Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Desmond: Meeting her at a mini store near her hostel in December 2022. I was hungry, but the store close to my hostel had closed, so I went to one near hers. As I was about to leave, she showed up with a friend. The store reeked due to chickens the owners kept. She and her friend stood outside, arguing about who should go in because they couldn’t stand the smell. I walked up to them and asked what they needed. When they said airtime, I offered to recharge their number through my bank app and collect cash for the transaction.
Deola: He’s right. The stench was so bad I couldn’t enter the store.
When he came over to help, I couldn’t stop myself from taking a mental picture of his face. Later, when I got to my hostel and replayed the events of the night, I thought, “Fine boy wan send me airtime.”
I considered asking for his number that night, but I chickened out. Still, I kept praying I’d see him again—and I did a few days later.
How did you feel when he asked you to pay for the airtime, Deola?
Deola: I didn’t expect him to charge me, so it made me feel a little off. I assumed he was going to ask for my number, and I also thought he’d give the airtime for free.
Desmond: I considered giving it for free, but I fought the urge.
Why?
Desmond: I didn’t have enough for myself.
Right. So, what happened next?
Deola: We ran into each other on December 5. My friend asked me to come with her to meet a male friend at the school field. I got to the field, and there he was with the person my friend came to see. He was completely engrossed in a mobile game, so I sat beside him and did nothing until he noticed me and we started talking.
Desmond: I was playing FIFA. Then I realised I’d said a short prayer to God, asking him to bring us together again in the same week if she’s the one for me. After my realisation, I dropped my phone and made a conscious effort to start a conversation.
Shortly after, she mentioned that she was hungry, adding that a guy who’d promised her and her friend dinner bailed on them. I offered to buy her the food, but she refused. But she agreed to take a walk with me. On that walk she refused another offer for dinner. We spent most of the time talking and exchanged numbers after.
Why did you decline his offer to buy you dinner?
Deola: It didn’t sit well with me. I thought it much to ask of someone I barely knew.
I see. So what did you guys talk about?
Deola: I can’t recall right now. But all of that talking also led to holding hands that day.
Desmond: We didn’t get to talk about our personal and shared interests, but we talked a lot about our family and struggles as firstborn kids.
Right. How did things progress after you exchanged numbers?
Deola: We kept close contact with each other, constantly texting and spending time together on campus.
Desmond: I confessed my feelings the same night we exchanged numbers, but she didn’t buy it. She argued we just met, but I also insisted that I was sincere with my feelings. Then, she texted saying the only way she’d take my words for it was if I confessed my feelings to her in person.
Deola: On December 7th, while I was mourning my dad on his 17th death anniversary, Desmond asked me out. It was a quick proposal, and while I didn’t feel the same way, I accepted.
Why did you accept?
Deola: I liked him and wanted to give him a chance to change the way I felt.
Desmond, why the rush? Did you know she was in mourning?
Desmond: Yes, I was aware of that. But I asked her out as quickly as I could because I feared things would fizzle out, and it would end as another fruitless talking stage. I was already losing interest in knowing new people, but Deola was a breath of fresh air.
Our conversations were deep and meaningful, and I realised we were aligned in many ways, especially about our future. I’ve always been focused on financial success, and she didn’t shy away from such discussions. Whenever I brought up ideas about money and how to make it, she was genuinely interested, wanting to know my plans and encouraging me to pursue them. In fact, I can proudly say she’s one of the biggest reasons I got involved in the forex market.
Seeing that you skipped the friendship phase, what were the early days of the relationship like?
Deola: We were in perfect sync, both financially and emotionally. The first three months were smooth, and we mostly focused on improving ourselves and working towards financial stability.
Desmond: Those were some of our best days. We didn’t have a single fight during those months.
We shared the same ambition for our respective families. Growing up, I didn’t always get what I wanted because of financial constraints, and Deola had it tougher, dealing with emotional and physical hardship from her mum.
We both want a better life for our families, so we spent the early months mapping out strategies to climb to the top of the financial ladder.
Beyond that, we took the time to truly get to know each other. We went out often, and everyone around us noticed how much we cared for each other. Our relationship became the talk of the school, and my guys couldn’t stop telling me how lucky I was to have her. A few even joked about wishing she was theirs.
I’m curious. Why do you both feel that level of responsibility to your families?
Desmond: We’re both the first child of our families, hence the responsibility. Also, we feel we owe them a lot for the life they’ve given us even with their limited resources.
Deola: Beyond our families, we have a shared goal of becoming the wealthy aunt and uncle, and the wealthy parents. We want our kids to have everything and not let them experience the lack we did. It was our goal as individuals and as a couple.
Do you remember your first major fight?
Deola: Yes. It started when I cheated.
