If like me you’ve been thinking of a way out of penury, I welcome you. Here’s a list of places to find our helpers (tech baes) so that we can flourish and finally chop life.
1) Any coffee shop
Your nearest coffee shop is filled with so many lowkey rich tech people looking for wonderful ambience and uninterrupted power supply. Use this information wisely.
2) Shops where they sell turtle necks
You know the vibes for this one.
3) Lexus car dealerships
The official car of made people in tech. If they drive Lexus ES 350 or IS 350, hold on to them for dear life.
4) Any shop that sells Apple devices
Pro-tip: The richer they are, the more Apple devices they own.
5) Or plant shop
Plant that’s not for cooking is a sign of wealth in Nigeria, and these people are stupidly rich.
6) Any event that has the keyword “disruption” in it
Don’t dull.
7) Or “Fintech” as the theme
The next best thing since sliced bread.
8) Or Crypto and Bitcoin as subthemes
The last line of defense against Emefiele et al. After Bezos, tech people swear by these terms.
9) Any Paystack or Flutterwave event
Because anyone can be a golden boy.
10) Twitter
Open your Twitter and tweet “Tech bros don’t have their baths.” If your mentions aren’t swarming with them, come and fight us in our office.
11) Your nearest “coke” dealer
I’m not there oh.
Are you ready for your tech bae? Take this quiz to find out: Only Tech Bros & Babes Will Get 7/11 On This Logo Quiz
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