I recently struck a bet with my friend, Ori Ejo, who was visiting Lagos for a couple of days from Osogbo. He went on and on about how we’re suffering in Lagos, paying the most for the most basic things. I couldn’t let that slander go.
Yes, I know Laygurss is expensive, but it’s not so bad that you can’t ball on a ₦5k budget.
So I told Ori Ejo I’d go on a ₦5k meat tour, and it’d be far better than what ₦5k will get him in Osogbo.
A little back story about Ori Ejo. He’s the friend in this article who crushed seasoning cubes on chunks of snake meat. Ori Ejo, which means “snake head” in Yoruba, became my nickname for him after I discovered his love for snake meat.
Now, what do you get for ₦5k on the streets of Lagos? First off, erase any idea of private cabs for this mini adventure. But it’s not like okadas and keke maruwas are cheap these days, no thanks to the fuel subsidy removal.
My take-off point was the popular Olosha market in Mushin because there was no way I’d miss out on linking up with my meat plug. He has the best ponmo deals that fit right into my ₦5k budget. I got a decent cut for ₦800 and was left with a balance of ₦4000 — after paying ₦200 for t-fare.
Next was this barbecue spot around Shitta Underbridge in Surulere. I used to eye this spot a lot because there was always a long queue of people trying to buy from them, and that meant they had to be doing something right. Tell me why I got there and these guys wanted to charge ₦3000 for barbecued chicken and chips. I mean, it’s a fair price, but I expected a cheaper deal for a street spot. ₦3k would’ve done serious damage to my budget, so it was a no-no.
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But you see, the beauty of Layguyrss is you’ll always find something. What did I find in this instance? Grilled chicken franks. I didn’t even know this was a thing, but it looked so good, I had to try it. It was just ₦300 for a stick. I bought two.
I knew this my waka wouldn’t be complete without suya and turkey, but I also knew it’d be hard to get both on a ₦3k budget. This is where connection comes in. Sorry to break it to you, but you cannot go far in Lagos without connections. It doesn’t even have to be people in government. You also need to know people in the streets to amp up your street cred.
To cut the long story short, I hopped on a bus to Aguda, where my brother had a turkey grill spot. I mean, I wasn’t even supposed to pay but I had an agenda that needed to agend. I sweet-talked my brother into selling a piece of turkey wing for ₦1500. The going rate would have been ₦2k.
I was running out of cash and knew it was time to head back home. But not without suya. I had a plug, Bello, just outside the LUTH gate in Idi-Araba, and he was the perfect person to wrap up this waka. My ₦1500 got me a stick of chicken suya at ₦500, beef suya at ₦400 and ₦200 masa.
I gagged Ori Ejo when I returned home, but it wasn’t because his point about Lagos being expensive was wrong. I was just street-smart.
Now, who wants to give me ₦100k to properly eat all the meat I want at the Burning Ram meat festival in Laygurrrsss?
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