The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
The Nigerian urge to look for greener pastures abroad has forced many people in the country with no desire to japa soon to lose beautiful friendships and relationships. Emmanuel Faith, an HR professional and the subject of this week’s #AbroadLife has said 14 goodbyes in just one month. Now, he knows different timezones across continents like the back of his hand
How many of your friends have left Nigeria in the last month?
The list is now 14. Imagine losing about 60% of your friends to japa. It’s heart-wrenching for real.
Sounds tough. How are you feeling?
Well, in 2021 and 2022, my friends were leaving in bits so I didn’t feel it that much. A larger percentage of my friends were still in the country, so it was just a few I had to catch up with and maintain a communication rhythm with virtually.
So 2021 and 2022 were better?
Yes. I was buried in capitalism. I was working with a company I was wholeheartedly in love with and unhealthily obsessed about so I didn’t exactly see the need to travel. Petrol wasn’t ₦950 per litre and life was averagely okay because I worked in tech, and earned slightly above the industry standard.
Why is 2024 different?
This year is very tough because the last one year has been very difficult for me emotionally and psychologically and I have had to depend on my friends a lot, especially for emotional support, so seeing all of them leave me (geographically at least) was very hurtful.
While I am super-delighted that they are all making great progress, I am also hurt that I can’t easily stop by their apartments, whisk them to lunch or call them out of the blue because now they might be in class, interviews or anywhere else. It’s heartrending.
Sorry to hear that. Can you share how the migration of your friends has affected your life?
It’s a lot o. I miss seeing them physically, I miss the comfort of knowing they are just one Uber, Bolt or Indrive away from me.
I miss the spontaneous lunch and the assurance that we would run into each other at one or two events every month. It has also affected my social life, for instance, my friend OJ, used to organize house parties (not the razz ones please), where I have met a lot of great amazing people who have become acquaintances and work colleagues. I have even gotten work gigs, consulting gigs, training gigs, paid speaking engagements etc from those gatherings, but since he travelled, that has stopped, and the person who attempted to pick up the baton- IB, also travelled; half of those that used to attend those gatherings have now travelled.
Nawa o…
Can you see my life like this?
Sorry. What do you miss most about having your friends around?
I miss the physical presence, the physical gatherings, and the assurance that my friends are not so far away.
It has also affected my sleeping pattern as I now look forward to staying up because it helps me catch up with my friends in different time zones like the USA, Canada, Australia and Korea. Yes, I have friends in Korea and Hong Kong. That’s what Nigeria can do ehn…People just dey hustle for greener pastures everywhere, God abeg.
Not you being a timezone expert now LMAO
(Laughs) I have definitely learnt a lot more about time zones and scheduling with my Google calendar better. For instance, there is 16 hours between Seoul and San Francisco because I have friends in both places and Toronto is 3 hours ahead of Vancouver even though both cities are in Canada. Intriguing right?
I’m sure my Geography teacher will be proud of me. May his blessed soul rest in peace.
Amen. Does the idea of maybe filling up your social circle with new friends in Nigeria make sense to you?
This question is tricky. It isn’t about it making sense or not, it is that I love my friends, and while I am always opening up to new people, interactions, friendships and relationships, I do not intend to let go of my old friendships because of the bond we’ve built.
We have been through different cycles and seasons of life together, and relocation isn’t going to be a boundary or deterrent to our friendship blossoming. Fortunately for me, building and sustaining friendships is one of my forte. In fact, I have a very helpful video on my YouTube channel that people in my shoes can watch. It contains very practical tips on how to build and sustain friendships in this exhaustingly daunting world of adulting.
From setting up Google Meet every two weeks to sharing the evenings via Facetime, while I miss my friends’ physical presence, technology has been a great aid in keeping up. My friends are also cute, thoughtful and lovely people, and if you read my 2023 review, you’d probably discover that half of the friends I referenced were out of the country as of when the review was written. Shout-out to all my friends abroad, ensuring our friendship keeps blooming. Y’all are the real deal
I am always open to making new friends though, so if you are reading this and you wanna be my friend? Shoot me a friendship shot on Twitter or Instagram and let’s roll from there.
Don’t be annoyed o but any chance you might be thinking of joining the japa wave?
Another tricky question, you are not taking it easy on me. The thing is- I am not one of those people that sees japa as an escape route- the bye-bye kind of process. I definitely plan to travel as I am at the point where I need a major propeller career-wise to attain the next level on the career ladder, so I am passively seeking fully-funded opportunities for further education, fellowships and capacity-building.
Please connect me to sponsors if you have. But I am not looking to do that right now, as I am still looking to stabilize my career and continue to get things done at my current place of work while impacting the immediate HR Community, Tech community and the Nigerian tech ecosystem at large.
So a brief answer is, I want to travel for personal and professional development, and not because I am running away or japaing from Nigeria. I want Nigeria to work, and I hope it works in our generation.
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Tuesday at 12 PM (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
