Tell me about your friendship with Rumi.
We met in secondary school and became really close friends in SS1. We bonded over books, walked home together, and shared many typical secondary school experiences. Even though we went to different universities, we stayed friends and kept in touch.
Was there ever a strain on your relationship with her?
We had the usual fights friends often have. However, there was a recurring pattern where she would use tears to manipulate me and make me feel guilty, as she was the more emotional one in our friendship. I usually accommodated her emotions, so we didn’t have any real strain on our friendship at the time.
So what happened this time?
For context, I attended a public university, while she went to a private one. Sometimes, when my sessions were still on due to delays caused by strikes, she would be on holiday and at home in our city. When I was in 300 level, she visited me at my school during one of her breaks. I really wanted her to meet my crush, Danladi, a guy I met in my faculty.
Danladi was tall, charming and handsome. We met accidentally at the student hub, and he walked me back to my hostel. The conversations were fun, that we exchanged numbers. For three or four months, we walked back to our hostels together every day. We grew very close and became vulnerable with each other. I even visited his house, and we made out a few times. We hadn’t officially started dating. We were serious about each other and considering a relationship.
I introduced him to a few close friends, including Rumi, and that’s when the wahala started.
Tell me about it.
As soon as Rumi met Danladi, they hit it off. I like it when my friends like my man and vice versa, so I didn’t mind at all. After she left, I noticed a switch in Danladi. He became distant, distracted and impatient, but I chalked it up to a long day. For weeks after that, it became difficult to get a hold of him. He was either busy or unavailable. Meanwhile, Rumi told me how often they talked and shared that they had exchanged numbers behind my back. They were getting really close.
At first, I didn’t think much of it because Rumi was dating someone at the time. But it became obvious that Danladi was interested in her. Instead of rebuffing him, she seemed to love the attention and kept indulging him. I later found out she had visited his house. I was so upset.
I’m so sorry about that. Did you ever confront them about it?
Yes o, but I didn’t expect the response I got. Rumi said she couldn’t let go of her friendship with Danladi just because I was insecure. She didn’t care how their sneakiness affected me; she just liked being around him. Danladi, on the other hand, was very straight up. He admitted he preferred her to me and planned to pursue her instead. I took a big step back and moved on with my life. I just couldn’t accept that kind of treatment from someone I called my friend or someone I wanted to start a relationship with.
Wow, that’s wild, did they ever reach out to you after you drew back?
Oh, yeah! A few months later, I got so ill that I was admitted to the hospital for two or three months. While I was in the hospital, Danladi visited me ,and he tried to rekindle what we had. It seemed things didn’t work out with Rumi. I was ill, but I felt a fresh wave of disgust. He thought he could come back to me after trying to get with my friend—yucky behaviour.
When I got out of the hospital, I shared my experience with a friend. I got to know that it’s kind of his MO, and there were so many girls who had the same experience with him. He’d get close to a girl, pick up feelings for someone else and repeat the cycle. I was upset but grateful to God that He got me out of that ridiculous situation.
What about Rumi?
I cut her off completely after what happened. Two years later, we reconnected. She called to apologise for the whole situation with Danladi. While I didn’t find her explanation satisfactory, I was willing to put everything behind us. Our friendship was never the same. We argued more often, and the closeness we once shared became strained. Still, we’ve managed to remain friends.
