Tomi* had never fallen in love before he met his best friend, Derin, online. Struggling to understand his new emotions, he created some distance between them, only to discover she once felt the same way. Now, he hopes her current relationship ends so he can find the courage to try again.
As Told To Betty
I always believed romantic love wasn’t in the cards for me. While I loved my friends and family, I had never experienced romantic or sexual feelings for anyone until 2021. To be honest, I wasn’t worried about it, but everything changed when I met Derin.
In March 2021, as people were recovering from the trauma of 2020, I met a girl online. Her name was Derin, and she seemed fun. She had the kind of personality I typically admired in my female friends. I followed her and struck up a conversation in her inbox. We started talking, bonding over our mutual love for movies, anime, and cheesy romance novels.. What stood out most was her reaction when I admitted I’d never caught feelings before—she didn’t make it awkward. Within a week of texting, we exchanged phone numbers and started FaceTiming every day.
By May 2021, I noticed my feelings for Derin had grown stronger. I convinced myself that I wanted her to be my best friend because of how deeply attached I’d become to our friendship.
Derin and I lived in different cities—me in Lagos and her in Abuja—so our friendship existed entirely online. In September 2021, she travelled to Lagos with her family for a wedding (or owambe, I can’t remember). What I’ll never forget was the first time I saw her. We met at the Domino’s in Yaba, and the moment I laid eyes on her, it felt like my brain had been hit by a truck. She looked amazing in her gele and sequined party dress, her skin glowing in the afternoon sun. Even her voice was smoother in real life. When she hugged me, I almost burst into flames. It’s so hard to describe the feeling. My fingers tingled, and I started sweating despite the AC being on full blast. If I pointed my finger, electricity would shoot out and blow something up (that’s how I felt).
We talked for a long time, but I made excuses to leave earlier than I wanted to because I was on the verge of hyperventilating during our conversation. She was calm about it, assuming I wasn’t feeling well—and honestly, I started wondering the same because what kind of behaviour was that? Anyway, we said our goodbyes, and she returned to Abuja with her family, promising to visit again in December.
After she left, I dreamt about her every day for a week. I couldn’t stop thinking about her all the time–it was scary. The worst part was that I couldn’t talk to her about it because she was the one I usually confided in. So, I spoke to one of my guy friends. He laughed and asked, “Abi you like this babe ni?” That’s when it hit me: I was experiencing my first crush. I couldn’t believe it. I had actual romantic feelings for my best friend, the worst cliche in the Wattpad books Derin and I loved to read.
I decided to keep my feelings to myself and try to get over them. But as December approached, the pressure inside me built up until I felt like I would pop if I didn’t tell her I was in love with her. I was determined to talk to her about my feelings when she returned to Lagos that December. But by the time I worked up the courage to even tell her that I had something to say, she told me she had a crush on some guy from Twitter.
The guy wasn’t even good-looking (yes, I’m a hater). She’d send me his tweets and gush over him while I tried to be supportive. But for the first time, I felt that hot, uncomfortable pang of romantic jealousy. Every time she talked about him, it was like someone was pounding my chest like pounded yam, but I held my tongue. I didn’t want to make things awkward by confessing my feelings when she already had a crush on someone else. I tried and tried to get over her, but she was so amazing, and it was too hard.
The more she spoke about him, the more resentful I became, and I hated my resentment more than anything. Having rebuffed other people’s feelings many times before, I knew my emotions weren’t her fault. But that didn’t make them any easier to handle. So, I slowly began to pull back from our friendship, and by mid-2022, we were only speaking once in a while.
I admit that the distance helped me cope with my feelings, but I still had to confront them. Love songs and poems gained a whole new perspective for me during this time. I finally understood why people sing in the rain and why writers poured their hearts out on paper. It was a very trying time for me because I also had trouble accepting this new facet of myself and how it changed my desire for a partner for myself. I eventually got my feelings under control and moved on from it.
In December 2024, I called her to catch up. During our conversation, she admitted that she’d had a huge crush on me back when she visited Lagos. But she didn’t want to make me uncomfortable because she knew I was ace.
I was speechless. It hit me that I still had a soft spot for her, and I regret not making a move when I had the chance—or even after coming to terms with my feelings. She’s dating someone now, so I’ve kept my feelings to myself. But I won’t lie—I pray daily for their breakup. When she’s single again, I’ll find the courage to ask her out. We talk more now, but our friendship isn’t as close as it used to be. Still, I’m hopeful about the future and what it might bring.
