When I asked Nigerian women on Twitter to inbox me with stories of the exact moment they knew they had to leave a relationship, I didn’t expect some of the replies I got. Here are 30 stories of the exact moment these women knew they had to leave their relationship.
1. Denisia
We were lying down together and I was talking about how I miss my mum. I noticed he was quiet, so I asked what was wrong. Baba said he felt like strangling me but listening to me talk about my mom softened him up. WTF?
2. Zee
When I found myself sharing my relationship problems with a Facebook group so they could help me. I had a “Dear Joro” moment and just knew I had to japa.
3. Lola
We had a fight, and he demanded for the money he had loaned me when it wasn’t yet the agreed time to pay up. He later confessed that he did it to spite me. Imagine getting married to someone like that.
4. Ore
I confronted him about some messages I found on his phone. He was talking marriage with a colleague and it sounded serious. The way he denied the whole thing and just summed it up as “office wife” bants made me realise that the relationship wasn’t worth my peace of mind.
5. Ada
I was 20 years old and he was 11 years older than me. He got about £500 from me for his “business” and refused to pay back. He blackmailed and insulted me on top my own money. Almost got kicked out of the hostel cause that was my rent.
6. Ana
I wanted an iPad and he was like, “You already have a computer and a phone, why would you want an iPad? Don’t you know Apple is an exploitative company?” He had 2 Macbooks. The last straw was when I wanted to go to TFC for lunch and he insisted he knew better. I mentally checked out.
He was a very nice guy, but on our last date, just before he was to travel for a long trip, I realised that I didn’t love him and he deserved better. I broke up with him a month after.
8. Sarah
We had been on and off, but I would always find my way back to him because I thought he was the one. Then my father died and I called to inform him. He asked me who was on the phone. Omo.
9. Temitope
So we’d been dating for a while and things were going on fine, till we went for one of his friend’s parties together. He was holding my hand, but the moment he saw his friends, he dropped my hand. They didn’t approve of a plus-size girl and he was ashamed to be seen with me. Broke up with him that night.
10. Dami
He said to me, “It’s not everything I say that you must respond to.” I said, “Then don’t fucking talk to me” and cut off the phone. That was one of the last conversations we ever had.
11. Bola
He could justify fornication and alcohol consumption, but he drew the line at me smoking weed once in 3 months. He also, in an argument about contraceptives, equated a vasectomy to a hysterectomy. When everyone knows that women have several contraceptive options while men are limited to condoms and vasectomy. Bonus: he is also pro-life. Bottom line: He was an “audio progressive man”.
12. Uwana
I had my appendix taken out and he didn’t show up. Mind you, a month after this operation would have been our introduction. Nobody from his family called me.
13. Mercy
I knew I had to leave the relationship when he was always invalidating my dreams, making them look small and talking down on my spirituality. I take that part of me seriously, and I would have loved him to respect that side of me. As soon as I left the relationship, I got a really good job. I guess his subtle negativity was holding me back.
14. Rukayah
I knew I had to leave a relationship when six months in, my ex told me he was not capable of loving me because he had suffered a heartbreak when his girlfriend of 7 years left him.
15. Niyola
The very first day I went to his house, I got drenched by rain on my way, so all I wanted was warm clothes and food. I was open to having sex with him, but I wanted to at least get warm and eat first. He wanted sex immediately.
While I was trying to explain, he slapped me multiple times and raped me. I almost lost sight in an eye because of the experience. I didn’t report because the first time I tried to report a rape case, they told me I didn’t look like someone they could rape.
16. Susan
He kept cheating. One day, he swore on his mother’s life that he didn’t sleep with a girl. Turns out he slept with her that same night. If he could lie with his mother life, I knew had to flee.
17. Aisha
When he hit me a second time in our 4th year of marriage, dragged me on the floor and out of his house. He always called it his house. I regretted not leaving the first time he hit me. I knew I did not want any more regrets.
