The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
I’ve been with my primary partner for eight months, but I just started seeing my secondary partner last month. It’s not serious sha.
Hollup
Haha. Me and my primary partner, Ola*, are in an open relationship. It’s actually my first open relationship. Before Ola, I struggled with relationships and commitment because I easily get attracted to people, and monogamy felt like a trap. Like I had to force myself to stick to one person while pretending I didn’t find other women attractive. It didn’t sit right with me.
So, when I realised Ola felt the same way, I knew I’d found my person.
How did you meet Ola?
We met on a mutual friend’s WhatsApp group. It was a group for bants, and Ola was the babe who was constantly dropping an opinion.
One day, she was arguing with someone else about feminism. I DM’ed her to say I agreed with her, but I thought she should tone it down because she was starting to do too much. She immediately cleared me and told me never to enter her DM to say rubbish again.
I’m screaming
I apologised, and we made up. We started talking often, and within a few weeks, we were in a talking stage. That’s how I knew her position on relationships. She’s polyamorous and doesn’t believe in monogamous relationships.
We transitioned from the talking stage to a proper relationship after we met each other for the first time, about two months into the talking stage. We wanted to make sure we were sexually compatible before committing to a relationship.
So, how does your relationship work?
Ola and I laid down the ground rules when we became official. We’d tell each other before getting involved with anyone else and not try to hide any parts of the relationship with that person because that would make it cheating.
Ola is also very against threesomes, so she doesn’t want to meet any woman I’m sleeping with. That’s not a problem for me because most of my other partners have just been hookups that last for a few weeks at most.
Sometimes, I tell these hookups about my girlfriend. Other times, I don’t because some ladies find it difficult to agree that my girlfriend is okay with me being with someone else. The lady I’m currently with, Amy* knows about Ola. Amy also has a boyfriend, so it’s more like a friends-with-benefits situation.
How do finances work in your relationship?
To be honest, an open relationship is expensive. I like treating my women to a good time, so whenever I’m with someone, I pull out all the stops to make sure they’re comfortable. I can’t take a woman out on a date and expect her to pay.
The typical expenses are restaurant dates and cab fees, which can run into ₦80k. I share my apartment with a friend, so sometimes I also pay for hotels to avoid inconveniencing my friend. That’s usually between ₦25k – ₦30k.
Ola is in university, so we aren’t always in the same city. Whenever she’s around —thrice since we became official— we go on dates, explore Ibadan, or even visit Lagos. Ola loves the outdoors. The last time she came around, we travelled to visit Lekki Conservation Centre.
The two-day trip plus accommodation cost close to ₦100k, and Ola paid around ₦40k of that amount. That’s another thing about Ola — I like spending on her and don’t expect her to pay for anything, but before I blink, aunty has opened wallet and brought out her card. She doesn’t mind paying for shared dates, but I always try to beat her to it.
What’s Ola’s financial situation like?
She’s a student and works as a social media manager. I’m not exactly sure how much she earns, but I know she also gets an allowance from her parents. I suspect she’s much richer than I am. She’s always telling me how I need to be more financially disciplined and save more so my savings can save me one day.
I’m the more impulsive spender between the two of us, and she’s made it a personal mission to change me.
Have your spending habits ever caused conflicts between you two?
Oh yes. Since Ola knows about my other relationships, she also has an idea of how much I spend on them, and she often gets upset. She feels I’m just throwing money away, which has led to a few arguments.
I tell Ola that her objections make it difficult for me to share details of my other relationships because I don’t want to receive a financial lecture, and she feels I’m just making excuses.
I also sometimes struggle to get her gifts because she complains about how much I spend. During her birthday in August, I got her a wig from an Instagram vendor and thought I was the best boyfriend in the world. But Ola complained that the wig was too expensive for ₦108k. She said she knew where to get it cheaper. In my head, I was thinking, “Just collect this thing and keep quiet.”
So yeah, there are the random communication gaps and arguments here and there, but we work through them. No relationship is perfect.
Do you have a financial safety net, though?
I try to save at least ₦40k monthly for my emergency savings. I also sometimes get freelance gigs. When they come, I direct my earnings to my savings account. Sometimes, I spend out of that account, but I try to be reasonable about it.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
We’re still in the very early stages of our relationship, so I’m not thinking that far yet. But for me personally, I hope to earn enough to afford japa in the next five years.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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