For many couples, sharing a bed is the ultimate symbol of intimacy and closeness in marriage. But let’s face it: reality often has other plans. Whether it’s snoring that rivals a generator set or midnight prayer sessions that make it hard to close your eyes, sleeping in the same room doesn’t always work out.
We spoke to six married Nigerians who’ve ditched the tradition of shared beds for separate rooms, and they share what led to the change, how it’s affected their relationships, and why sleeping apart isn’t always as unconventional as it seems.
Zainab*, 34
When I first noticed my husband’s snoring, I thought it was hilarious. I even recorded him several times and teased him about how loud he was. But by the time I got pregnant, the snoring wasn’t funny anymore. I was struggling with back pain, nausea, and the general stress of pregnancy, and the lack of sleep made everything worse. I tried earplugs and even moved to the couch a few times, but it wasn’t sustainable.
Eventually, we agreed I’d sleep in the guest room until the baby was born, and honestly, I haven’t moved back since. It’s affected our intimacy—we don’t cuddle at night or wake up together anymore—but my sleep is much better. My husband has been supportive, though. He’s working on making lifestyle changes to address his sleep apnea, so maybe one day, we’ll share a bed again.
Seun*, 33
My wife has always been a light sleeper, and I have the terrible habit of waking up in the middle of the night to raid the fridge or scroll through my phone. Sharing a bed meant she was constantly waking up whenever I got up, which led to many arguments. Even when I think I’ve been as quiet as humanly possible, she’d still stir in her sleep or hit the bed with her hands to caution me.
Eventually, we decided to try sleeping in separate rooms for a week, and it worked wonders. She sleeps better now, and I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells at night. It’s not a perfect solution because we’ve had to get creative to maintain intimacy, but it works for us.
Amaka*, 29
My husband is very prayerful, and while I admire his dedication, his midnight prayer sessions are exhausting. He wakes up at 3 a.m. to pray and is not exactly quiet about it. He mumbles, hums, and sometimes even sings softly, which makes it impossible for me to sleep.
At first, I thought I could power through it or maybe adjust to his schedule, but it didn’t work. I started moving to the spare room on nights when I needed sleep, and eventually, I just stayed there. Sometimes, I think he’s intentionally doing it to guilt-trip me into joining him, but I don’t even feel bad anymore.
That said, I do miss cuddling with him. Every now and then, I find myself back in bed with him because I miss the intimacy. But the second he starts praying at 3 a.m., I pack my pillow and go straight to the spare room.
Adaora*, 31
We didn’t start out sleeping in separate rooms. In fact, we were one of those couples who loved cuddling and falling asleep in each other’s arms. But whenever we had issues, we’d avoid each other by sleeping in different rooms. At first, it was just a way to cool off and avoid escalating the fight.
Over time, though, it became a habit. Even after we resolved our issues, we’d just stay in our separate spaces because we’d gotten used to it. Now, it’s our default arrangement. We know it’s not ideal—it makes it harder to resolve issues since we’re not sharing a bed—but we don’t see another way. It feels like we’ve reached a point where we enjoy the solitude too much to change things.
Kunle*, 35
We live in a mini-flat, and when our first child was born two years ago, I had to vacate the room to give my wife space to manage the baby. I started sleeping on the couch in the living room, and while it was tough at first, I eventually got used to it. Now, the baby is older, but I still haven’t moved back into the room.
At this point, I’ve come to enjoy the solitude. I get to watch TV late, stay up scrolling my phone without disturbing anyone, and just have my own space. We’re planning to move into a two-bedroom apartment soon, but I don’t think I’ll be sharing a room with my wife again.
Aramide*, 29
I’ve had insomnia for as long as I can remember. I toss and turn all night, and even the tiniest sound can keep me awake for hours. My husband, on the other hand, sleeps like a log. He falls asleep in minutes and can sleep through anything.
At first, I tried to adjust to his schedule, but it just wasn’t working. He’d snore softly, and I’d stare at the ceiling for hours, too annoyed to fall asleep. I started sleeping in the guest room just to see if it would help, and it was a game changer. We still spend time together before bed, but when it’s time to sleep, I need my own space.
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