So, tell me where all of this started
The tale kicked off in February 2024. I had a music performance at an event in Ibadan. After the show, it was too late for me to return to Lagos, but one of the event producers was kind enough to offer me a room at the hotel where he was staying.
When I got there, the producers had a post-event meeting, but I was too tired to wait with them, so I went up to the room to sleep. It turns out I went into the wrong room, and I met a girl there. Her name was Dunni, and we got talking. It was the easiest conversation I’d had in a long time. We talked until the producers came back up.
Now, obviously, she was there to spend the night with someone else, so I had to leave the room for them, but I didn’t mind; I got her number anyway.
Spicy.
We talked every day for a hundred days. We agreed to keep it casual for the first three months to get to know each other, but we talked every single day. I’m a musician, so I’d sing to her sometimes, too. Those were easily the best days of my life; the emotional connection opened me up creatively.
I’m not an emotional guy, but this girl had me writing love songs. I really loved her.
So what happened after?
As we neared the end of the hundred days, it was clear I was emotionally invested in this girl, and I thought she felt the same. I invited her over to my family’s house when my parents were out, and we spent some time talking and enjoying each other’s company. Then my dad came home a bit early and met her there.
Now it was obvious to him that something more was going on even though I introduced her as ‘just a friend’. He asked her questions about her life, her studies (she’s a nursing student) and her future plans. It wasn’t a marriage interview, my dad was just curious about her. I thought nothing of it, and I saw her off when she left.
When she got home, she told me how panicky meeting my dad made her, but I assured her there was nothing to worry about. She was not convinced. That’s where the real cracks in our relationship began to show.
What do you mean??
She started avoiding me. Her response times to texts kept getting longer and longer. As soon as I noticed the change, I asked her if something was wrong, but she insisted nothing happened. She argued she was busy with school or there was no network—just ridiculous excuses.
Then, slowly, we stopped talking on all the apps. She wouldn’t reach out unless I left many messages, snaps and missed calls.
How did this make you feel?
I was confused and angry, especially because I was right in the middle of planning an elaborate girlfriend proposal. Literally nothing changed, but in two weeks, it felt like I was trying to talk to a whole different person. It was like the warmth and ease that existed between us evaporated overnight.
Eventually, she stopped replying to my messages, like she had fully gone ghost on me. I reached out to her friends, but they dodged me too. The whiplash of the heartbreak led me down a dark, wild path for a bit.
What kind of dark, wild path was that?
I sunk into vices: alcohol, cigarettes and, especially sex. I was in a hypersexual haze for almost four months before I decided to stop. I was sleeping with every woman who told me yes— and there were many. I was also high most of the time. I was doing everything I could to forget the pain, but I still thought about her a lot.
Within those four months, I made some less-than-good friends and got embroiled in drama that I didn’t need to be involved in. They accused me of appropriating funds and threatened my career. I had to take a step back and reassess what I wanted out of my life, and I confronted the pain and reality of the relationship with Dunni really being over.
What did you eventually decide?
I decided to be celibate, and I took a break from the booze and cigarettes.
Oh? How’s that going?
It’s been great, if only a bit lonely. Celibacy brought me a lot of clarity. I cut off the friends who were draining my energy. I’m now surrounded by people who care about me and don’t put us in volatile situations. I started writing even better music than when I was heartbroken. I also feel better mentally because I’m more in tune with my own body.
Did you ever get closure from Dunni?
Yes and no. At the end of November, I contacted her, even though she never called or texted to check on me or see how I was doing the entire time. I wanted to know why she ghosted me. Not knowing why was driving me insane.
Ah, what did she say?
She said a lot of nothing. She apologized for ghosting. She said she was scared of what committing to a relationship would mean. She also said she felt very bad about not talking to me for months, but she didn’t say what exactly made her stop talking to me. It’s crazy that it took me reaching out after four months of silence for her to say she was scared of commitment and pushed me away. I think we would have been a great couple, but it is what it is.
I’m over her now. I just want to focus on my music and concentrate on working through my feelings in healthier ways in the future. Then maybe I can try my hand at love again.