Please, tell me more
Deola: I went to a male friend’s place to charge my phone. One thing led to another, and we got intimate. Initially, I wanted to keep it to myself and stay away from him, but he wouldn’t let it go. He kept pestering me for more; almost like he couldn’t get what happened out of his head. It became too much to handle, and I came clean and explained to Desmond.
For weeks, he brought it up constantly, and it was clear he was deeply hurt. The issue kept resurfacing, and the toll on our relationship made me determined to make better decisions moving forward.
Desmond: She met the guy while taking a course in his department. I remember her telling me about him, saying she wanted to keep him as a friend. I wasn’t comfortable with it and warned her that he likely had other hidden intentions. I even asked her not to visit him and to cut off the vibes, but she didn’t agree. She argued our relationship didn’t mean she couldn’t have male friends.
I didn’t mind her having male friends, but I suspected this guy wasn’t coming from a purely platonic place because he was overly friendly. And after all my warnings, she eventually confessed what had happened.
How did you feel, Desmond?
Desmond: I was deeply hurt and annoyed. But I decided to give her another chance. I told her I wasn’t going to break up with her, but I made it clear that I considered her actions a rookie mistake and wouldn’t forgive her if it ever happened again.
What do you mean by “rookie mistake”?
Desmond: I believed she’d never been in a real relationship where the love is completely pure and genuine. She was a beginner experiencing true love for the first time, and she didn’t fully appreciate that.
I see. How did you guys move past this?
Desmond: I asked her to cut ties with the guy completely. But later, she told me they started talking again, and the guy tried to cross the line once more.
Deola: I knew asking the guy to stay away from me wasn’t going to work. So, I asked Desmond to tell him off.
Desmond: I spoke to him and made it clear he needed to back off. That was the end of it, and we’ve moved on since then.
Did this break the trust in your relationship?
Deola: Definitely. We lost the trust for a while, and it took a while to regain it.
Desmond: My trust in her dropped completely, but like she said, we were able to build it again within months.
How?
Desmond: We had to come up with ground rules. She couldn’t visit male friends or accept gifts from them.
Deola: I wasn’t allowed to take other guys’ numbers or form close connections with male friends. But I also held myself accountable by telling him everything and making him my best friend. In time, we were able to regain each other’s trust.
Fair enough. What would you say is the best thing about being with each other?
Desmond: We have each other’s back. She’s always down to support me. I was broke most of last year and expected her to leave, but she stayed. That said, there have been times when she almost left. I feel insecure when it comes to her, and I can be a very different person when my insecurity gets the best of me.
Deola: The best thing about being with Desmond is how we’re able to help and better each other. Since we started dating, he’s helped me become a better version of myself. I have my current job thanks to his words of encouragement and just pushing me to chase opportunities.
How do you act when you’re feeling insecure, Desmond?
Desmond: I’ll pick up unnecessary fights and say infuriating things, especially if I think there’s another guy in the picture. I’ll turn from lovable to a complete irritant. I say really hurtful things.
However, I’m currently working on this version of myself.
Right. How do you handle this version of him, Deola?
Deola: I try to meet him halfway and calm him down. But as he said, he’s a work in progress, and we’re finding better ways to resolve our issues. Better communication and understanding each other’s triggers are critical parts of that.
Do you think your relationship has changed you in any way?
Deola: He’s helped me become emotionally strong. Once upon a time, I couldn’t speak up for myself and he taught me how to do that.
Financially, I began to do things for myself. I’m a successful writer now only because he kept pushing me to do what I love. He’d take care of me when I break down from the workload and still motivate me to do more. He’s just the best man I could ever ask for.
Desmond: If I hadn’t met her, I wouldn’t have had the zeal to take trading forex seriously. She continues to push me to be better, and this also includes my spiritual life. I’m not an atheist, but I wasn’t interested the Church either. Deola changed that; she brought me closer to God.
Curious. How do you handle finances in your relationship?
Desmond: Right now, Deola is the only one making money through her writing. And the way we operate is: her money is our money, my money is our money.
Deola: Even if he has more, I’d still add mine into it. What we’re doing now in our dating phase is exactly what we’d do when we get married. We spend the money together.
Neat. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?
Deola: It’s a 10. Desmond is everything I dreamed of as a young girl. He’s my best friend and he supports and fulfills me emotionally. I tend to rant a lot, but he listens and offers the best solutions. Even though we aren’t there yet financially, he’s enough and that’s just it.
Desmond: It’s a 10 for me too. Before Deola, I’ve never experienced true love from another woman besides my mother. Deola takes care of me, calms my soul…she’s legit my dream woman. Being with her has instilled cherished values in me and I’m proud to call her my woman.
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