The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
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Mariam, the subject of this week’s Abroad Life, knew comfort, financial safety and annual vacations in Nigeria but when she moved to the UK, life forced her to live in the worst condition she’d ever known. She talks about sharing a one-bedroom apartment with seven other people and struggling to continue her education in the UK.
Where do you live, and when did you leave Nigeria?
So I am based in the UK, and I left Nigeria two years ago.
When did leaving the country become an option for you?
It just happened. My parents decided that it was time to move. I was in my first year of university when they started making preparations, and they wanted us to leave as soon as possible because of me.
Oh, why?
They didn’t want me to continue my education in Nigeria. I was still a fresher, about to write my first semester exams, when they started making relocation plans; I was coming back from night class one day, and my mom called me, telling me that they’d booked my flight.
That’s interesting. How has life been since you moved?
It started out really rough. When we moved here, we expected jobs and accommodation because of the route my parents came in with, but none of that happened. Thankfully, we had family members that we could stay with.
We were a family of five staying with a family of three in a one-bedroom apartment. That was how stranded we were. That situation made me realise that moving abroad isn’t the flex people make it out to be. My parents had friends who had gone through the same route; those friends were offered rosy promises but suffered the same disappointing experience we did , and they didn’t tell anybody in Nigeria. They actually went through worse than we did because they didn’t have family members in the UK. They had to sleep in airports, but they didn’t tell us that was what they encountered coming here because they didn’t want people to know that they were suffering abroad, so they just suffered in silence and waited for the people who were coming to experience it themselves.
What was it like living in that kind of condition?
It was easy at first. Most people try to be nice to visitors when they arrive, but we still had some misunderstandings.
There were times when my siblings and I would have to go hungry because we didn’t want to bother the family we were living with. My parents were always out looking for jobs, but we still couldn’t afford even snacks.
It was almost like we left a good life in Lagos to come and live in the worst conditions in the UK. I think we all regretted moving at that time. We still had people back home who had high expectations because we were abroad but the good thing is that if you’re suffering abroad, it’s not easy to tell because the system is kind of supportive. People can’t even tell that you’re suffering because you still look good in pictures.
Can you tell me more about what life looked like in Nigeria?
We were a middle-class family, and we were really comfortable. Our parents could provide for us, and we didn’t have to struggle compared to when we initially moved to the UK. We could afford whatever we wanted. We could even go on vacation abroad.
Do you know why your parents made the decision to leave Nigeria?
They didn’t really have reasons because they travelled a lot. They’ve been in and out of the country for recreation and holidays. I think my mom was the main driver behind that decision. She made the decision out of fear for the future of her kids. I’m her first child, so she had already planned my life for as long as possible.
My dad worked in a multinational company in Nigeria so he had friends whose children graduated and started struggling to get good jobs. Even the ones that were relying on their parent’s connection to get good jobs still struggled. All my mom wanted to do was make sure I didn’t end up in that situation.
How is life now compared to when you first moved?
It has improved significantly. Things eventually fall in place when you have God by your side. We have our apartment now.
We moved into the apartment at midnight, and I can still remember how we carried our boxes on our heads. We had to sleep on our clothes the first few weeks because it was an unfurnished apartment. It was a tough situation to adjust to.
Back in Nigeria, my parents were landlords, so it was a humbling experience watching them build their lives from scratch. It made me realise that things can change in a split second. Our quality of life has improved so much now. I literally quit my job last month because I can’t be bothered. That’s how comfortable we are now.
Are you back in school now?
My siblings were able to start their education in the UK easily, but, I couldn’t.
I was told that I had the option of going back to write my General Certificate of Secondary Education (GCSE) or write the Confirmation of Acceptance for Studies (CAS) exam because they didn’t recognise my secondary school leaving results.
If I had gone back to write GCSE, I would have been in the same class as my younger sibling. This was hard for me to process, not only because I would have been in the same class as my younger sibling, but I would also have had to go back to where I was academically about three years ago.
Thankfully, I met someone who helped me get through that situation. Apparently, the school I was applying to didn’t recognise the results, but there were many other schools that had similar cases with immigrants. If I didn’t reach out to this man, God knows where I’d be academically. I later got into college after waiting for a year; I’m currently in my second year of college, and it’s been an amazing experience. I got a scholarship, I’ve made new friends, and I’ve been helping immigrants who are in the same academic situation
Would you say you now prefer life in the UK to your life in Nigeria?
I definitely prefer the systems and structures the UK has set up compared to Nigerian systems. I really love the UK education system because when you work, you see the results of what you do. Quality of life is also better here, but life here comes with some cons–you can get all the opportunities you want and still not be happy with yourself, whereas in Nigeria, you can be yourself, and people will accept you.
Moving here, I didn’t know the different layers of identity I’d have to pick up. I got here and realised that I was a black Muslim woman. You also have to be able to identify when people are being racist towards you. I’ve had some experiences I would rather not revisit.
So, in essence, the UK offers loads of opportunities, but Nigeria offers peace of mind, happiness, and connection with your family. My long-term goal is to build my life here and move back to Nigeria. That’s how bad it is.
On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you living abroad?
I’m grateful. That’s all I can say.
This episode was brought to you by LemFi.
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