Most young people want their parents to be proud of them, a lot of us appreciate validation when it comes from the people we love the most and look up to. For this piece, we asked a few young people to share different reasons why their parents are not proud of them.
Toun, 20
I am the only child of a first son and I always feel like I am not doing enough. My parents don’t voice that they aren’t proud of me, but I know. My parents don’t know me and it feels like I am constantly hiding around them. They think I’m a straight Christian and that’s the part of me they like. It’s obvious that my parents are proud of the side of me that gets promoted at work and gets good grades, but they disregard the side of me that’s living with depression, anxiety and is gay.
I live in fear because I am always hiding even when I want them to see every side of me and be proud of me regardless I don’t know how long I am going to hide the side they are not happy with. It’s worse that I can’t talk to them about what I am going through because they’ll make it about themselves and not me.
Habibah, 25
I’ll share 2 instances.
I don’t have a 9-5 yet, so I run a business. My Mum doesn’t like that I run a business instead of working a 9-5, but I do it because I don’t want to be idle. She has also mentioned learning a skill, but I’m not interested in any of those things. She doesn’t hesitate to shade me with this from time to time about my unemployment. I’m trying to learn some non-coding ways of getting into tech.
One time, we were on our way to see my other Grandpa and she asked “What will I say you are doing if he asks what you’ve been up to since you graduated?”. I was shocked by her question because I don’t know if my business is a joke to her.
Another one, she went with her friend to her daughter’s convocation. She got back and didn’t stop talking about how the girl made her Mum proud and how their whole family attended. She said she was so impressed. Then she concluded it by saying I probably didn’t go for mine because I graduated with very bad grades.
PS: I didn’t attend my convocation because I was in Lagos then. I thought that it was unnecessary to travel to my school which was outside Lagos.
Jumoke, 25
My dad was very abusive to all of us and I got the brunt of the abuse. I was a very curious child and my dad hated it. I am plus size and it was obvious my dad hated that too. He’d go out with my brothers and show them off, but I didn’t let that get to me.
My parents split up when I got into university and my father immediately disowned me. I studied law in university, hoping that it would help me get his attention he didn’t reach out all through my time in university and had finished law school by the time he reached out trying to mend our relationship.
I haven’t gotten the great job he hoped I’ll get right out of law school and it’s quite obvious he isn’t proud of who I am right now. My dad is a boastful person and I have not yet given him a reason to fully boast yet.
Sade
I have a strong personality and a pretty face so although I have A sized boobs with a small bum(flat chest and flat ass), I still get a ton of attention from guys. My mum has a problem with my body though, one would think it should be the opposite, but I get a lot of demeaning looks from her. She hates that I’m flat-chested and not tall.
She always points it out when we are visiting people or when she sees other girls my age with big or medium breasts and she has gone as far as suggesting I buy breast enlargement products. We ended up buying it for 50k and it didn’t work at all. I told her before that those things don’t work but she didn’t listen but I’m happy she did it and would finally let the breast enlargement products rest.
I’m still not insecure about my body because I get attention from both guys and girls. In fact, I tend to shy away from attention.
I’m my own source of strength and so it drains me when people try to project.
