1) The quiet ones:
They mind their business and the only time you interact with them is from bargaining fare to eventual payment. 5 stars, Okada edition.
2) Chatterboxes:
Sir, I can’t hear you over the sound of my heart beating fast because I am holding on for dear life. Stop talking sir.
3) Daredevils:
Swerve between tankers, fight trucks for the right of way, speed at 200km/h – Check, check, check. Their motto is usually “no fear”. I am afraid sir. Very. Emabinu.
4) Greeters:
Nothing worse than a bike man that the whole street knows. Turn right, hailings. You’ll now hear a name like scorpion baba. That’s when you will start praying to God to deliver you safely to your destination.
5) Clueless:
They have no idea where you are going to. Their favorite word is “you no sabi the place?” But sir you said you know the place. They are the worst set.
A way to spot them is that they wear this kind of “helmet”.
6) Music lovers:
It’s 5 pm after a stressful Lagos day, the sun is dipping at the right angle, the road is free. The air is suspiciously clean and life seems good. Mid reverie, you hear “oteselebo yahoo ni babalawo”, your bike man has disturbed your perfect escape with his loud music. These set of bikemen are probably failed DJ’s because they keep skipping from track to track with no direction.
The instrument of peace disturbance.
7) Pressers of horn:
You just know they didn’t have toys as children. At the slightest provocation, they are horn trigger happy. It’s like a siren that brings attention to you as you are trying to safely get to your destination.
8) The ones trying to avoid police:
Once the bike man asks if you have change or for you to pay up before you reach the destination, you know they are running from the police.
9) The ones trying to avoid touts:
As soon as you hear “I no go reach the bus stop ohhh” you know they are running from the insane tax collectors called the area boys.
10) Fighters:
They alternate between either trying to beat you or beat another road user. There is no in-between for this set of people. They are ready to pick a fight for the smallest of offenses. Beware, if you scream too loudly, they just may beat you too. Just pray till you arrive at your destination.
11) The pleasant ones:
Some of these riders are so lovely that after the ride you start to ask if you possibly imagined it. They are so courteous, have change, are helpful, and they even seal it off with a small prayer for your day. These ones make a heavy day lighter.
12) Advisors:
Once they see something on the road they don’t agree with, they start to advise you. Talking about “Sir, you look respectful, don’t be like these ones on the road.” Sir, I am like them too, is it because I am wearing a starched shirt?
