The Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) invited six of Nigeria’s 17 candidates that’ll contest in the 2023 presidential election to its annual conference on August 22nd, 2022.
The candidates used the platform to toast Nigerians and sell themselves as the best things since agege bread.
We learnt some new things about them at the conference.
Tinubu is a busy man
Let’s immediately get it out of the way that the candidate of the All Progressives’ Congress (APC), Bola Tinubu, didn’t attend the conference even though it took place only a few minutes from his house.
Maybe he was too busy drawing up his strategy for the millions of youths he plans to draft into his agbado army, or maybe he’s just a late-blooming introvert too shy to show his face in public.
Tinubu sent his running mate, Ibrahim Shettima, to the conference instead and we have to talk about him…
Shettima needs a stylist
Shettima showed up to the NBA conference looking like this:
And the only plausible explanation is that he’s a victim of “What I Ordered vs What I Got.” It’s also possible that Tinubu only told him about the conference last minute, so he only got the chance to hurriedly dress himself at the car park. Either way, we (don’t) sympathise.
Dumebi Kachikwu isn’t a one-minute man
The most basic lesson even a primary school student learns is to always listen to instructions. But the candidate of the African Democratic Congress (ADC), Dumebi Kachikwu, is a man that likes to assert himself.
When the MC asked him to give his closing remarks in one minute or less, he protested that it wasn’t enough. The instruction was for him to talk about what he’d do for Nigerians as president, but he kept talking off the script so much that the MC cut him off and moved on to the next candidate.
Atiku wants to make Nigeria… great again?
In his address at the conference, the candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), Atiku Abubakar, advocated for a Nigeria where everyone has a sense of belonging and there’s unity and we’re all singing kumbaya around a fire.
And, according to him, that only ever happened when the government of Olusegun Obasanjo assumed power in 1999. Conveniently, Atiku was his vice president at the time and he thinks Nigerians need to bring back that “experience” in 2023 to rescue the country. According to him, to escape the trenches, we must go back to move forward.
Peter Obi wants to flip a switch
In his address, the candidate of the Labour Party (LP), Peter Obi, was unforgiving in his assessment of Nigeria as a failed country. And his fix is that Nigeria must make the transition from an insecure country to a secure one, from a disunited country to a united country, from a lawless country to a country of law and order and from a corrupt country to a transparent country.
Obi didn’t clearly outline how he’ll make this happen, so the only assumption is that there’s a switch somewhere waiting to be flipped.
Tinubu wants to recreate the Lagos experience for Nigeria
As Tinubu’s representative at the conference, Shettima proudly announced to everyone that the APC candidate will recreate the Lagos experience for Nigeria. But what’s the Lagos experience? The fourth-largest economy in Africa? Or the home of life-threatening annual floods and an agbero culture that’s become a trademark? Is the Lagos experience a blessing or a threat?
Shettima also promised that a Tinubu presidency will address “ecology” and we’re not sure if that’s a synonym for “unemployment” or the name of a vegetable.
ALSO READ: The 2023 Presidential Campaign Promises We Already Find Laughable
Dumebi Kachikwu will make everyone patriots
The MC gave Kachikwu a second chance to sell himself after his initial stumble and his proposal is to introduce a patriot bill that makes everyone equal.
To make Nigerian leaders care about real issues, he plans to force them to use the same public amenities the average Nigerians use. For instance, his patriot bill forces public officers to travel only by road except in case of emergencies.
His theory is simple: The people who have the power to make Nigeria work would do everything possible to make it happen if it directly affects them and their families.
Adewole Adebayo knows where the money is buried
There’s an unending debate about whether Nigeria is a rich country or in the chokehold of sapa. But the candidate of the Social Democratic Party (SDP), Adewole Adebayo, believes Nigerian politicians are lying when they say there’s no money on ground. That means our money will grow like grass if he wins?
Also, Adebayo’s strategy to win the election is appealing to Nigerians to change the people they usually vote for. We wonder where we’ve heard that change thing before.
So original
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