A Nigerian woman would rather refuse to eat pasta than tell you she’s annoyed at something you’ve done. But if she shows any of these passive-aggressive signs, then you need to start thinking of how to appease her.
She’ll air your messages
She’ll see your messages come in and choose to swipe them away because you’re saying nonsense . If she’s very upset, she’ll open the message, close it back and leave you on “read”, so you’ll know she’s ignoring you. If she archives your messages, that’s even worse. You may have to involve the gods to get her to forgive you.
Give you one-word replies
Ask her how work was, and she’ll say, “Good.” — This is someone who usually gives you the full gist of the day about how Amaka ate her oga’s lunch by mistake. If she now puts full-stop in the message? You’re in soup.
Post her finest pictures
She’s not talking to you but wants you to talk to her. That’s when she’ll begin to post her finest pictures on all social media platforms to make you thirsty and slide in her DMs. That way, she can properly ignore you.
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She’ll tell you she isn’t hungry
You ask her, “What do you want to eat?” She says, “Nothing, I’m not hungry.” Ah you’ve entered serious wahala o. The only time a woman says no to food is when it has spoilt or she suspects poison. I don’t know how you want to get out of this one.
She does nothing
You know you’ve done something wrong. She knows you’ve done something wrong. Yet she’s acting like nothing happened. Just carry your load and run because she’s consulting with the WhatsApp group on the best way to deal with you.
She puts a full stop after every word
All of a sudden, she remembers grammar and punctuation. Any small thing, “I don’t know.” “Okay.” “Tired.”
She turns her body away from you
Whether in bed, in a car, on a couch etc. The moment she turns her body 90 degrees away from you, she’s showing you she’s visibly upset and wants you to tell her sorry.
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Throws shade at you on social media
You’ll start seeing tweets like “Nobody is ever too busy for you. If they cared, they’d find the time.” Better carry your phone and call her. That tweet is for you.
She’ll hiss as if something is stuck in their teeth
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You’ll hear her kissing her teeth every five minutes — and she may add a disgusted look at you for extra effect. That’s how you know you fucked up.
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