Have you ever wondered why and how some women become side chicks? If they regret it or how they felt when they found out? Well, these twelve Nigerian women share their experience as side chicks.
Amaka, 27
I was 21 and had just gotten out of University. I met him at my best friend’s party at a club. He was the friend of my other friend’s boyfriend. He was hitting on me the entire night, and we eventually left the club together. We decided to get a hotel room and on the way to the hotel right in the middle of the bridge at about 3:30am, he told me he was married. I was very horny and it was late, but honestly even if he told me during the day I would have still gone ahead. The next morning, we said our goodbyes and I never planned on seeing him again, but he kept calling me and sending his friend to me. I eventually saw him again and we started a proper relationship where I was his girlfriend.
There were times his wife would call him and I’ll be riding him. I even remember a time he was on the phone with his father in law and we were having sex. We kept seeing each other even after his wife got back. I never disrespected her, and neither did he. I was just in my own corner, and I never wanted her husband to myself or anything. The sex was amazing, and that’s all I wanted from him. We never even talked about her. Sometimes, I even forget she exists. It wasn’t like we were sharing a man. It was one man for both of us. I never felt guilty.
Mary, 31
I was serving in Uyo at the time, but we started talking when I visited a friend in Lagos. He was good to me and the sex was amazing. When I had to choose between moving to Lagos or Abuja, I chose Lagos mainly because of him. When I moved, he casually mentioned he was seeing another woman and I was heartbroken. She was richer than me and they had been dating for about two years before me so I was not expecting him to dump her for me. While we were together, he would never let his phone ring and he never mentioned her. When we were together, I was the only girl. Eventually, she broke up with him by getting married to another man.
Patricia, 26
I did not know she was seeing someone else until the fourth date. While we were hanging out, she got a call and asked me to not speak. I found it weird because the first time we met was at her cousin’s house, so I knew she didn’t care about people knowing about me. After the call, I asked who it was and she said it was her girlfriend. I was obviously shocked cause I had no idea, but she quickly followed up with how she wanted a black girl she could hang with and could understand her. I knew I was not trying to get into a relationship so I just agreed and never asked about the girlfriend. Eventually, I found out it was actually her fiancé.
Linda, 21
I thought I had found the one, but apparently not. One day I went to visit him and she came and met me there. When I got home, I asked who the girl was and he said it was his girlfriend. He told me he thought I knew he had a girlfriend? How was I supposed to know? I was hurt when I found out, but it is in the past.
Jasmine, 22
I knew I was a side chick from the beginning. Technically I also had a boyfriend at the time, so he was my side as well. I felt very guilty, and I honestly believe I got my karma back. We started dating after he ended his relationship, and he ended up cheating on me with different women for the entire length of our two year relationship. I still really regret it, and I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it.
Titi, 25
I always know I am a side chick. I walk into it with my eyes wide open. Currently, I even am a side chick. I met the first one when I was still in school. We were “together” for two years. Met the current one through a mutual friend a few months ago. It’s going okay, and since I am on my way to catching feelings it will soon be time to tap out. I never feel guilty because I’m not the one committed to anybody. It might also be because I’ve been quite desensitized from relationships. I know if I was the woman I won’t really care.
Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.
Wendy, 23
I went clubbing with a friend and her boyfriend in 2017. I got so drunk, I went home with a stranger to have my first one night stand. A few days later, a strange number started texting me repeatedly, and it was Dan*. He said he was friends with my friend’s boyfriend and he wanted us to spend the night together. I was very pissed, so I told him never to text me again. He probably realized that he fucked up, so he apologized. I still wasn’t interested in hanging out with him, but we started texting once in a while. He asked to hang out a couple of times, and I refused every time. Until one Friday evening, I was really bored in my apartment so I just decided to go. We hung out at a bar, went to a club after, and even had sex at the club.
About 6 months into our relationship, he confessed that he got my number from the guy I had a one night stand with. Apparently, they were childhood friends and had a WhatsApp group. The guy had told everyone in the group that he had an amazing night and a threesome with some girls he had met at the club (We never had a threesome). I was already in love with him at that time, so although I was angry I let it slide. I don’t feel guilty because I honestly don’t think anyone can understand me as much as he does. What we have isn’t just sexual. He has been there for me through all the worst times of all my life and I don’t know how I’d be doing if I didn’t have him.
I don’t want him to leave his wife for me because I know what we have is temporary. Although my relationship with him affects my romantic relationship with other people, I know that we have to move on from each other soon. I’m still young and trying to get my life together, so I’m not bothered. Plus, he’s like a senior colleague. He studied the same thing I did in university and is quite successful in that field. He’s helping me a lot with my career. One day we’ll no longer be together, but he’s my best friend so I hope we’ll always remain friends.
Wunmi, 22
I’ve not had any drama of anyone calling me to leave their man because I usually “chop and clean mouth”. I don’t call the man after 7pm, I don’t text first unless I need to, and I act like I don’t know him whenever I see him in public. That way everyone is happy; my bills are being paid, he’s getting his orgasms, and his wife is happy in her illusion.
Zainab, 20
We were friends with benefits for about three months, and one day after we had sex she just casually mentioned how she was going to her girlfriend’s house. I was shocked because she never mentioned a girlfriend to me. Technically I had a girlfriend at the time too, but it was an open relationship and my friend with benefits was aware. She asked me if I wanted to end the relationship, but I said no. After I found out she had a girlfriend, it was like the sex got better. The thought of being caught was so exciting.
Ginika
I was working as an intern, and this guy I worked with kept coming on to me. He was seven years older and wasn’t even my type, but I enjoyed the pursuit. Eventually we started seeing each other, but I went back to school. While in school, I would to go to his house for the weekend. One day, I asked him about a lady I kept seeing on his phone. He said they were just friends. Three months later while stalking his IG, I saw the same babe on his phone. I followed her and she accepted my follow request almost immediately. The first post on her page was a picture of them doing introduction. I felt like I was going to die. I also had an exam the next day, and I wonder how I passed. When I confronted him about it, he told tell me it was because I was so awesome he was afraid to let me go.
Oganya, 31
The first guy I am a side chick for was actually my boyfriend first. He cheated on me and then I stepped back. Eventually, he got married, but he found me one day and begged to remain in my life. I am happier here because he tells me somethings I know would have annoyed me if I was his wife. The second is just a friend of mine I have sex with. Both of them put me on to things that matter and I am really thankful for them. I don’t regret anything, and these men are my whole heart.
Yinka, 32
I was in the University in Accra and he worked in an oil company. I knew he was married from the beginning, but he kept talking about how he wished he had met me earlier and all that. I felt guilty. He was the first person I ever fell in love with, and I still subconsciously use him as a yardstick. Nobody has still been able to measure up because he was the complete package. He planned dates, staycations, cooked together and he taught me how to enjoy sex. I also chopped his dollars very well. We were always together.
The second time wasn’t even supposed to be a relationship. I was recovering from my heartbreak from the last man, and he was going through a rough marriage. We dated for three years, but his wife found out. We live in the same estate and I see her sometimes, but everyone will be alright eventually.
For more stories of things women do, please click here