18. Amaka
I wore something that didn’t even expose any part of my flesh but because it was bum short, people were talking and he followed them to embarrass me in public. Something in me shifted that day. I sha cheated on him ( I don’t regret it). I told him I cheated, he forgave me, I cheated some more then I broke up with him.
19. Lizzy
He was my first boyfriend. I told him I didn’t like when he grabbed my butt in public and he started sulking and saying I was his babe and he can grab my ass at any point. The moment I checked out was when he mocked me for typing in full with comma, paragraphs and all of that. He said he doesn’t like it. What in the illiterate-waste-of-space was I dating? Omo, I left oh.
20. Gloria
He was the sweetest person ever. The whole relationship was great but the moment we had sex. It felt like I was having sex with my brother. It was just extremely weird for me. I didn’t know how to tell him. I eventually did after two years. I lied I was poly and left.
21. Ella
After helping him apply for several jobs, he told me he got a job in the UK and was leaving for training the following week. I was so happy for him. Before he left my place, he said he had a confession.
Oga then tells me that he didn’t have any job, that he was just testing me to see if I had his best interest at heart. What in the Telemundo is going on and how do I unsubscribe? Took me months, but I finally left our 8-year relationship.
22. Fortune
He kept comparing me to his ex. Any small thing “Oby used to…” I had to leave. He should go and be with Oby.
23. Hadiza
He had a Jamaican stripper fetish. He was always asking for nudes. I kept sending them because he would guilt trip me. He continued till I just rolled my mat and ended my prayers. He ended up breaking up with me because according to him, “I didn’t understand him” but no, the reason was I wasn’t consistent with the teasing.
24. Chi
We went out for a drink and for some reason I couldn’t stand the sight of him, the sound of his voice, nothing, until I had a drink and was a little buzzed. Got home and asked myself why I needed to be tipsy to tolerate him. That was when I knew.
25. Ene
His wife DM’ed me under the guise of providing a service & a whole drama ensued which led to me being subbed every 3 months on Twitter.
26. Oyin
He would insult me at any giving opportunity or the slightest mistake. One night, he punched my face so hard and strangled me till I almost died. Woke up alive and just then I knew I had to leave this man (father of my two kids) if I still want to live.
27. Abigail
I would sometimes post bikini pictures or turn around in videos and he told me I was a slut. He told me that all I could offer anyone was my body and because of the kind of pictures I post, he thinks I lied about getting assaulted. This man also gave me six rules of things I must do and not do, saying that we are tied for life. We dated for two years.
28. Joy
The exact moment I knew I had to leave was when I went to see him and he demanded I block every guy who has ever moved to me, started reading my chats and when he saw that I didn’t block them, he stopped talking to me.
29. Queen
There were many times I should’ve left. I never should’ve been with him, in fact. He was immature, superficial and stuck in a toxic cycle with his ex. He clearly had no real idea who tf I was. Then he got more attached, more dependent, more entitled.
The final trigger came when he mentioned marriage and had the nerve to suggest “you aren’t getting any younger” Me? Pressured? Into marriage? To you? On the basis of age? We were together three years, the first two in which he couldn’t have been clearer about not wanting to be with me yet he gaslighted me into staying because it was the economically smart thing for him to do while remaining conveniently irresponsible.
When I broke up with him, he left me a message saying I “had a (commitment) problem and probably just can’t be with anyone longer than a year”
30. Peace
I found out he had impregnated his ex and had her move in with him — we lived in different cities. He was the one always visiting me in the city where I lived and worked but this one time, I flew to his city one afternoon after talking as though I was home.
I paid him a surprise visit and his jaw literally dropped to the floor when he saw me. She told me that they’d been trying for a kid for the past three years and after three miscarriages, this one would not keep them apart. I looked at him and his face was bent low in shame and that’s when I knew it was all over. This man had gone to see my family for my hand in marriage.
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