Is it possible to regret something that you have been taught should be the “best decision of your life”? Yes, and these five Nigerian women share why they regret getting married.
Anita, 27
He lied about everything. About his extended family, his job, his entire life was basically a lie. I only found out after getting married to him. He told me he was a UX writer, but it turns out he is an Electrician. That would not have been a problem, so why did he feel the need to lie about it? He told me his parents were dead and he was not close to his extended family. Another lie. One day, his Uncle reached out to me on Instagram. Turns out both his parents are very much alive.
When we were getting married, he told me he wanted a small wedding. I did not think too much about it because I genuinely loved him and just wanted to be married to him. Apparently, he wanted a small wedding because he had other wives and kids. Plural. I feel like I am carrying him through the marriage. They say “men are babies” and it sounds cool until you realise that it is not metaphoric, but literal. I never knew there could be such emotionally, underdeveloped, men. Right now, I do not know what is a lie and what is not.
Amaka
I was 33 when I got married and honestly, I do not think marriage benefits women in the long run. Whatever people consider a benefit, does not equal all the things marriage makes you lose. I think marriage hindered me from doing certain things because there is a huge constraint on your time and energy. You are meant to be building the family, but then things you are building does not necessarily benefit you. A men can be working to build his family, while building his career at the same time. He gains both the benefits of being married to you such as free labour, but women can’t say the same thing. The nine years I spent building my family, I could have built my career. The only solution was to not be married anymore so I did that, and my life has been happier and healthier.
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Chisom, 27
Marrying my husband was the biggest mistake of my life. Even with all the red flags I saw, I still went ahead and got married to him. He is a serial cheat and a totally unrepentant one. While we were dating he would apologise when he got caught, but now that we are married he has such a nonchalant attitude about it. As if he feels like I cannot do anything about it. He hides the fact that he is married from anyone and if I tell his girls, he gets angry and keeps malice with me. He says we are not a good match and we have nothing in common. How do you not figure out we have nothing in common for the six years we dated? SIX! Now I am pregnant and want to end the marriage but he is threatening to take the child away from me.
Jane, 29
I am currently separated now, but I still do not forgive myself for the decision to get married. I got married at 27 and separated nine months later. The truth is I knew I didn’t want to be married anymore by two days to the wedding, but didn’t know how to tell my family. The reason I eventually gave my family for leaving was because I caught him cheating. When I said I was leaving, he locked me up and threatened to kill me. A week after the incident, when he went to work I ran away.
He stalked me for about three months after I left. I even tried to get a restraining order, but that did not work. When I reported to the police, they collected my money and said they’d treat it as attempted murder. When I got back, they said they wanted to ‘settle’ the case. His family definitely paid them off, but the police thing kind of helped because after that the obvious stalking stopped. He currently does not know where I am, but he has an idea of the exact town. Thankfully there were no kids, but I still have panic and anxiety attacks till date.
Fola, 35
I got married at 24 and now that I look back it was way too early. He was 29 so a little older than me, but not very mature. I didn’t know what qualities to look for in a partner when I got married to him, all I knew was that I loved him. Bad choice. He wanted to pull that traditional man, head of the home thing and I wasn’t having in. Two months into the marriage and the physical abuse started. It was very irregular and I’d never know when it would happen so it caused me a lot of anxiety. I never backed down, wouldn’t cower and be a submissive wife. It took me 10 years to finally walk away from the lies, cheating, physical abuse and emotional abuse. 10 solid years of nonsense. Now, I look back and realize how badly that situation affect me.
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