TW: Sexual Abuse
Everyone has a story about their first time. In this article, eight Nigerian women talk about the first time they had penetrative sex.
Nancy, 22
I didn’t bleed during my first time, probably because my boyfriend in secondary school used to finger me when we made out. The first time a penis tried to go inside me was 2019. It hurt too much so we stopped.
I went to read about it. I saw we needed lube so we used baby oil and tried again. When we finished, he asked if I was okay.
I said, “So that’s the sex thing?”
I was disappointed. I didn’t have sex for a while after that because I felt like there had to be more to sex. After a few months later, I tried having again but I couldn’t orgasm. In fact it was not possible for me to orgasm until last year.
Tosin, 19
I enjoyed my first time, to be honest. It happened a few months ago and so far, it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. I bled a little, but it wasn’t as painful as I expected. I had read a lot about other people’s first time so I anticipated a lot of pain. The guy I had sex with was a pro. We had a long foreplay session before he tried penetrating me. We didn’t even need lube. It went well and I enjoyed myself.
K, 23
My first time wasn’t exactly my first time — I was molested as a child and therefore I always thought I wasn’t a virgin. The first time I had sex willingly was with my friend. He was 24, I was 15. It hurt like hell and I bled for a while. He was a jerk — he wasn’t listening to me and I felt terrible. I hated sex for the longest time after that.
Zara, 19
I had always thought my first time would be rosy and sweet but after it happened, I was like, life is no goddamn Netflix movie.
While we were making out and had agreed to have sex, I kept asking myself if I should do it and when it eventually happened, I regretted every bit of it. I didn’t bleed a lot, because I didn’t let the process go on for long — it hurt like hell. I haven’t had sex again since that day and I wonder if I ever will.
About a month later, I found out the guy was also with another girl. I hate that I trusted him with my first time.
Blessing, 20
I had sex with someone for the first time because I wanted to get it over with. I was 19 at the time. I chose the guy I had sex with because he was good looking but I wasn’t interested in him and didn’t mind never talking to him again.
He didn’t know I had never done it before and thankfully, I didn’t bleed. I’m on the asexual spectrum so I didn’t feel anything while we had sex. Genital meet and greet was all it was.
Bibi, 23
My first time was so damn painful. I was not able to walk well for about a week. I was scared when I didn’t see blood so we had sex again. That was when I saw the blood. It wasn’t as much as I expected but I was relieved.
Kay, 26
I met this guy in 2016 and we started dating. Everytime we made out, I would tell him I didn’t want to have sex. Our relationship grew stronger and we had plans to get married so I started thinking of doing it.
One day when we were making out, I asked him to try. He asked if I was sure and I said yes. He suggested that he use his tiny finger first because it might be painful for me. After we got his finger in, we tried his penis. It was so painful and I was shouting but at that point I just wanted to get it over with. I didn’t enjoy it and for about two years after that, I wasn’t enjoying sex. I was just doing it because I felt like I had to until I started exploring myself outside of a partner.
IB, 24
My first time was very painful. The guy and I had a thing for a while where we would make out. It ended because I was in school. One time, we ran into each other at Lagos Fashion Week and we exchanged contacts. Later that night he texted me to come over and I did. He was neither rough nor gentle — I feel like he cared more about his own pleasure than mine. I remember spotting for two days after. I don’t regret it and I’m glad it was random. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of my first time because last last, it’s just sex.
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