Ada (25) knows her period is coming whenever she starts getting dark thoughts that leave her fighting for her life. She talks about how a random tweet introduced her to Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and a community of women that make her feel less alone in her struggles.
As told to Margaret
I don’t tell people this often, but my life feels miserable whenever my period is coming. It starts with an intense urge to take my own life.
The week before my period comes, I feel depressed. I wake up exhausted, and I end up crying because the urge to off myself is so strong. It would get so bad sometimes, and I’d start wondering what the problem was with me, but when my period finally showed up, it always made sense to me why I was getting those thoughts– my menstruation.
So I didn’t know that there was a medical term for this feeling, and I didn’t think it was something other women experienced until I saw a tweet sometime in 2023. I can’t remember who made the tweet, but the babe who posted it said something along the lines of how she would constantly feel really sad and depressed two weeks before her period.
She later made a follow-up tweet and shared an article about Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). I read the article, and it hit me, like, “Okay, I’m not crazy; this is something other women can relate to.”
It felt great knowing what I was going through was medically backed up. The other women engaging with that tweet felt validated and relieved to know they weren’t alone. I have dealt with depression and suicidal tendencies for the longest time, but it took me a long time to realise that PMDD was something that made those suicidal thoughts worse.
I haven’t gotten medically diagnosed, but I tried consulting with a male doctor before I saw that tweet, and it wasn’t very productive– It just felt like he was gaslighting me. He said things like ” What you’re feeling is not serious enough to get a diagnosis; just try to focus on happy thoughts before your period” which is crazy because if it were that easy to replace suicidal thoughts with happy thoughts, I would never have visited a hospital.
I’ve considered going to another hospital for the diagnosis, but that experience discouraged me from reaching out to anyone else.
It also didn’t feel necessary anymore after I saw that tweet. I think all I wanted the doctor to do was to help me understand what was going on with my mind. I just wanted to know what was wrong with me, but I didn’t want to be put on meds. For someone who is suicidal, pills can be triggering.
For now, I’m just surrounding myself with people that make me feel supported. Since I realised that what I had was PMDD, my boyfriend has been monitoring my menstrual cycle. Whenever my period is a week or two away, he sends a message to give me a heads-up. That’s always my cue to surround myself with the things and people I love. That’s also when I stay away from things that are triggering.
Honestly, the most helpful thing for me is bonding with other women who are going through the same thing. I have three friends who get their period around the same time I get mine, and they deal with those depressive thoughts too. It really helps to talk to people who say, “I understand what you’re going through”, and they genuinely do.
Whenever it’s any of our turns, we take time to care for each other. A friend once created a playlist for me, and I’ve also had others write me letters or send me things they believe would help ease my struggles. It’s easier because I don’t have to always explain how I feel; they understand because it’s their reality, too.
If you suspect that someone you know might be suffering from PMDD, here’s how to help them.
But that’s just a coping mechanism. It still feels like I’m fighting for my life for two weeks every month. My life would be much easier if I didn’t have to deal with it. I get two weeks every month where I have peace of mind, and then the next two weeks are just chaos and other forms of frustration. It’s the worst thing. I see other people living 10/10 lives, but mine feels like a 5/10 life because of PMDD. If you take that away, my life would be a solid 8/10.
For something as serious as PMDD, the level of research is extremely low. I read about women’s health regularly, so it doesn’t make sense that I didn’t know what PMDD was until 2023.
It’s not discussed enough. There are so many women who don’t understand where the intense emotions and depressive thoughts they get before their period are coming from. It makes me wonder how many women have given in to the urge to take their own lives because of PMDD. And honestly, I feel like if men were going through these things, there would be enough research, and there would have been a solution by now.
I’ve heard stories of women being gaslit by medical professionals, and most of them were either told to lose weight or add more weight, depending on how much they weighed. For me, I also got told it’ll stop when I give birth.
I think Nigerian doctors are aware of the severity of PMDD, but as in most disorders that heavily affect women, it is not taken as seriously. Call it medical misogyny if you will.
While there are no reliable local resources due to the limited level of awareness and research (particularly for Nigerian women), here are a few steps you can take if you’d like to get diagnosed or have suffered from medical gaslighting
I think that while PMDD has the same symptoms for most women, it can also be different for some women. But if you are consistently struggling every week before your period, mentally and emotionally, I would advise speaking to a medical professional, someone who is kind and empathetic, because without that, you’ll feel unseen.
I would also advise doing your own research on it, as no one can fully understand how you feel except you. Once you understand your symptoms, you can understand how they present for you.
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