One of the tenets of most religions is sexual abstinence but it’s also human to have sexual urges. In this article, five Nigerian women talk about struggling with sexual desires.
Lilly, 19
I grew up in a Christian home where sexual purity was preached all the time. I had sexual urges as a child but tried to ignore them. When I turned 18, I realised that konji na bastard and peer pressure is not child’s play. Whenever I kissed boys or did anything sexual, I feel guilty.
I tried to have sex with a guy in August but I couldn’t go through with it. The pain, the fear, the guilt, I had to tell the guy to stop. My body also stopped responding to him. I feel like if I was in a relationship with someone, it’ll be easier to let go of the guilt but I’m not ready for breakfast.
Lolo, 21
I was abused as a child and that’s how I became exposed to pornography. I became addicted to it. Being exposed to porn like that made me curious about sex but I am a Christian and I didn’t want to sin. When I turned 14, the sexual urges became worse. I talked to my friends about it and they said it was normal. I also noticed that a week before my period, the urges heighten.
I tried to control it until this year when I turned 21. I decided to rip the band-aid off and have sex. So far, I have done it twice and honestly, I feel satisfied. Not without guilt though. I have told myself now that salvation is personal and I don’t have to follow what society says. I know how to serve my God and ask for forgiveness.
K, 19
I am very sexual for a person that comes from a highly religious home. Whenever I watch porn, I cry and ask God for forgiveness but I end up doing the same thing or even masturbating. I can’t orgasm more than once because whenever I cum, a wave of guilt kills the mood.
At church yesterday, someone had a prophecy about me. In my head, I was like, “So this is how my secret will come out.” I was relieved when it turned out to be something about my health. It’s like living a double life.
Bimbo, 22
I grew up learning that sex outside marriage was a sin and that my virginity was a gift for my husband. No one told me about the sexual urges that come with puberty. I thought of myself as a deviant because I had sexual thoughts. I begged God to take it away from me.
At 15, I figured out how to make myself cum without touching my genitals. Whenever I orgasmed, I felt awful. I started reading about the human reproductive system and the nature of sex when I turned 19. I realised that it’s normal to think about sex because humans are sexual beings. This doesn’t make me evil or sinful.
Ebose, 21
I learned quite early that everyone struggles with sexual urges. My friends tell me about it and I experience them too. I try as much as I can not to indulge by being busy. These days, whenever I get sexual thoughts, I pray and it’s been working for me.
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