Last week, Desmond shared stories about Nigerians who had been ghosted. They had interesting stories, so this week I decided to write about Nigerians who have ghosted someone.
Here’s what they had to say:
1. Dayo
I still think about the lady I ghosted in university, and it haunts me to this day. We met in 100 level when I was schooling in Nigeria. She was a tomboy. We started going for classes together and hung out so much, people started calling us a couple. Sometimes, we wore matching outfits. One time when I fell ill, she had me stay in her apartment until I woke up better. I woke up to her praying for me one night.
But then people started saying that because she was a tomboy, I was dating a man. Somehow, I let all that information fester in my mind, so I started avoiding her. I first stopped eating in public with her, then I started missing her calls, then I stopped going to classes with her.
She came to me and started apologizing, saying that she didn’t understand why I was avoiding her and that if she’d done anything wrong, I should forgive her. Two days after that, we went on a school break. During that break, she made so much effort to see me, but I kept dodging her calls. One day, she called 30 times. After that, we resumed in school and acted like we didn’t know each other.
I like to think that the reason my life went downhill after that was because of the ghosting. I failed so much that medical school asked me to withdraw, and I didn’t graduate until I moved to the Caribbean. I spent 15 years in school altogether.
She’s happily married with kids in South Africa now. I tried to reach out to her, but she said she didn’t remember me. I’m happy for her.
2. JJ
I ghosted someone because I had to make a decision on whether to remain in relationship or not, so the space was necessary. There’s no way I would have made an unbiased decision if we were still in close contact. I eventually broke up.
3. Banji
I’ve ghosted two people. The first one was because I felt pressured to be in a relationship with her. In retrospect, I realise I was selfish because she just needed someone to be there for her. I ghosted the second person because distance took a toll on our relationship.
4. Precious
We were in a talking stage and had agreed to be friends with benefits. It was during the pandemic, so basically the whole hookup thing was meant to happen after lockdown. Feelings were getting caught until one day, I joked about sleeping with other people and he said he was the only one allowed to sleep with other people because he’s a guy and I’m a girl. I didn’t even argue. I just ghosted him. I stopped replying his texts and picking his calls.
5. Michael
I met a guy on Twitter and we started talking. We became Twitter friends — we didn’t exchange numbers. Around the same time, I got a ghostwriting job for an international organisation. The deadlines were tight, and it took a toll on my mental health. I had to stay awake till 6 a.m. to complete jobs. It got so bad that I had a mental breakdown and I just quit the job. I basically ghosted them. In that same period, I also ghosted my friend because I stayed off Twitter for about four months. I don’t think it was the right thing to do. I could have just texted him and told him why I was leaving Twitter.
It also turns out that I have ADHD
6. Bukky
Before the COVID break, I hung out with this guy a couple of times and we made out. Our relationship wasn’t defined, but we liked each other. During the break, I stopped replying to his texts because he was beginning to irritate me. Till today, I don’t understand why I was that irritated. So when he continued texting me, I blocked him.
I feel like I couldn’t help the irritation towards him, so the right thing to do was to block him because I didn’t want to talk aggressively towards him or insult him. I don’t feel bad and I don’t regret it.
7. Sharon
I met a guy on Nairaland when I was looking for some information about a job I was applying for. We moved to WhatsApp and eventually started talking everyday, and then I realised that we lived and worked close to each other. His office was opposite mine. He’d come to my house after work sometimes, we’d go to the movies sometimes. I was sure I’d fallen hard for him. And then one day, we kissed.
After the kiss, I was so sure he was going to ask me out. I had been dying to say yes but he didn’t. I gave him a few days, but nothing happened. I was tired of being confused, because I couldn’t say if we were friends, dating, or he was trying to make us friends with benefits. I concluded that he didn’t like me, so I just ghosted him. We didn’t talk for three months. During lockdown last year, he reached out but I didn’t give him any attention because I concluded he was bored, just like everyone. I think about him sometimes but I think we’re better off as strangers.
8. Mazi
I have ghosted about five or six women. Most often, it’s because I get bored easily. After I get a girl, the thrill of the chase is gone, and I want to move on. I don’t stop loving them, I just want to move on. Maybe it’s an evil spirit in me. Also, I think I am not monogamous in nature, so anytime a girl wants an exclusive relationship, I just ghost her to her monogamy. My ancestors were not monogamous, nobody should stress me.
9. Aisha
I once ghosted someone when I was 16. I was in my first year in university at that time and I was talking with a guy in 500l. One day, my friends in 200 level started talking about unscrupulous boys and brought him up, not knowing I knew him. The things I heard just spooked me out and I ran for my dear life. I tried to avoid him, but we still ran into each other. He asked why but I ghosted him, but I didn’t tell him.
10. Naza
I started talking with someone online for about three weeks and then we decided to meet up in person. We had to keep pushing the meet up date because I was in a different town. When we finally met, it was at her place. The picture she had painted of herself online was extremely different from what I saw in real life. I was so pissed.
I stayed with her for about an hour, left and ghosted. I felt like it was the right thing to do because it felt like she was someone I couldn’t trust.
QUIZ: How Will Your Current Relationship End?
