; it was emotionally draining. The pressure to “bounce back” never stops.
Andrew: It’s true. I often get frustrated because I don’t want to feel like our family plans are stalled. But then I remind myself that her health—physical and emotional—comes first. Still, it’s hard to reconcile my desire for more kids with the risk of what it could cost her.
Between Andrew’s continued weight loss and the conversation about having more kids, what has caused the most strain on your marriage, and how are you navigating it?
Bunmi: Honestly? Andrew’s weight loss is a constant reminder of my own struggles. He’s out here getting compliments and feeling more confident, while I’m battling the weight I gained from pregnancy. It feels unfair, and that resentment seeps into everything, including our talks about more kids.
Andrew: It’s a huge strain. I’ve worked hard to lose weight, but it’s difficult when my progress makes her feel worse.We’re both trying, but it’s not easy. I know I’ve occasionally pushed too hard about having another kid, and Bunmi has had to remind me that her health has to come first. Then there are days when I feel helpless, like our goals are forever out of sync.
Bunmi: We’ve started seeing a therapist to help us communicate better, but the strain is real. On many occasions, it feels like we’re stuck in this endless loop of wanting to support each other but feeling misunderstood.
That’s understandable. What’s the best thing about being together despite these ups and downs?
Andrew: It’s the partnership and the history we share. Bunmi is my confidante, and even when things are tough, I can’t imagine going through life with anyone else. We’ve been through so much, and that bond means everything to me.
Bunmi: For me, it’s knowing that no matter how much we struggle, we’re still each other’s home. Andrew is my biggest supporter, even when I’m hard to love. It’s not perfect, but it’s real. On days when I get into long, moody episodes, he goes above and beyond to make me smile. I hate to admit it, but his efforts work—one comment from him, and I’m laughing, and all feels right with the world again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life right now?
Bunmi: Maybe a 6. We’re still in the trenches. Yet we’re trying. There’s love, but there’s also a lot we need to work on.
Andrew: I’d say a 7. We aren’t at the best place right now, but we’re committed to finding our way back to each other. That commitment is worth a lot.
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