Nigerian politicians are good at two things: making promises they cannot keep and helping themselves to slices of the national cake that don’t belong to them.
The latest star attraction for corruption is the Accountant-General of the Federation, Ahmed Idris, who’s accused of fraud to the tune of ₦80 billion.
That’s a lot of zeros.
Corruption has been going on for far too long in Nigeria, and not enough offenders even end up in prison. Without the fear of consequences, stealing from the country’s treasury will never stop. So, maybe the problem is that we’re not getting creative enough with the punishments for offenders.
We have some nice alternatives to consider.
Walk of Shame boards
We know Nigerian politicians are shameless but a child who won’t let his mother sleep will also have no sleep. Convicted thieves should be made to walk around with placards around their necks. This way, everyone they meet can immediately know to hide their valuables.
Listen to songs by Nollywood actors on loop forever
Whoever violates Nigeria’s treasury should be made to face the music. When you lock up one or two offenders in a room and make them listen to Tonto Dike’s catalogue of torture porn songs, for example, we expect others to learn.
Mop the Lagos lagoon
Mopping the lagoon is an impossible and even illogical task, we know. That’s the whole point of making thieves try to do it with a mop and bucket. So they can see how much of a failure they’re turning the country to.
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Sweaty exercises
Since grown-up Nigerian leaders can’t seem to learn that stealing is bad behaviour, they deserve to be treated like we treat children that don’t listen. We’re not making thieves sweat enough, and this is why corruption is feeling too at home.
Walk of Shame
Yes, another shaming proposal because we clearly don’t have enough of it. Hollywood has its prestigious Walk of Fame for the best of the best in the business of filmmaking. The best of the best thieves in Nigeria should get their very own shiny Walk of Shame plaques to immortalise their bad behaviour. Maybe then, it’d be harder for thieves to rebrand.
Watch Chief Daddy 2 on repeat forever
We bet even the most unrepentant thief doesn’t want to watch Chief Daddy 2 more than once.
This guy’s suggestion
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