Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
Take a second to think of an activist. Who came to your mind? FK Abudu? Falz? We can’t tell, but we are sure they were human. Well, non-human entities are just as capable of carrying out bold forms of activism, as we saw on Remembrance Day.
In this interview, the head of the Remembrance Day Pigeons shares with us the reason they refused to fly when released by Buhari. It reveals how the animals have been fighting for Nigerians for a long time, and what’s next on their activism agenda.
Zikoko: Can we just start by saying we salute your courage?
Remembrance Day Pigeon: Why?
It is not every day that the citizens of the animal kingdom step up to assist Nigerians in their struggle.
We have been fighting for you guys since. We have never left you alone.
Really?
Oh yes. Have you forgotten when our brothers, the rats, chased Buhari out of Aso Rock?
Wow. That was planned?!
Even the snake that swallowed money came from us.
The corrupt snake?
The actual mission was to go and bite the Minister of Information, whose name we shall not mention.
So what happened?
It was corrupted by that very same minister. So you can imagine how bad this country is. Imagine a snake being corrupted. A snake that is the grandmaster of deception itself.
That was when we decided, enough is enough. It’s time for operation national disgrace, and we knew Buhari would be the best target.
Why Buhari?
Why not Buhari? Buhari the travel blogger, Buhari the lifestyle TV personality, Buhari the agbada model. Why should he not be the recipient of our disgrace?
Hmmm.
We planned our move well. We knew they would need pigeons for the Remembrance Day, so we positioned ourselves for them to catch us. If it was someone else that released us and said, “Oya fly,” we might have listened.
But it was Buhari. Can he even pronounce fly? He was there shouting, ‘Ply! Ply!‘ and we just looked at him like, “Who does this one think he is talking to?”
Imo state governor too carried chest and tried to command us. A man that will chop disgrace will chop disgrace. Even if they offer him Jollof rice, he will ask for disgrace as appetizer. If we did not fly for Buhari, his oga, who is he to think we will listen to him?
Ahan, you are bold oh.
What will he do? Lock the border again? Restrict us from TraderMoni? Maybe he will ask Tolu to write a thread sha. We wanted to show Nigerians that if a man you call your president cannot make pigeons fly, then everything is wrong.
So, where do we go from here?
Tell Buhari that we have just started. We, the pigeons, are a jealous and angry lot, visiting the iniquity of the senate and Aso Rock upon the president from the first generation to the fourth generation.
Ah.
Tell him we are coming. If he flies to Ougadougou, he will find us there, ready to disgrace him and shit on his head if need be. Things have fallen apart in Nigeria, and the centre can no longer hold. Pigeon shit is loosened upon Aso Rock, and until they all confess, every head shall collect.
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