The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
This 29-year-old engineer and the subject of this week’s Abroad Life didn’t fully appreciate what he had with his situationship-turned-girlfriend in Nigeria until he moved to Canada and realised how expensive it is to plan a Nigerian wedding abroad. He talks about why dating Nigerian girls in Canada isn’t for him and explains why he’s not a fan of interracial marriages.
When did you leave Nigeria, and where do you live now?
I left Nigeria in April 2023. I now live in Toronto, Canada, where I am pursuing a master’s degree.
Oh nice, what are you studying?
Masters in Engineering and innovation,
So, did you leave Nigeria because you wanted a Masters degree?
Not exactly. At that point in my life, there was a lot of pressure to seek a better life. I was working with a Canadian company back in Nigeria, and the company was open to helping me move to Canada. It also felt like the right time to explore the world.
Oh, so are you studying and working at the same time?
I didn’t take the company’s offer because the process would have taken a long time for me. I already had plans to study abroad anyway, so I moved to Canada through that route. Originally, my plan was to move to the UK, but Canada just came through way faster than I expected.
Has Canada met your expectations?
I had huge expectations of the country, but the reality was different. Everybody in Nigeria thinks Canada is a nice country, but when you’re here, you realise that it’s just bills, taxes, and a high cost of living. At the same time, you’re struggling to pay your tuition and trying to deal with the thousands of immigration policies that affect you as a student– Policies that define how you work, what you are allowed to do and how you literally live your life. The reality is tougher than the expectation.
Another thing that I didn’t expect is how people don’t keep friendships here, once you’re out of sight, you are out of mind. You’ll form surface-level relationships, but you most likely won’t find a community. I’m grateful I have a girlfriend and great friends outside Canada.
Where is your girlfriend?
She’s in Nigeria. When I moved to Canada, I realised it would be difficult to change my entire lifestyle when I got married. I want someone who likes the food and music I’m used to; I just don’t feel like starting all over again with someone else. I don’t want to play Wizkid in the morning, and my partner will start asking who I’m listening to. I love the idea of interracial marriages, but it’s not for me.
That’s valid. How did you meet your girlfriend?
I’ve known the girl for a long time. We met in Nigeria when we were both 300-level university students, but we weren’t dating then; we just hung out and talked a lot. It was more of a situationship at first. Things didn’t really work out between us, so we went our separate ways. We reconnected three months before I left Nigeria, and we’ve been together since then.
So how long have you guys been together now?
If I count the years we spent in the situationship, I’d say close to two years now. That’s enough time for me to know I’ll marry her.
Aww. How did you know she was the one?
When I date someone, I’m planning to marry them. I don’t think it’s about her. I think it’s about me.
Oh. Are you thinking of proposing anytime soon?
Honestly, I feel like I’ve been feeling pressured lately because most of my friends are getting married. My friends even exclude me from some conversations because there are things they think unmarried men like me cannot relate to. But I’ve been thinking of proposing to her for a while.
So I have a little thing I’m planning to surprise her with, but I just need to get my money up for now. My financial status will determine how soon I can get married,
Money is always such a killjoy
Right? But the plan is set. I am going to the UK next year to visit my best friend. His wife is having a baby. My girlfriend will also leave Nigeria for a while to join me on that trip. The plan is to take her to a football game, talk to a couple of engineers at the stadium, and convince them to play a little video that says, “Will you marry me?” when the game is over.
I’m curious. How exactly is money slowing down the marriage plan?
Marriage is no joke. If I’m going to get married, I must be prepared to live like a married man. I also have some personal goals I’d like to achieve first. For example, I want to buy my dream car before I get married. I’ve also fallen in love with travelling since I moved to Canada, and there are destinations I want to visit first as a bachelor before I get married. So personal needs or wants aside, if I’m getting married, I must be ready to take care of a family. There’s also the cost of bringing my girlfriend over to Canada too.
Valid. If you guys get married, where would the ceremony be held?
We’ll get married in Ogun state, Nigeria. The thought of going back to Nigeria to get married almost makes me regret not marrying her before I moved to Canada.
Why?
When you go back home to marry, everybody assumes you have money. This means our families would have expectations. My girlfriend is understanding, but she can’t exactly control what would be demanded of me to cover wedding expenses.
Growing up, we just assumed everybody who lived abroad had money so I already know I’ll pay for almost everything we need for the wedding. Nigeria’s economy isn’t helping either. She’s trying her best, but she barely makes enough from her job–she’s not getting paid enough, or it’s the cost of living that’s making it look like she’s not paid enough.
What does she do?
She’s an accountant who earns around ₦150,000 to ₦200,000. She’s also a salesperson. She usually gets a 10% cut of the total amount of whatever she sells. She makes between ₦1,000,000 and ₦1,500,000 million from that per annum.
Has it ever crossed your mind to get married in Canada? Is that a cheaper option for both of you?
It’s actually an impossible option for us. For her to come here as a dependant, the wedding has to be held in Nigeria. Also, for the kind of visa we need, getting married in Canada will make it impossible for her to move here permanently. I also won’t be considering dating a Nigerian living in Canada. No shade to them, but they are not the kind of girls I’d like to marry. I’ve met lots of girls from different nationalities here -Indians, Chinese, Colombia – but they are all built differently compared to the Nigerian girls in Canada. Most of the girls here don’t understand the “build together” mindset. They think you must pay their bills, take them out and all. The demands are crazier than what I’m used to; I like being in beneficial relationships– I give you stuff, you give me stuff. But here, it’s different, and I don’t think I’m ever willing to commit to that.
So it’s your girlfriend or nobody?
Yes, she’s perfect for me.
Would these financial concerns have been a thing if you had married her before moving to Canada?
Probably, but it won’t be as bad. Living in Canada has automatically made people think I have a lot of money to spend on a wedding. The expectations wouldn’t be that high if I were still in Nigeria. Plus, I’m also adding the cost of helping my girlfriend move to Canada to the expenses. I’ll also need to do a lot of back-and-forth between Nigeria and Canada for the wedding, so there’s that too
That’s tough. On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you in Canada?
I feel like the quality of my life has gotten way worse than it was in Nigeria. At least in Nigeria, I wasn’t rich, but I was way above middle class. I could get a car if I wanted to, I could wake up and decide to go on a spontaneous trip. I wasn’t struggling at all, but here, I don’t even have enough money to feed myself plus, I’m paying my tuition out of pocket, which takes a lot from me financially. The quality of my life has dropped generally. I can’t even randomly decide to buy takeout, eat out at restaurants or go to different places. The only thing you can do here is save money and keep surviving. So maybe four.
Do you ever consider moving back to Nigeria?
Oh no. Even though I’m sad and depressed here, I know it’s a personal problem that could change in the future because the country is working. The problems I had in Nigeria, on the other hand, were institutional, and that wasn’t something I could fix. I was in Nigeria last month, and things were worse than I remember them to be. Even the fact that I can walk past a police officer in the middle of the night here in Canada is enough reason to want to stay.
When I went to Nigeria last month, policemen were still stopping people to collect money. It’s a sad problem to deal with. There’s also an infrastructural problem—I saw how the national grid kept falling, and I wondered how people who have non-Nigerian employers are going to explain something that ridiculous. Light is constant here, and there’s Wi-Fi, too. So whenever I compare these problems, I realise I’m better off here.
Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT).
