It’s a tough period for Nigerians in the diaspora. It’s colder than your motherland, and all your friends are in their homes with family. If you’re lucky, your own family is with you. How can you survive this period without losing your mind?
We have tips.
Enter someone else’s relationship
There’s a solution for everything if you’re desperate enough. Enter a relationship that doesn’t belong to you, whether with permission or by force. They think they can wear matching pyjamas and snuggle together? Show them that Naija no dey carry last.
Buy plenty mirrors
The mind isn’t as smart as we make it to be. That’s why there are things called illusions and magic. Surround your room with mirrors so when you enter, it seems like you’re in a place full of people just like you. Abi, don’t you like yourself 🙃?
Do drugs
What else can make you feel like you’re not alone? Once you begin to feel lonely, take something that’ll convince you your family is in the room with you, commenting on your weight and asking when you’ll marry. Just like old times.
Disclaimer: It’s play o. Zikoko does not encourage the use of hard drugs
Join a coven
If you can’t find physical companionship, you can always look towards the spiritual plane. Cold no dey catch winch o. Plus, abroad witches and wizards have brooms to fly. You won’t have to trek or disappear with bad graphic effects.
If witchcraft isn’t your speed, get yourself a spirit husband or wife. We have a full tutorial.
Come back to Nigeria 👀
Come back home. Is it not ordinary flooding, insecurity and inflation? Is that why you want to freeze in a foreign land? Come home, let’s throw banger together joh.
This is not your village people talking.
Sleep a lot
It’s somebody who’s awake that knows there’s nobody for them to play with. Sleep, wake up, eat and go back to bed. It’s just three months of doing this every day. Light work.
Set your goals for next year
It’s always a wonderful thing to spend time lying to yourself about things you want to start, stop and achieve in the next calendar year. Write one goal per day and meditate on it. Before you know it, time has gone, and winter is over.
Gaslight yourself
When you begin to feel lonely, convince yourself it’s because society wants you to feel that way this period. You’re better than being a puppet of society. How’s winter different from other times of the year? Is it not just that snow is falling? Why should that make you lonely?
